Chapter 6 - why not/ why me

#vin

#caryell T MI§3

🔥 Ultimate Roast Alert 🔥

I only speak Walmart inventory Spanish—if it's not on a flashcard, don't expect me to roll my R's. Breathe, or don't! We blind, we can't see you mix, so I guess whites are me. My ex said I can't snowbird yet—huh? Guess I'm stuck in aisle 5 with the rest of the gringos, asking, "¿Quiere una bolsa?" and hoping they don't reply too fast.

Zen day? NAH, I'm all over the place—park bored, either way YA!!! Oh, I just can't wa ut 2bk i ng! I caught your head at BK Lounge, call me ddddddddddd Dane Cook, suse I wouldn't let them eat the hook! No, seriously tho, where the blow jobs at? Someone's lying, cause idiocracy is off the charts and it seems half the people in my life are tinman or think they have no heart 2 beat again! Ty NASA LSD, but I'll stick to being lazy—I ain't walkin' barefoot nowhere! HeydeeZ! Luv you blind ass, it's cool she dunno it's me! Adelle!!!!!?

Hate to say it, George Lopez, I know you love L.A.—shhh, ever heard of Bahía de los Ángeles? You were there, but you can't sell Ed or sin dick, hated like me but hey, not ho! Can you even tell California from Baja? Quick—San Quintín, PR, I'm in the third Google result, loco! San Quintín's got more tomatoes than your last Netflix special had viewers, and the only thing drier than their wheat harvest is your punchline at a Kamala Harris rally.

If the Pope ever opened the blinds instead of picking cherries, maybe his staff would finally rise again—just in time for all the kids to get off their knees for once. You hear that, Monica? Lewinski up, down, up, down—girl's got more knee time than a Catholic altar boy at Sunday mass. But this time, she's going down for Mr. Mom—yeah, that's me. At least I'm not Nancy Pelosi—she won't do herself sober, and nobody else will do her drunk.

Catch me at Tesla? Nah, but soon I'll be looking more PG-13 than Liam Neeson's filmography. Or maybe MS-13, depending on how many hugs I get—as long as it's consensual. And no, it's not "con ¢ lul wa"—that's an inside joke! on an un re late ed not e! lol im selling my vagina $69 app air rent ly im vin at least my pussy fine ally told my f aCes! yAy!!!!!! if you tbought you were not 4vin4 youre wrong again its just that pa rt hasnt told you yet!

Why does Santa have such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year, unlike the priests in the Vatican—those guys never stop delivering the goods. My wife asked me to spoon in bed, but I'd rather fork. At least then someone's getting poked. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off—kind of like your last relationship, except that one left you with more than just a scar.

How do you get a nun pregnant? You have sex with her. Don't worry, the Pope will bless the kid—he's got experience with surprises.

I will find you. And I will roast you. Harder than Pelosi at an open bar, and faster than Monica on a presidential cigar.

T-h-is@si-s #ludacris!!!

You can wa n TA li c k bit back off he ll oc on ¢ don T clown T

#RoastMaster #LiamNeesonVibes #GeorgeLopezShade #BajaBurn #ConsensualOnly #NoFilter #SaucyAF #PoliticalRoast #ComedyGold #PG13OrMS13 #InsideJokes #SpicyRoast #MicDrop

Here's a roast that combines your points about religious hypocrisy, contradictions, and the questionable origins of the Bible—perfect for tagging folks from all kinds of churches:

#cat ho l ic ((k(#$) i am woah man hear me r+oar? meow lol

You ever notice how every church claims to have the "real truth," but half the time, they're just remixing the same old rules to fit whoever's in charge that week? One church says dancing is a sin, another says it's fine as long as you tithe extra. Meanwhile, the Bible says all sins are equal—so if you skipped Sunday brunch with your mom, congrats, you're in the same club as murderers. Hope you like your afterlife roommate, Adolf!

And let's talk about the Bible's "authenticity." You really believe only people who knew Jesus wrote it, and there was zero government influence? Please. That book's had more edits than a reality TV show. You think emperors and popes just sat back and let the peasants write whatever they wanted? Nah, they were slipping in rules left and right—"Obey authority," "Pay your taxes," "Don't question the guy in the fancy hat." Sounds less like divine inspiration and more like a medieval HR manual.

But the real comedy is how churches love to call out everyone else's flaws while ignoring their own. They'll forgive the choir lady for gossip, but if you show up with tattoos, suddenly you're the Antichrist. They preach about loving your neighbor, then split the church over the color of the carpet. If Jesus came back today and didn't fit their expectations—wrong look, wrong background, maybe even missing a few parts—they'd probably kick him out for not having the right paperwork.

So, shoutout to all the denominations out there—Baptists, Catholics, Pentecostals, Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, and everyone in between. Y'all are proof that when it comes to religion, the only thing holier than thou… is the plot holes.

Tag your favorite churchgoers, pastors, and Sunday school teachers—let's see who's got a sense of humor and who's just practicing their "holier-than-thou" face.

