Heartbreaks are scary they hurt. You get love deprived, deprived of all the attention that you were getting, and I was just trying to get loved, and there's this thing with love.
You get it from wherever you can, and I was doing everything to be loved, anything a love deprived person would dare to do.
I still remember how heartbroken I was from Vishal's incident , ending a love story feels like death, death of you ! And I was dead inside when it happened to me but Girish was there for me, he didn't helped me through break-up thou but he was there , cause he only wanted me to love him, He didn't care about who else I was loving.
Girish Jha was indulging too much in my life , wanting to meet me, looking for ways to be close to me , planning a future with me , but I told him one too many times "Girish i am not ready for all that, i just turned 14 and you are 24 it's not going to work" even the young me knew it was messed up but Girish kept on insisting that it's ok, that love doesn't know any age, Girish asked me if I was a Virgin , and i said I yes , I lied considering I was just so young I had to lie but then he asked me why I was a virgin , older me would have been furious on the question itself but his audacity to ask about why a stupid teenager was a virgin was something else,
"Well i didn't thought i was suppose to do it , isn't it something i shouldn't be doing" i replied cause as a teenager that's all I could have done, Girish laughed and said " well it's not like you are suppose to be a virgin i can change it , meet me and I'll show you how it feels not to be a virgin"
His words made me had chills and not in a good way, after that day for some reason, Girish use to talk to me about how he would f4ck me when we'll meet, How he'll take me in the shower, how his body will cherish mine while he'll be all over me and what not, Girish was making me explore the desires i knew I already explored , it felt appealing but I knew it was scary, I had done it all .
Not with Girish but with Pratik, Pratik was my friend's older brother he was 26 and was into me, one day I was playing blindfold with my friend and Pratik grabbed me by my waist , and i gasped he put his hand on my mouth and took me to his room , my friend was still waiting outside but Pratik asked me to not remove my blind fold so I didn't and he kissed my lips, Pratik was my first kiss, he kissed me in a way it felt like something, something which still makes me guilty of liking it, he gently pushed me on the wall and tilted my chin slightly and put his lips on mine, not forcing it not doing anything just his lips touching mine and his breath mixing with mine he stayed like that for a second and then went away.
I was frozen, the guy i use to call brother, just kissed me, i still had the blindfolds on, i could still smell Pratik's smell but then my friend came in looking for me and I went out of his room.
That whole day i was waiting for Pratik to just show up but he wasn't home and in the evening I was leaving for my house and saw him getting in the house, Pratik looked around to see if anyone was looking and no one was there so he grabbed me and kissed me on cheeks then went away.
I didn't use to go to my friend's house everyday but with my new found passion for Pratik, I went to his house on a Sunday morning, Pratik was by the swing with his sister, he looked at me and smiled asking me to sit on the swing and i did, he sent my friend to bring him water and while she was gone,
Pratik grabbed me by my waist and kissed my neck before pushing the swing, everytime the swing went back to him he did that, then my friend came back so he stopped and we went to play inside, he set beside me his legs were touching mine and when my friend wasn't looking his hands were on my thighs , sometimes sliding in my skirt trying to make it's way somewhere else but wasn't able to in fear of getting caught, but he smiled seeing me barely controlliy myself, he squeezed my thighs and then my friend's mother called her to go out with her for a while , Pratik started acting like we'll be playing Uno till my friend returns but he had something else in mind something that changed my life forever .
As soon as my friend left Pratik picked me up in bridal style and took me in his room , there he put me on the bed and started kissing me from lips to neck and then he started removing my clothes, i still remember how nervous i was I knew it was all wrong and i felt like stopping him but didn't maybe I was liking all that too, and while he was removing my clothes, i could see his eyes exploring every part of my body, I felt ashamed and embarassed.
My hands were covering my body and i had tears in my eyes i didn't know why I agreed to even try that but the second I was naked i felt guilt, so much so I was asking him to not do it but Pratik said " Aneya it's ok i know you are young and you might be afraid, but i promise I'll make you addicted to it, besides we only have half hour to our selves don't ruin it for me!" His last line was a little loud more like a shout so I gave in, I layed in bed and Pratik did his thing i still remember how he forced himself even when I screamed and cried it was hurting and my legs were pushing him away , Pratik made me stay put by digging his hands on me and i had no other options, i closed my eyes and he continued, when i opened my eyes i saw him taking pictures, i didn't know how many he took but i tried to take his phone and he stopped me, he said that I'll have to trust him that everything was safe with him and that I was such a good girl and he'll do it tomorrow too when no-one will be home.
I nod and Pratik left the room nd i started getting dressed and he didn't look at me when I was leaving, he didn't look how he did the day he grabbed me to kiss him, didn't look how he did when he wasn't sure if i liked him, but that's how it was suppose to be Right? When someone get's what they want that's all they expect from you , well what can I say I was just a stupid teenager...