I've been in love with my brother's best friend since I was twelve. What was worse was that I once summoned the courage to confess to him after clocking eighteen, but unfortunately, he gently rejected me and told me he saw me as a little sister, which forced me to swallow my feelings and act like I had gotten over that crush. But the truth was that I never got over it. Instead, the crush turned into a full blown love.
I loved Andrew so much, more than the air I breathed. I believed that no woman on earth would be able to treat him as well as I can. Even though he was yet to see that, I always hoped he'd one day realize the gem he had by his side the whole time.
Presently, he's sitting across from me at the restaurant he surprisingly invited me to through a text last night. I had been so happy and had gone all out with my outfit tonight, because I believed that my time had finally come and he'd finally ask me to be his girlfriend.
I heard from my brother that Andrew and his last girlfriend ended things for over six months. That's the longest Andrew had ever been single, so I believed it was a good sign, and as we both talked and laughed over great food and wine, I kept waiting for him to pop the question with bated breath.
"I'll be getting married to Elena in three days." He suddenly said, completely catching me off guard and making me choke on my wine. I coughed so hard till he had to gently pat my back, then I blinked at him in utter shock.
"What?" I whispered slowly, my head starting to spin.
My heart was breaking on the inside, and I was reeling hard from disbelief. That was the last thing I expected him to say because I thought he was still single! He never hinted at being interested in marriage to me despite the fact that we spoke almost every day.
"Yes, Elena. The wedding will hold in Italy. You'll show up, right?" He stared at me as he spoke with those warm brown eyes that always made me lose my breath and turn scarlet most times.
"I- I don't understand, I thought you were single?" I demanded and he laughed while waving me off.
"Nah, I got back with Elena, and now we're making it official-official." He explained, grinning cheekily as he sipped on his drink. My eyes tracked the movement of his Adam Apple before I tore my eyes away and dwelled on what he just said.
I still couldn't believe my ears. He has gotten back with Elena? Of all people?
"Didn't she abandon you for a different man three years ago? And you swore to never take her back no matter whenever she returns." I pointed out and he let out a small chuckle before waving me off again.
"She left for a tangible reason, Elsa. She explained it all to me. She's still in love with me and it turns out that I'm still in love with her."
I let out a scoff as I regarded him with disbelief. Of course he'd make excuses for her.
Elena suddenly broke up with him, then got married to a different man three years ago without any explanations. Andrew had been so dejected and heartbroken, and I helped him get himself back together, constantly showing up at his house whenever he called about needing emotional support. Throughout that period, I stupidly believed he'd finally fall for me after fully getting over Elena. However, after he supposedly got over his broken heart, he began to sleep around, without casting a glance in my direction.
And I did believe he had gotten over Elena, because he got into multiple relationships after her.
The thought of Elena was making my blood boil so much. I hated her with so much passion. Elena and I were once best friends, we met in highschool and instantly became friends. She knew that I was in love with Andrew since I was very young, yet— she went to sleep with him before I could confess my feelings to him!
I caught them making out together on my parents' couch one day, and Andrew revealed that they had begun to secretly date for a while. I had felt so betrayed and had instantly cut Elena off during that period.
"You can't be serious, Andrew. She hurt you, she betrayed you. I was there while you cried whenever you got drunk. Why would you take her back and decide to get married to her… without telling me? Aren't we friends?" I hated how fragile my voice got at the end of the sentence, but I just feel so hurt and used. Andrew only remembered me whenever he needed my help and for nothing else.
Despite him being my brother's best friend, he and I were really close friends. He liked to introduce me to people as his little sister but I always hated that term.
"I- I didn't tell you because I knew you would never understand, especially since you hate Elena." He explained wearily and I shot him a glare, which prompted him to wrap a hand across the back of his throat while awkwardly glancing away.
"…and, because I feel like it might hurt you since you still care about me a little more than you're supposed to. That's why I kept putting off telling you till now." He mumbled, completely avoiding my eyes.
At once, I felt mortification fully engulfed me. He had just implied that I still liked him. He wasn't wrong, but be wasn't supposed to know that!
"What? You're delusional to think that I still care about you that way. That's ages ago, I already got over that silly crush." I insisted, rolling my eyes exaggeratedly as I spoke. I picked up my fork and began to eat, trying to appear as normal as possible, but on the inside, I was sobbing and my heart was completely shattered.
