"Looking Ahead"
———
A repulsed scoff echoed through the room. Jason rolled his eyes as he scrolled onto the next video, but to his dismay it was just like the last. All he saw for the morning was video after video of New York's newest sensation. The Spider-Girl. She was getting all the publicity in the world. If there wasn't a video of her taking down a few crooks, it was someone snapping a picture of her rescuing a cat or something of the sort. Jason wasn't particularly angry that someone out there was helping the city, he was just a bit irritated that he did the same for none of the recognition. Atleast, no recognition that he appreciated. Turned out Jason had gotten his first video as a vigilante, though it was nothing he liked.
It wasn't a video of him fighting crime or saving people, instead it was footage of his blunder from last night. Hundreds were laughing at the video of the guy in all black getting sent flying by some thief. Jason would laugh as well if it wasn't so demoralizing.
'How did they even get this?'
Was it just security camera footage or was someone actively recording his fight? The thought made him pinch the bridge of his nose. He felt really negative this morning, and things weren't about to get any better. It was Friday morning—half past ten—meaning that his most dreaded class was coming. Physical Education. Jason was in no way athletic, or socialable, so this class was the equivalent of throwing fresh prey to a pool of sharks. The jocks and popular cliques were going to eat the poor boy alive.
"Let's get this over with..."
Wearing his gym clothes—a plain white t-shirt shirt and some red shorts—Jason walked into the gym with a groan. The minute he entered he caught sight of it all. His peers—all eager—standing in their own little groups as they happily conversed with friends. Jason sighed loudly at the scene—he really didn't enjoy these sort of settings. He made his way further into the room, taking a seat on the bleachers as he lazily observed the others. By chance, one group shuffled a little closer to him, allowing the boy to eavesdrop on their conversation.
"Oh my God. The Spider-Girl is like, the coolest!"
"Totally! I remember everyone thought it was that guy from like...a decade ago, but it's actually a girl!"
"Yeah! She looks kinda young too. What if she's our age?! You think she could be one of our classmates?!"
It was a group of girls, all raving about the new spider themed hero. At this point, Jason couldn't even blame them. There was no one else to talk about. However, the rest of their conversation proved him wrong.
"Also, have you seen that video?"
"You mean the one with the guy getting thrown into the grocery store? Oh my God! That was so funny!"
"Like, who did he think he was? If I was that jackass I wouldn't ever show myself in public again."
"Right?! Totally embarrassing."
Jason felt himself shrink at their words and laughter.
'Just kill me.'
It felt like the universe was berating him with signs to quit. If it wasn't the Spider-Girl telling him, it was incidents like this. Honestly, Jason was second guessing himself. He wasn't quite sure what to do.
The voice surprised him. It had been a while since it spoke up in a non combat situation.
"Hm? What is?"
Jason rose a brow at that.
"Apprehensive how? I just don't get along with people that well you know? It's hard to talk to them."
He paused for a good few seconds at that question, his eyes passing over his peers in the auditorium before he replied.
"Not really."
The boy found the remark quite odd, the voice was really confusing him.
"...Why are you talking to me right now?"
"Why exactly? You seemed fine leaving me on my own 'till now."
Jason was quite irritated this point, the voice was no longer making any sense.
"I'm not...what are you talking about?"
However it remained silent, leaving Jason to his isolation.
"Whatever man..."
He sat there by himself for a few more minutes, but perked up when the door was opened. The coach walked in—a tall, well built man wearing a tracksuit with a whistle tied around his neck—signaling the official start of the class.
"Morning all! Sorry to be late! Just gather 'round."
With a groan Jason got up and walked towards the man like everyone else. When everyone had properly gathered, he once again addressed the class.
"Now, I want you all to grab a partner, because today we're gonna be doing the fitness test!"
A bunch of groans ensued as Jason stared at the man blankly.
'Oh fuck me...'
