Five months have passed. I still couldn't get rid of this thing in my tummy. My parents disowned me. They kicked me out of the house 3 months ago. I've been moving from one friend's house to the next until they all eventually got tired of me. I had to lower my standards and settle for the streets. As unsafe as they were, I had no choice. I got into an altercation with this other girl who smokes nyaope and she nearly stabbed me to death. I guess I was not for the streets either.
I had been staying under the bridge for the past two months. I couldn't believe that ME, a highly qualified office administrator, was staying under the bridge. I tried to look for a job to at least be a maid but as soon as they see my baby bump, they just reject me. I didn't have a cell phone, no laptop, no hope, no future, just me and my baby.
When reality kicks in it kicks hard. Everything seems to be falling apart all at once. I surely don't deserve all the misery I'm going through. I don't deserve any of this. I dwelled in my train of thoughts with tears falling profusely from my eyes.
The hooting of the cars made my head spin. The voices in my head got louder and louder!
"KILL YOURSELF! KILL YOURSELF! KILL YOURSELF!"
They were in my head but it felt like I could actually see who was talking to me. Without thinking twice, I climbed up the bridge and waited for the fastest car I could see. There it came. I took one last look at the sky and said a small prayer.
"God forgive me."
Without thinking twice, I jumped right in front of the car. I could feel the wheels running over me. As I closed my eyes and said my goodbyes.
"See you in the next life, my baby."
A secret message to my baby that I've grown to love and appreciate. They say God makes no mistakes. My baby is no mistake, I AM THE MISTAKE!