Summary from last chapter for those who skipped it. Pola gets memories of himself being torture for seeing 2 men in black cloaks. He also witnesses his friend Cora be sexually assaulted in front of him and killed.
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"UWAHHH" I woke up with a jolt from the nightmare that I had. It was a dream, Pola it was a dream. No way it was real. It can't be. It was all a dream, yup it was all a dream.
I look around me and see the faint silhouette of the cave. It was all a dream, it couldn't have been real. I close my eyes and I see the memory play over again. It not leaving my head. I came to the realization that it was real and that I had to live with it, but could I?
I feel my blood start to boil due to the mistreatment of what happened to Pola and Cora. Especially Cora, she had her whole life to live. Why would someone take that away. I keep seeing and thinking about the memory getting angrier and angrier. Not being able to calm down. My breaths getting ragged from rage.
I need to punch something, I need to calm down. I quickly get out of the cave where it is still dark out. For once I don't care what is in the woods or what could hurt me. I am far too angry to even have those thoughts.
After getting out of the cave I move to the first tree I see which is the rainbow colored tree. Which I still don't know the name of the tree. I raise my fist and lightly hit the tree, trying to feel something other than rage.
I feel the impact go through my knuckles and up my arm. I throw another with my other hand, going back and forth. I feel my knuckles going sore from lightly hitting the tree. Every punch I throw the man who torture Pola pops into my head. Just making me angrier.
I throw one last punch to the tree. "URAHHHHHHHHHH!" I yell as I fall to my knees, feeling despair for the first time in a long while. Why did I have to see those memories, I wasn't ready yet. Tears well up in my eyes as I recall what happened. I remember the blood curdling screams, the pain I saw.
I feel my thought getting darker and darker. Why am I in this situation? I never caused this, I just died and was forced to be here. Taking over someone else's life! I have no family, friends hell I don't even know where I am. And I have to follow some kids' dreams?
As soon as I had that thought my body started to hurt like something was trying to split me in 2. "Ugh" Maybe I shouldn't be having these thoughts. I am a man of principle and I don't break promises. But why did my body hurt? That pain was something I have never felt before. It felt like my soul was trying to leave my body or something?
What if my body was trying to tell me something? Let me think. I got pain cause I thought to not follow some kids' dreams? I felt a slight pain then. What does that mean!? Could it be cause I truly haven't followed what his dreams are? Wait! What did I just say? I said he, not I! I think that's it!
I haven't truly taken Pola as myself. I am Pola and Pola is me. I always tried to distance myself subconsciously from Pola because we are 2 different people. But we are not anymore. We are one or well I am one now. I take a deep breath and let it out. I look to the sky.
"I never truly took what I said to heart, Pola. This is the last time that I will think of you as someone else and not myself. From now on I am Pola, All memories, good or bad, are mine. I have to deal and live with them. Even if they change me for better or worse. I make this promise to you Pola I am you and will live as you from now on."
As soon as I make the promise I feel like something broke inside of me. Not a bad thing but a good thing. Like maybe a seal or something broke? I don't know, all I do know is that my body feels lighter and more free? I don't know how to explain it. Just a feeling like I am doing something I should have from the very beginning.
With new found vigor and purpose I head to the creek. Along the way I grab my cane spear, it may be heavier than the oak spear but I feel safer with this one. I pass the fire I had yesterday and see the cane knife blade still there. I will check on you once it is brighter.
I get to the creek and drink some water. I love the way the forest looks at night, with all the tees being bioluminescent. It just feels so magical. I make my way back to the coals of the fire from yesterday. I should make a new fire, but I don't have that many sticks or logs. I definitely need to gather more, maybe even a pile for them so that I can always have an easy way to start a fire.
I grab the cane knife blade to see how it turned out. I flick my finger on the blade, getting a ting sound. It's tempered, I just don't know how well it came out. I have limited knowledge of forging. Eventually I'll learn more with experimentation
*Ding* [New Item Crafted - ???]
What the hell! I don't even know what I crafted? It must be from [Identify] cause it still doesn't tell me what some items are. I guess I have to level it up somehow. Not sure how but eventually I will learn how to level up the skill.
I take the cane knife blade and cut some plants nearby to see how well it cuts. And it cuts really well! I need to make and handle for it so that I don't slice my hand or any other body part open.
But first I have to wait till it gets brighter out before I can start looking for a branch to make into a handle. I may not have done the brightest thing by hitting a tree in the dark and walked to get water.... Well neither of those were bright but I'm here and not going to walk in the woods just yet. I can't be 'that' dumb.
I sit by the coals of the fire that have cooled off over time and just think to myself how I will accomplish my goals. I will have to go back to civilization eventually, that is the only way. But I also need to get much stronger before I do. I am still skinny even though I am now eating 3 times a day. I need to also look into the people who hurt me and Cora.
As soon as I think of her name the memory pops into my head again. I shake my head to get the memory away, it's in the past and I need to move forward. Not by forgetting but by living. I need to get stronger to make the people who killed Cora pay! My fist clench as I think of the men in cloaks.
It won't be easy doing all of my goals but I know I can do them! The easiest of them being going to a magic school. I just hope I don't get cut off for being too old. That's in the future for now I need to make a better shelter and get stronger. I need meat to get stronger and build more muscle.
I guess I need to hunt and make traps for smaller animals. If there are rabbits I could make a farm to harvest their meats and fur. If I hunt deer I don't know how much meat I could have before it spoils. It will have to be trial and error. Probably lots of error before I can get everything down easily.
It is finally bright enough out in the forest to start looking for a branch to make a handle. Also grab some berries to eat! Oh I should make a fire first and roast them. They tasted better when roasted. I go into the woods and gather some berries to roast. I also grab a 2 finger thick stick to make into the handle for the cane blade.
I head back to the dead fire and try to start a new one. I started one after some time. I then rush around trying to gather sticks. I really need a pile of sticks. Once the fire is going I put some berries onto sticks to roast by the fire. I do more than I normally do so that I can have an excess in the cave.
While the berries are roasting I start carving on the stick to make a hole for the knife. I do it at one of the ends so that there is a grove in it. The grove will be where the blade will sit. I take my time carving out the handle, I don't accidently want to break the handle. Before I can seat the blade into the handle I need some pine sap to make some glue.