The moment I saw her face, I flinched and shut my eyes. Not knowing what to do, my eyelids just fluttered open and closed. The familiarity of her face buried me in the cellar of memories, covering me with cold earth.
"İpek. W-what are you doing here?" she asked nervously, clutching the half-wrinkled fabric of her school skirt.
Paralyzed by shock, I gasped, "What are you doing here?"Seeing her was like encountering a ghost. Before my eyes came the memory of a restaurant meal we had innocently shared, then the photos she had spread all over the school, ruining me. I had mistaken her for a close friend, ready to make her a part of myself, but she had crushed my dignity countless times. Betrayal was among the unforgivable sins. I expected to see remorse on her face, but all I saw was fifty-one shades of uncertainty.
"I-I came here… I came here with a ticket. To the cinema hall. Then suddenly the electricity went out and I fell here."After hurriedly spilling the words, trembling, her shoulders slumped and her back continued to shake with sobs."I don't know what to do. Terrible games are being played here and I never wanted to come here."
"Could you see the future in your dreams?" I interrupted.
Her crying nearly stopped."See the future?"
"To predict upcoming events beforehand. Imagine you bought a lottery ticket and saw the numbers in your dream, or saw the grades you would get on a school exam."
Her eyes remained still and filled with tears, staring at me blankly. Slowly shaking her head, she said,"No. I don't have any of that."
Though she hadn't explained anything, I was greeted by words on a cinema screen. When I asked her about it, she again shook her head. Despite my anger toward her, I was curious why she was here in the first place. What was Zenan doing here? If she didn't have the ability to see the future, how had she gotten in? Later, I realized I had been speaking as if everyone here had such a power.
Maybe it wasn't necessary.How many people here did I really know to conclude something like that?
The war of memories echoed in my mind, leaving a bitter, faint taste behind. The heaviness created by the taste was lasting.As I slowly stood up, a voice called behind me."They only told me one thing."I turned around on my shaking knees and met her eyes, which were brimming with silent tears.Whatever she was about to say—no matter how terrible Zenan's heart was—it mattered to me.
"Decision Implementation Council Resolution."She immediately began searching her pockets and pulled out a piece of paper.My knees trembled.I took the paper from her and lifted it to eye level. Light shimmered over the ink stains.
On a rectangular golden-yellow envelope, the paper read:
"Decision Implementation Council Resolution:
Dear Zenan Yıldız,Your name has been drawn on a user's selection card.Until the Council grants you an exit permit, you must participate as a player in the games.We ask for your understanding and wish you good luck."**
Zenan started speaking with a slight panic as I inspected her card."I don't understand any of this. Do you know anything?"
As if a piece of her past had just struck her, she lowered her head like a sunflower.She should have felt shame for what she did—if she hadn't, I would have forever believed her heart was utterly devoid of mercy and full of hatred.
I pressed my lips tightly together in pain, though everything she did should have convinced me enough.
"Someone must have picked your name in the Wish Elimination Game.Those selected by the cards are invited to the game by the Decision Implementation Council," I explained flatly."That's all from me. Don't ever come near me again."
Wait a minute—where did I know all this from?It all slipped out of my mouth so naturally that I doubted myself.
She seemed to say,"Just as I thought… You remember."
"Remember what?"
She shook her head.
When I said these things to Zenan, my heart began pounding loudly.For the first time in a long time, I celebrated having that much courage.I had nothing left to say.
I couldn't let my heart be consumed and lost in hatred.
As I carelessly tried to walk away from her, I felt her hand clutch my ankle.
"I'm sorry..."
Her words sounded far from convincing to my ears.
"Sorry?" I said, turning away."Did your conscience ever bother you during all the things you did?"
A bitter smile began to break apart on my lips like fragile branches.Something was painfully pulling my lips at both sides.
She avoided my gaze and slid her hand off my leg.
"I'm sorry... I just—"
"What? You just? Do you think what you did will wash away your sins?"