"Yeah yeah, groan all you like you're still gonna do it. Alright, pair up! Grab a partner so we can get started."
Over the next few minutes everyone got into their own pairs with their friends. Jason merely waited to the side for any stragglers or as he hoped, an uneven number of students meaning he got to do the test alone. However to his dismay, a few too many students were absent meaning not only was it an even number, but he had to partner with someone who he was in no way familiar with. His partner was a boy, taller than Jason, with long curly brown hair that fell down his back like a mullet. He had a few freckles, and his ear was pierced. Jason believed he had seen the guy in his Mathematics class before.
'I think his name is Zack or something.'
Standing next to Zack, Jason waited until everyone got into their pairs and the coach finally started the exercise.
"Everyone in your pairs? Good! Let's start with ten laps around the gym!"
So everyone got to running. The gym building was quite large, so the laps were going to be strenuous. Around the fourth lap, Jason was panting but surprised at how well he was holding on. Usually by now he would be no better than a dying fish on the shore. Perhaps his recent activity had blessed him with a hint of athleticism, though it wasn't enough to keep up for the full ten laps. Panting, Jason leaned against the wall.
'I hate this stupid test.'
He wasn't the last to finish, meaning he got to wait a few minutes and catch his breath. When everyone completed their laps, the coach once again addressed the class.
"Okay, all the times have been recorded. Get back in your pairs, next is the push-ups and sit-ups test."
Jason found his way over to Zack, the two agreed that the brunette would go first. Soon, the sound of the whistle blared throughout the room and everyone started. Jason stood above the boy, counting each pushup aloud.
"1, 2, 3-"
Though he counted, his mind was far from the current exercise. He was still thinking about last night's experience, and the video people were laughing at.
'My chest still kinda hurts. That was shit. Who am I kidding? All of it has been shit.'
His eyes drifting away from his partner, though he kept counting in a rhythm. By chance, he found them glancing over to May, who was effortlessly doing push-ups as her friend Cindy Moon counted.
'I mean...every time I've put on the suit, I've either gotten my ass handed to me or barely scraped by. If it wasn't for it helping me out the first few times, I probably would've been shot and killed...'
A loud sigh escape from the boy—he momentarily stopped counting before he resumed.
'I really might not be cut out for this...'
Another screech from the whistle, followed by the coach's voice.
"Alright, that's time. Switch!"
Zack rose up off the ground and looked towards Jason for his number.
"Sixty-two."
The brunette nodded as Jason got down into pushup position himself. Again, the coach blew his whistle and the boy started. He found the rhythmic action of ascending and descending a bit less strenuous than his last test, however it was still far from easy. The minute quickly flew by, and a sweaty Jason rose up after twenty-eight push-ups.
"Alright, sit-ups, let's go!"
Another swap, and some more counting. Jason managed to do thirty-three sit-ups, overshadowed by Zack's sixty-nine, but the boy couldn't be bothered to care. The exercises continued, Jason performing poorly in only a few, and average in most. The usual suspects were outperforming the others, but that was to be expected. However, one the other side of the room—to the boy's surprise—May seemed to be doing ridiculously well. The girl was in no way unfit, however today she seemed to be performing at an unusually high physical level. Remarkable flexibility, stamina, strength. She was even out performing some of the class's athletes. Jason only glanced at her for a moment again before he returned to his own thoughts.
'I guess without the suit, I'm still just Jason. Heh, who am I kidding? I can't do shit even when I'm wearing it.'
Performing some light stretches, he aimed to work out the soreness in his muscles. It was only a moment before the coach spoke up again.
"Alright, that's it for the test. How about we play some basketball till the end of clas?"
The others celebrated at the idea—atleast those who actually enjoyed sports. Jason however was far too tired and irritated to bother with the class at that point. So, he did something he wasn't quite used to. He skipped. Away from the coach's eye he managed to slip out of the gym and retreat to the locker rooms, where he quickly changed into his normal outfit and vanished into the halls. He really wasn't looking forward to a game of basketball—it would just be half an hour of him being pushed around. Besides, Jason was quite tired of getting knocked on his ass.
