I looked up at the ceiling as i continued to lay down on the couch, the scent of ash and beers filled the air , the only sound came from the humming of the television, i let out a heavy sigh, when was the last time i rested , my body was all heavy and kept throwing up on the amount of beer i kept forcing my body to take , but who would blame me , i just need a distraction , a break from the world , even if its from a little while, just to numb away the pain i have been feeling ,just a chance to let my mind feel light without thinking about anything else
'its just been confirmed ,one of the young female artist by the name of Astrid has been alleged accused of raping a high school student , more information are yet to be discovered , so stay tuned for more ' the tv hummed with the news , i slowly dragged my eyes to look at the screen , they i was , my face all over the news with a title of a rapist , i felt like shit , i scoffed in disbelief, nothing was making sense .
My phone vibrated as i reached for it , tossing some few empty cans to the ground as i reached it , i looked at the screen , millions of notifications keep flooding in, shit of missed calls , i unlocked my phone as i went to the headlines , of course, i was top one , the comment were as cruel as the next
'bubbles123: i always knew she was trouble from the start'
'45layla45: i guess she like them young , so disgusting blergh'
'cateater@killer: if you need someone to sleep with, you know where to find me'
'astridtherapist@89: i hope she get hit my a car and dies a slow death'
I turned off the screen , i felt like crying . i didn't even rape anyone , a few days , i lost my job as an artist, i lost all of my sponsorship , all for something i did not do .
A month ago during a greet and meet fan , i came across a highschooler who was a boy and said was afan of me . i thought it was cute and we talked , he kept on commenting on my post , he acted so clingy , but i just thought of him as a regular fan, he even won a chance to spend a day with an artist , which was of course me , i noticed that he saw me as way more of an admirer but i rejected him , then the next the boy went to the police accusing me of sexually assaulting him , when he was the one who went to my room but i kicked him out , but surely , everyone believed him , i tried to protest but everyone turned a blind eye ,
Ever since then , i went to my private apartment, away from people , the one i built as therapeutic place whenever i felt like shit , and right now , i needed it. I stepped out , the harsh and unforgiving cold greeted me as it bit to my skin , leaving goosebumps in its wake , but my mind barely registered it , i held on tightly on my phone like my only comfort i needed in this cruel world . i slowly walked outside , my feet hitting the tough ground , piercing through my flesh as blood started to come out , leaving a bloody path . my hair was a mess and matted , eyes had dark circles , maybe from insomnia or depression , i couldn't tell, i lost a pound of weight in this few days , that all my clothes were too big for me
I dragged my feet as i continued to walk, my breath grew heavier each passing second , my lugs felt like someone was squeezing them tight , i stopped by the cliff , as i looked at the horizon , everything looked peaceful , the thrashing sound of the angry waves crashing into stones , the soothing whistle of the wind , the stars sparkled in the sky , i smiled , not of happiness of course
My phone rang , i looked at it , it was my aunt , i looked at the screen for a while before answering and placed the phone above my ear
"aun-"
"Astrid where the fuck are you?" she shouted on the other line, judging by how angry her voice was, if i was infront of her , she would have given me a hard slap across my face and looked at me with disgust in her face . i stood silent as i continued to daze lifelessly at the waves .
"Astrid ....how dare you rape a young child?, even your dead parents might be disappointed in you. You had a boyfriend but you decided to take advantage on a young kid , i heard that your boyfriend is getting engaged to someone right now , good for him , who would want to stay with a rapist . " she paused as she let the words sink before she continued "you should go and ask for forgiveness at the young kid and go to prison!" she yelled
I stood silent , i felt my heart shatter and bleed , i knew she was not going to believe me , but to drag my parents into this , a single tear shed down but refused to break down
"I'm.....not a rapist" i finally was able to choke out those words "i did not rape anyone ... stop calling me that"
" ever heard of a criminal admitting to their crimes ?, you can cry all you want , but deep down you know it , you know what you did , I'm so disgusted at you . don't call me your auntie got that , you are already tarnishing my reputation " with that she hang up the call
I stood there as i looked at the screen , the wallpaper was with me and my 4 year long boyfriend, Jacob. He and i met at a shooting set and we became inseparable ever since then, i went to my contacts and called him , after a long wait , he finally answered
"Jacob" i slowly said
"Astrid ....hi , thought you went underground after that incident , how are you?"
"how am i?, that's a shitty question to ask me right now " my breath hitched as i wiped tears that started to fall "don't now the last time i slept, kept on intoxicating myself with alcohol ..... everyday is just hell Jacob"
"....you know , if you could confess to your crimes , you wouldn't be shitty right now"
i scoffed in disbelief as i let out a heavy gasp "you also think i raped him , is that why you're getting married , for people to not see you as my boyfriend ..... wow"
"Astrid , ..... did you want me to go and support you after what you did , anyways I'm getting married yes to someone else " as he spoke a girls voice was heard from the background "look i got to go , just don't do nothing stupid and come clean " he hang up right after
My body went stiff from the cold , i dropped my hand down . what was it that i have in this world, what meaning do i have , i have no one to remember me if i leave , no one to love me ,just like that , i lost everything , and for that , it truly hurts , i clenched my chest and bit my lower lip as i trembled, tears flow freely as i sobbed , "I'm not a rapist,...I'm not a rapist" i said in a shaky voice . my phone slipped from my hand as i watched it crash down in the angry waves before i lost sight of it .
I have no meaning in this life , i thought as i slowly walked through the edge of the cliff . i looked at the waves down below , before i knew it , i was already falling , i looked at the moon that looked at me before i hit the water and my body felt like it was being peeled off , i got tossed around by the waves as my head collided with a stone before washing me away to the cool waters
My eyes were open as i looked at the moon as my vision turned red, i slowly sank down to the bottom of the ocean , my body felt at peace , as if this is where i was supposed to be , i slowly closed my eyes as everything started to quiet down . maybe in another life i wont be cursed ..... maybe in another life , i would finally be happy ...that will be a dream come true, or so i thought