There are a few things in life I consider sacred.
Instant noodles. Wi-Fi. And the holy seven-chapter weekly drop of Sword Lord's Harem.
So there I was, sitting cross-legged in the middle of my one-room apartment like a discount monk, my eyes locked on my phone screen as if I could will the update into existence.
I hadn't moved in three hours.
My spine was in the shape of a question mark. My legs were asleep. My soul was screaming.
But none of that mattered.
Because the clock hit 8:00 PM.
And the update hit.
"Yes!" I hissed, tapping furiously.
The thumbnail loaded.
It was time to read Chapter 931, baby.
I leaned forward, ignoring the way my bowl of noodles was now fused with the windowsill like some modern art piece.
"C'mon, give me plot. Give me waifus. Give me dungeon-lore-induced nosebleeds."
I took a breath and dove in.
[Chapter 931: The Sword Lord Charms the Goddess of Frost]
The main character, Kairo — bless his overpowered, emotionally constipated heart — was mid-flirt with Frostina, the tenth official waifu.
A literal goddess of ice who'd previously tried to freeze his soul.
Romance.
Meanwhile, the Realm Eaters — multi-dimensional horrors chewing on existence like it was bubblegum —were about two weeks away from causing an extinction-level event.
But sure. Let's spend three chapters on a bath scene.
I scrolled faster, desperately hoping for plot.
And by plot, I meant anything not involving temperature-adjusted hot springs and accidental towel drops.
Nothing. Just sparkles. More sparkles. And a line where the MC said:
"You're cold on the outside, but your heart is warm, isn't it?"
I slammed my phone down so hard it bounced off the floor and hit my foot.
"OW — damn it, Kairo! Read the room! The sky's literally cracking open and you're busy roleplaying freezer-burned foreplay?"
I picked the phone back up, sighing like an anime character five minutes before a filler arc.
Then I made the mistake of checking the comments.
Oh, boy.
[FanboiSlayer27: Bro... what is this garbage? Has the author been lobotomized?]
[WaifuEconomist: Dropped. Dude's writing like his IQ fell down a dungeon shaft.]
[HeroOfTrash: Let's be real. The last good arc was the 'Elf Milk Arc'. Everything since then has been plot diarrhea.]
[ElvenMilkEnjoyer: I waited all day for THIS? Even my fanfics have better pacing.]
[BetrayedByUpdates: Author's clearly on something. And not the good kind.]
I paused. Stared at the screen.
Now, I'm not usually a guy who starts internet wars. But Sword Lord's Harem meant something to me, damn it.
I'd followed this series through its early janky arcs, through the Mid-Tier Tower Tournament, through the cursed 'Yandere Mermaid Saga.'
I made spreadsheets.
I watched lore videos.
I may have written a totally ironic fanfic.
I wasn't gonna sit by and watch these keyboard warriors treat my beloved trainwreck like a public restroom.
So I cracked my knuckles.
[@FanboiSlayer27 Imagine reading 930 chapters and only now realizing you have bad taste. Congrats, bro. That's a long-term L.]
[@WaifuEconomist Author's IQ is fine. Your patience bar just runs on AAA batteries.]
[@HeroOfTrash Don't act like you didn't scream when the MC dual-wielded fateblades in Chapter 728.]
[@ElvenMilkEnjoyer Bro your username disqualified your argument before you typed it.]
[@BetrayedByUpdates You're mad he's writing. I'm mad you're breathing.]
I hit "send" on the last one with the smug satisfaction of a man who'd just lit five fires and walked away in slow motion.
And then, I did what any responsible adult would do after internet combat.
I went to Instagram to doom-scroll memes.
But before I could even like a cursed image of Shrek with anime hair, I got a notification.
[@SwordLordAuthorOfficial wants to message you.]
My eyes bulged.
Blue check. Hundreds of thousands of followers. The real deal.
The guy who created Kairo.
The madman who invented a battle system based on emotionally repressed sword spirits.
The same author I just defended like a rabid dog in the comment section.
I clicked.
Only one message.
[What would you do if you were brought into the world of this novel?]
I blinked. "Huh?"
I stared at the message, half-expecting it to be a prank.
But nope. Legit account. Verified. Active stories. Recent post about 'Frostina's New Design Sketches.'
I stared harder, like squinting would reveal a joke.
"What would I do…?"
I leaned back on my bed, which groaned like it was sick of my problems.
"Well, I'd probably die immediately," I said to no one. "Trip on a rock. Get eaten by a slime. Or worse — become comic relief."
But still. I couldn't stop thinking about it.
What would I do?
I mean, it was a deathtrap world. Dungeon cores. Monster outbreaks. Sexy necromancers with moral flexibility.
But it was also… exciting.
Adventure. Power-ups. Legendary swords that whisper edgy one-liners.
Even the Realm Eaters seemed more tolerable than my current job where I microwaved food for people who thought ketchup counted as spice.
I started typing a reply.
But then my phone buzzed again.
[You'll find out soon enough.]
I stared.
Then the screen glitched.
My lights flickered.
The ceiling fan gave one final creak and stopped mid-spin like it was holding its breath.
"…Uh."
The air pressure changed. It felt like the room was holding in a sneeze.
Then, suddenly, a voice.
Not through my phone. Not in my ears.
In my head.
[Candidate confirmed. System recalibrating. Initiating dimensional transfer.]
"Whoa, whoa — HEY! I didn't consent to this! I didn't even press 'I Agree'!"
The phone slipped from my hands.
The floor dropped out from under me like I was in a Looney Tunes trapdoor sketch.
Colors inverted. Gravity said "peace out."
I screamed something that may or may not have been "MOM."
Then the world turned white.