Leisurely walking up the stairs, he made his way towards the library. He wasn't planning on reading much today, instead he was looking for a quiet place to take a nap or listen to music. As he entered he found nothing out of place—the library was vacant as usual. He found a seat at a desk obscured by the many shelves and put in his earbuds. Rather lethargically, Jason plopped his head down onto the desk, his playlist blaring in his ear as rather useless thoughts clouded his mind.
Again, the voice initiated the conversation. This was beginning to become a bother.
"What is?"
Jason sighed softly.
"Yeah well, I'm finding it pretty hard to be positive."
"Well...it's like. I've been at this for almost two weeks now. And I mean, it started out fine. But I feel like things are still kinda going like shit, when I thought they would be better."
The voice didn't respond, but Jason continued.
"I guess I was pretty proud of myself when I made the webshooters, but it kinda killed all the momentum when I immediately got my ass kicked. Also thought I was doing kinda well...y'know, helping people. But I'm not really sure if I'm doing a good job at that either. It's just annoying. Seeing her do so well whereas I'm getting knocked around."
The boy sat up, his face sullen as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Do you think I should quit...?"
There it was. A completely detached and selfish answer. It reminded Jason that he wasn't talking to a human being who could understand or emphasize with him, but a cold unfeeling entity which only cared about the boy as a host. The absurdity of it all managed to get him to crack a smile.
'Yeah, maybe I ain't cut out for it.'
The two returned to silence after the brief exchange, Jason trying his best to disappear into his music and stop focusing on his thoughts.
———
———
Jason walked into his apartment with a dreary disposition, offering a small wave and greeting to his uncle as he did so.
"Evenin'..."
Max—who was seated at the dining table—turned to look at his nephew before he offered a greeting of his own.
"Hey kiddo."
Max eyed the boy as he walked over to his room—he exuded a miserable atmosphere.
"Everything alright Jay?"
The boy tossed his bag into his room before he turned to his uncle with a shrug.
"Just exhausted. Had gym today."
"You sure that's it?"
Max pressed on, breaking down the boy's polished exterior.
"I've been feeling kinda down I guess."
Max rose a brow, and pushed further.
"Really? Something you feel like talking about?"
Jason blinked, weighing his options as he looked between his room and the middle aged man. After a deep sigh, he closed his bedroom door and took a seat next to his uncle at the table.
"So, what's up?"
The boy began lazily twirling one of his braids, collecting his thoughts and planning how to handle the conversation.
"Well, let's just say I've picked up this new hobby."
"Like an extracurricular?"
Jason rubbed the back of his neck, barely hiding his nervousness.
"Kinda. I've been at it for a little while now—and I was pretty excited when I first started but...Now I'm really not feeling it."
Max rose a brow.
"Why not?"
"Well...I just haven't been getting any better at it. And this other person came along and she seems to have the hang of it. It's just like...disheartening y'know? Makes me wonder if I'm really needed. I mean...if I should keep doing it!"
Max hummed in thought for a moment, before he turned back to Jason with a smile.
"Do you enjoy it?"
That made Jason think. It was quite fun—the swinging, the feeling he got from helping someone and the satisfaction of beating down criminals. Though was that reason enough for him to keep at it?
"...I guess a part of me really does, but the rational part thinks I should just give up."
"Then stick with it."
Jason blinked, then rose his eyebrows in confusion.
"That's it? That's all you have to say?"
Max shrugged.
"Well, yeah. If you like it, stick with it."
"...But I'm horrible at it."
The middle aged man chuckled, adjusting his glasses.
"Listen Jay. You should always try to do the things you like. That's the beauty of youth. You guys have the power to do anything, to be anyone. And I've been seeing how much you've been enjoying yourself."
