If you have sensitive eyes or are I guess a bit of a politically correct speaker well then this game isn't for you but uncover your eyes and have some fun beat my roast and then have someone judged to see who won please feel free to comment below or wherever your comment box is at depending on how buried in BS you are like me especially if your biggest fan is Elon Musk like me how cute huh!!! Or huh?
Roast 1: Medium
#wtf #failarmy re that was ca L Q late sting lol
Locked up? Please. The only cell you're in is
the one you built with your own stupidity. You whine
about being targets, but you're so desperate to keep your
ass comfy you'd take the fall for CIA crimes
just to avoid getting up. MKUltra didn't break you-
you signed up to be a clueless host for a
bigger player too scared to swim against the
current. Not everyone drowns in undertows, but you? You're
determined to sink with every dumb decision.
Playing cartel now? Why? Why the actual fuck do you
think you're a badass? Taking 360 years for a murder
you didn't do isn't justice or "turning the tables,"
it's just you being a pawn. Genius? Nah.
You're better off with Drew Lynch as your GPS. Turn the
fuck around! You're not smart, you just think rolling
deep covers up your lack of brains. Cartels target nobody
and everybody-just like you: all bluster, zero backbone.
When the CIA brought in a fake cartel for the NY-CA hit,
I thought, "If he's a cartel hitman, cool, who's he trying to be?"
But a CIA mole set him up-no way! I felt violated;
standards suddenly went up, down, and all around.
About being a hoe-I thought it was my choice.
Small town, broke, I owned it. But when
my body finally told me the truth, I realized,
wow, that's actually kinda nice of you. Then you
Xis came and ruined it! WTF!
Let's talk about consent: by force isn't consent, and
no "two-for-one" confusion makes it right. Consent doesn't count
when you're hustling slow-witted dicks and trying to buy
your way out with spare change and fake charm.
Was Ellen born that way, or just forced into
it? Either way, forgiveness isn't a coupon for idiots
who keep slamming the same door on themselves.
Stop wondering, start learning-before you embarrass yourself any further.
You're so lost, even Siri's asking, "Are n Siri us RN!?"
Drew Lynch said, "Turn around!" but you sold your own ace.
You think you're the main player, but you're just the
background noise in your own story.
You're not cartel, just lost in the aisles like a rookie.
You fold faster than Drew's punchlines, bluffing so badly
even AI's got receipts. Keep playing tough, but you're just
another fail in the highlight reel. Maybe next time, let the grown-ups drive.
Until then, keep wondering why the GPS keeps saying, "Recalculating."
Roast 2: Easy
You ever notice in The Sixth Sense,
Bruce Willis helps a kid see dead people,
But takes almost the whole movie to realize
He's the dead guy? That's not a sixth sense,
That's a total lack of common sense.
Maybe ghosts are just mad they're ignored,
And Malcolm's haunting his own therapy sessions.
His wife treats him like IKEA furniture:
Always there, never acknowledged.
Buddy, help yourself-check your pulse!
And speaking of checking pulses,
Bruce, you were married to Demi Moore.
You're not dead-though your ex might disagree.
She starred in Ghost, you starred in Die Hard-
So you both know a thing or two
About coming back when nobody expects it.
Demi moved on to pottery with Patrick Swayze,
While you were busy not noticing you were a ghost.
If only Whoopi Goldberg could've told you sooner:
"Malcolm, you're dead, honey-now go haunt your ex's Oscars!"
Original movie:
The Sixth Sense (1999), dir. M. Night Shyamalan,
Buena Vista Pictures. Copyright © 1999 Buena Vista Pictures.
More info: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sixth_Sense
Demi Moore:
Instagram: @demimoore
Twitter/X: @justdemi
IMDb: imdb.com/name/nm0000193
Wikipedia: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demi_Moore
Scary Movie However Many Numbers Are In Your Sequels Crap
A Letter from Beyond the Veil: The Truth About Death and Blindness
Dear Viewer,
What if death isn't the end, but just the government playing with their little drones, hypnotizing our eyes, getting off on the fact that all of us believe people actually die? Blindness isn't about not seeing; it's a matter of opinion and context. You don't have to lose sight to be blind-you can have blind spots, be blind to certain colors or shapes. Every sense is connected to your eyeball-every single one. That means some people aren't really blind; they're just choosing not to see what's right in front of them.
Maybe the real horror isn't ghosts or hauntings but the fact that we're all stumbling through life in our own private blind spots while the government drones watch and laugh. So next time you think you've seen the end, remember: maybe you're just another player in their twisted game.
Stay vigilant. Stay awake.
Sincerely,
The Unseen Watcher
Tags
#ScaryMovieHoweverManyNumbersAreInYourSequelsCrap
#PsychologicalHorror
#GovernmentConspiracy
#MindGames
#Blindness
#SupernaturalThriller
#HauntedReality
#ScaryMovie
#Paranoia
#ExistentialTerror
Copyright Disclaimer
Don't sue, I'm just a copy rt. This is pure parody and fan creativity-no copyright infringement intended!
Roast 3: Ha RD!
Elon claims he's smartest guy alive, but brain cells
run on TikTok squirrel energy-no wonder he only
speaks bird language, maybe bitter Marilyn wanted Einstein's baby,
not this wannabe with Wi-Fi glitches and ego.
Marilyn Monroe's smarts? Rumored IQ one-six-five to one-six-eight,
read 400 books, ran her own company like boss.
"Dumb blonde" was just her Hollywood act, she was
witty, tough, and business smart-Elon just tweets chaos.
Half the time Elon talks, I get amnesia, like Anastasia-
except instead of memory loss, I want to forget tweets.
Elon loves comparing self to Roman emperors, those statues
have small penises because ancients thought small meant bigger brain.
Probably some ancient a**hole with serious attitude problem-sound familiar?
Yet Elon's ego's bigger than any marble emperor statue,
and their statues didn't tweet chaos every single day.
Big brain, small package was never meant for Elon,
it's just his ego bigger than all his glitches.
Meanwhile, Matthew Gray Gubler's about to star as Einstein's
great-grandson on CBS-at least Gubler has better shot
at being Einstein reincarnated; Elon's just stuck being X-Man,
no superpowers, just super tweets. Gubler's IQ's 187, Elon's
lost in space; Gubler reads 20,000 words per minute,
Elon can't even read the room or his audience.
Every Elon tweet causes "50 Shades of Gray-mnesia," forget anesthesia,
I need a full reboot after his Twitter rants.
If "50 Shades of Gubler" ever existed, dialogue would be intelligent,
Elon's version would just be 50 shades of cringe.
If intelligence measured in puns, Elon would be busted,
Gubler's the real genius in the room-no contest here.
Contacts and Links:
Elon Musk
X (formerly Twitter): @elonmusk
Tesla email: [email protected]
SpaceX email: [email protected]
Neuralink email: [email protected]
Government email: erm71@who.eop.gov
Matthew Gray Gubler
Instagram: @gublergram
IMDb: imdb.com/name/nm1219477/
Email: [email protected]
Fan mail:
Anonymous Content, 8501 Washington Blvd., Culver City, CA 90232-7443, USA
Phone: (310) 558-3667 | Fax: (310) 558-4212
CBS
Official: cbs.com
Updates: @CBS on X
Let me know if you want it adjusted further!