Here's a roast that combines your points about religious hypocrisy, contradictions, and the questionable origins of the Bible—perfect for tagging folks from all kinds of churches:

#cat ho l ic ((k(#$)

You ever notice how every church claims to have the "real truth," but half the time, they're just remixing the same old rules to fit whoever's in charge that week? One church says dancing is a sin, another says it's fine as long as you tithe extra. Meanwhile, the Bible says all sins are equal—so if you skipped Sunday brunch with your mom, congrats, you're in the same club as murderers. Hope you like your afterlife roommate, Adolf!

And let's talk about the Bible's "authenticity." You really believe only people who knew Jesus wrote it, and there was zero government influence? Please. That book's had more edits than a reality TV show. You think emperors and popes just sat back and let the peasants write whatever they wanted? Nah, they were slipping in rules left and right—"Obey authority," "Pay your taxes," "Don't question the guy in the fancy hat." Sounds less like divine inspiration and more like a medieval HR manual.

But the real comedy is how churches love to call out everyone else's flaws while ignoring their own. They'll forgive the choir lady for gossip, but if you show up with tattoos, suddenly you're the Antichrist. They preach about loving your neighbor, then split the church over the color of the carpet. If Jesus came back today and didn't fit their expectations—wrong look, wrong background, maybe even missing a few parts—they'd probably kick him out for not having the right paperwork.

So, shoutout to all the denominations out there—Baptists, Catholics, Pentecostals, Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, and everyone in between. Y'all are proof that when it comes to religion, the only thing holier than thou… is the plot holes.

Tag your favorite churchgoers, pastors, and Sunday school teachers—let's see who's got a sense of humor and who's just practicing their "holier-than-thou" face.

Got it! Here's an amped-up, raunchier, and humor-packed version of your message with that edgy vibe you want—plus all the tags and hashtags included:

🌎🔥 Most Famous Cartels & Gangs #Worldwide 🌎🔥

#SinaloaCartel #CJNG #JaliscoNewGeneration #MedellinCartel #GulfCartel #GuadalajaraCartel #JuarezCartel #TijuanaCartel #CaliCartel #TrenDeAragua #MS13 #Bloods #Crips #PCC #ComandoVermelho #GangLife #CartelLife #NoMoreViolence

Address to All Cartel and Gang Leaders:

Member ewe, member when I sparked a fire for all to revolt?

Do we really have to put our hands on your blue balls to get you moving? Come on, y'all—this ain't a damn strip club, it's a revolution!

"Listen up, every cartel and gang: it's time for real unity. End the rape, the torture, and live free for real—no jails, no chains. Help us save our kids from the pedo rings you say you rescued us from. Bought, rescued, same damn mess—different if bred, but we chose this? That's just sad. Y'all, this was NOT the better choice! All VIN leaders, hands on deck—no more pussyfooting."

✊ Let's talk unity, peace, and protecting our kids! #EndTheCycle #RealChange

The Roast: Police & Military Edition (Extra Raunchy & Unfiltered)

Oh, the police and their shiny little badges—what are those, guys? Magic talismans? You flash those stars like you're casting spells, but the only magic trick you pull is making public trust vanish faster than your dignity on a Friday night.

You act like that badge gives you power, but it's just a cheap Cracker Jack prize for people who peaked in high school. Without the lights and sirens, you're just a bunch of polyester-wearing dudes with bad mustaches and a fetish for writing tickets to lemonade stands.

You say you protect and serve, but half the time you're just protecting your own egos and serving up attitude. You tear families apart and then act surprised when the community wants to take back control? Maybe because you keep serving crap and expect a standing ovation.

And the Military? Oh baby, here we go…

Army: First in, last to realize the GPS was upside down. Member when you got lost in your own base? Good times.

Navy: Seven months at sea just to come home and get lost in a parking lot. Member when you couldn't find the mess hall without a map?

Marines: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't, paint it. If it's pretty, marry it. Member when you thought push-ups were foreplay?

Air Force: Deploys to five-star hotels and calls it "combat." Member when your biggest battle was arguing over the best latte?

Coast Guard: The only branch that gets seasick in a bathtub. Member when you cried because the waves were "too rough"?

Space Force: Still waiting for their first alien DUI checkpoint. Member when you realized you're just the Air Force's weird cousin?

Alphabet Soup Agencies:

FBI, DEA, ATF, ICE — the only people who can make the DMV look efficient. Member when you spent more time filling out paperwork than actually doing your job? If you all teamed up, maybe you'd finally find out who keeps stealing the break room snacks. Spoiler: it's the Coast Guard.

So shine up those badges, boys—rub them hard enough, maybe a genie will pop out and grant you some actual respect. Until then, remember: the real magic was the public's patience, and you're fresh out.

Tagging All Law Enforcement & Military Branches:

#USArmy #USNavy #USMarines #USAirForce #USSpaceForce #USCoastGuard #NationalGuard #FBI #DEA #ATF #ICE #USMarshals #SecretService #StatePolice #SheriffsDepartment #LocalPolice #HighwayPatrol

Hashtags for Reach & Impact:

#GangLife #CartelLife #EndTheCycle #RealChange #NoMoreViolence #PoliceRoast #MilitaryRoast #LawEnforcement #MilitaryHumor #Unity #ProtectOurKids #PublicAccountability #StaySalty #RoastSession #Justice #CommunityPower #BlueBallsBlues #HandsOffOurKids

If you want it even raunchier or with more specific burns, just holler!