Jason felt a bit nervous at that.
"You have?"
"Yup. You think I don't notice what's going on with my own nephew. Coming in late every evening, forgetting things more often, when you're here you always seem to be elsewhere..."
He chuckled nervously at his uncle's words.
'Guess I haven't been as secretive as I thought.'
"At first I was worried. You seemed so exhausted. But then...I noticed how lively you were."
"Lively?"
"Yeah. Walking around the apartment with a smile everyday. Aways eager to leave. You had this...this spark in you. It was amazing."
'...I guess I was pretty chipper.'
Max placed a hand on Jason's shoulder. The two's eyes met.
"Listen Jay. Even if you're bad at it, keep at it. Trust me, you'll get better, I don't want to see this fire in you dissappear. I want you to be happy. So...keep looking forward. Just keep trying."
The boy thought for a moment. He was silent, reflecting over his uncle's words before a large smile stretched across his face.With a chuckle, he reached over and gave the man a hug.
"Thanks uncle Max."
The bespectacled man chuckled and returned the gesture.
"Whatever you need kiddo. I just want you to be happy."
After about a minute, the two parted and Jason got up with a smile.
"I'll be in my room then."
His uncle nodded, and Jason left the table. However, before he closed the door, he displayed a mischievous smile as he gave his uncle one final remark.
"I guess it's true that wisdom comes with age."
"I'm not that old Jason. Jason!"
With that, he closed his door and left the man to come to terms with his age. However, a new ambition was emboldened within him.
———
———
Sitting upright on his bed, Jason stared directly at the mirror across the room. His reflection stared back at him—it looked as if the two were having a silent conversation. Lights from the streets below flashed through his window, and police sirens pierced his ears constantly, however both failed to disturb his thoughts.
'I've been really childish about this.'
He thought back to his recent mindset, specifically his desire for publicity and animosity towards Spider-Girl. Silently, he wondered what he should be doing better. If there was anything he could do better. For a moment, an estranged from his childhood sparked in his mind, and the boy's eyes displayed his realization.
'I...I think I know what I should do now.'
He stood up, his eyes lit with fiery determination as he continued to stare at his reflection.
"Hey, come out."
Quickly, the black suit covered his entire body. Much like the first day he awoke with the suit, he saw his visage morph and change in the mirror, however now he didn't show a hint of fear. The boy gazed at his suit, staring first at his large white eyes, then his gaze drifted to the the rest of his body. He noted the vacancy.
"You can change your shape right? Like, taking on another form?"
"...Do you think I can make some changes?"
His thoughts drifted for a moment. He knew he wanted to take on the visage of a hero—or at the very least someone who could save people while stopping criminals—and there was only one person who captured that image for the boy. After a few drastic minutes, Jason unlocked his window and crawled outside. Slowly, he made his way up to the roof of his apartment, avoiding many windows along the way. When he reached the top, he stood on the edge and gazed over the city.
'I won't half ass it anymore.'
The skyscrapers reflected the neon lights of the night, shining them across the entire city. It was bathed in pinks, blues and greens.
'I won't do this for approval or publicity.'
The grungy buildings further out managed to display their own beauty, as the birthplace of those aforementioned lights and the homes of the true people of the city.
'I might not be good at it. I might still get beat around a lot.'
A car sped by on the street below. Its lights managed to flash across the entire building, washing over Jason as well and illuminating his new image. Now, his black suit was lined with sharper eyes, thin silver webbing, and a large white spider symbol that stretched from his chest to his back. Jason stood tall, where there was doubt before now there was brilliant determination.
'I think...I'm just gonna keep looking forward.'
He clenched his fists and bent his knees.
'Maybe that's all I can do.'
With a leap, he flew off the building and vanished into the dark city. That night, both a lucky and unlucky few managed to catch sight of a boy swinging through the city in a black suit. A boy they would eventually recognize as the Spider-Man.