When I glanced up at him, he had a small, pitiful expression on as he regarded me, like he could see right through me and I wished the ground could open up to swallow me at once.
The rest of the dinner went smoothly. I didn't try to object to his upcoming wedding to Elena to avoid sounding pained and jealous. Instead, I tried to support him like a friend is supposed to.
~~~
"Why did you never tell me that Andrew got back together with Elena? And that she's back in his life? And that they're getting married?!" I demanded of Seth, my elder and only brother through the phone and he let out an almost apologetic sigh.
I was pacing my small living room after Andrew dropped me off from the dinner. I had thought I'd return home tonight a happy woman, not a heartbroken and dejected one.
The love of my life is getting married. No, I'm not okay!
"Andrew asked me not to tell you because he wanted to tell you himself. And I didn't know how to tell you because you'd get hurt and cry your eyes out since you still have feelings for him." He explained and my cheeks heated from embarrassment even though he couldn't see me right now.
Seth was aware of the feelings I have for his best friend, which makes this situation more humiliating.
"I don't have feelings for him anymore. I already moved on, didn't I tell you this many years ago?" I demanded, projecting amusement into my voice.
"You're clearly lying, little sister. If you've truly moved on, you'd have given another man a chance and You'd currently be dating someone as we speak. The few relationships you got into never lasted a month."
It felt like he was stripping me bare of all the layers shielding me. I felt so exposed and I hated it. I hated that my brother could always see right through me without even being present with me.
I've been in a few relationships in my entire twenty five years on earth, but they truly never lasted a month— because my heart was with someone else. And because most of them were only interested in my body, and weren't interested in waiting around for sex— which I never intend to give them, since I was saving my virginity for Andrew.
Pathetic, I know. I feel so stupid and dumb.
The person I love is about to get married, and yet, thinking about him right now was making my chest flutter.
Tears prickled at my eyes which I quickly blinked away, while feeling irritated and disgusted with myself for being this pathetic at age twenty five.
My brother and I spoke for a few more minutes before he informed me. "Prove to me and to everyone else that you've indeed gotten over Andrew. Come to the wedding with a date, it would definitely help you appear less… lovesick."
After the call ended, I let out a sigh as I crumbled into the small couch here in my sitting room. As I ran a hand through my hair, I wonder if I'd ever be able to get over the feelings I had for Andrew. I've tried to get over my feelings for him countless times, but sadly, those tactics never worked. He was just so perfect…
Another sigh left my mouth after I reminded myself that he'd be getting married in a week.
Perhaps attending this wedding would finally be the wake up call my brain needs to move on? Then I'll finally be able to find a man who I can fall in love with and give all my heart to.
Such wistful thinking.
As I got prepared for bed, I already dreaded the stress awaiting me tomorrow. Life as a teacher in a highschool where the students were more like delinquents, was a whole lot of stress. But that was the only school willing to take in a dropout like me.
I completed my uni years but missed the final year's exams due to being unable to complete my fees before the deadline. I had the full fees complete after working tirelessly and getting assistance from my elder brother. However, Andrew got into a financial problem and I assisted him with the money for my fees.
I knew that was stupid and it was something I regret till this day, but sadly, I can't turn back time. Andrew later paid me the money back and begged me to not let my brother know he was the reason that disaster happened. And of course I'd never rat him out, so I took the blame.
All of that was in the past now. I've come to terms with my reality, and my reality was that I was always needing money. My salary wasn't enough, seeing as I had a lot of debt to pay back. Some of the debt was debt I collected for Andrew when he hit a financial low, and the rest were debt my father left behind before dying.
Andrew assisted me in paying back the debt I took out for him many years ago, but he wasn't fully on his feet yet, so he couldn't spare that much. However, now that I was thinking about it, if he was struggling with money, how was he planning a wedding?
I'd have to have a conversation with him about that, as soon as possible.
The rest of the debt I had on my neck which was left behind by my bet obsessed father, was solely my cross to carry. My brother couldn't assist with that, because he was already covering the fees of our mother's brain cancer and tumor.
After getting fully ready for bed, as I slid into the bed, I tried really hard—- I really did, but I ended up thinking about Andrew's comforting eyes and beautiful smile before I drifted off to sleep.