"I-I..." she said as her hair fell back over her face.What had happened now to fuel that devil's blind rage?"What's that? Don't you have friends left to humiliate me with?" I said, sneering.This time, it was me who had adopted that mocking tone.Since I'd touched Ayaz's arm and he had remembered being here once more, my confidence had been slowly returning, broken but mending.
These small feelings from the past began to probe me.
Before the life where I was bullied, there had been another life.It was made up of completely different frames.At least in one way.Even if I couldn't remember the events clearly, what little my feelings recalled suggested there had once been something beautiful.Traces.They accompany a person all their life.
Still, perhaps because I was somewhat curious about what she wanted to say, I stared into her trembling eyes.She seemed to want to explain something, pushing out her lips and nervously twisting the fabric between her fingers.Her knuckles, from rubbing her fingers together, were swollen and tinted orange and red.
"Just say it..."
When she kept crying, my nerves frayed.
"Just as I expected," I said softly, continuing to walk."You have neither the face nor the reason to speak."A not-so-encouraging smile settled on my face — just enough to convince myself.As I headed toward the maroon door opposite me, she shouted:
"Don't you remember paying points under the table for me to treat you like that in the cinema hall?"
I tried to digest each word she said.
"What are you trying to say?"
"I'm saying..."I felt her rising from the ground — the weight of her presence moving toward me.
"You paid points under the table so I'd bully you."
I turned my back and wagged my index finger warningly."If you keep up this nonsense, I'll ruin you!"
But my anger lasted only until her hesitation faded and she pulled out a check from her pocket."Here!" she said, extending a signed piece of paper to me.
It was my signature—easy to recognize by the slant of the letters and shapes at first glance.Not a forgery or a reflection.The very reality.Payments had been made based on points.
"This can't be true," I whispered."W-when?"
She pulled out another check and placed it on top of the first.
"This is what you gave me..."Tears streamed down her face."You said if I did these things, you'd give me confidence points."
At that moment, memories began to ignite in my mind.
8 YEARS AGO
There was a shy girl hiding at the back of the hall.She kept facing harsh looks from everyone passing by.From my seat, I glanced at her large hips and thick arms.Gizem, one of my classmates, put her hand on my shoulder and pointed at her."A bear is passing by!"
Everyone burst out laughing.
The girl shyly crossed her arms.
"Zenan," I whistled."I heard you dance well."
The boys started cheering wildly.
"Show us how you dance."
"It'll be an amazing show for sure."
Kale fiddled with his watch, running his finger over the mark left on his wrist by the watchband."I don't want my taste ruined."
The girls whispered and sneered,"It smells like sweat to me."
One said, "Disgusting."
I nodded slightly.
Suddenly, I stood up.
"Where are you going?" Gizem asked first, then the others.They looked at me with disappointment.
"I'll be back soon," I said and left the hall, heading to the girls' restroom.
Zenan was standing in front of the sink, looking at herself.
"I have an offer," I said to Zenan, who was always on the losing side of the games.
Her eyes, wet with tears, turned to me.
I took out a piece of paper from my pocket and signed it.
"Accept this..."
I held the paper up and she froze.She hesitated between taking it or not.
"Good, you know you shouldn't accept it right away," I teased."There are 1000 beauty points and 1000 confidence points here. But I'll give them to you in exchange for something."
Her lips trembled, opening and closing as she waited.
"Are you curious?" I asked.She nodded, speaking with a weak, helpless voice."Yes."
"These are permanent points. So you must do me a permanent favor," I murmured.
She blinked; tears shone between her lashes.
"How about bullying me and becoming the unwanted girl of the school?"This would be very entertaining for us.I smiled."The class will love the show."
As the war of memories unfolded before my eyes in a bloody, brutal stream, I felt a deep disgust with myself.My fingers were sticky with sweat.The paper in my hand became soaked within seconds between my trembling fingers.I slowly extended the check toward her, swallowed hard, and turned away, walking off.Everything was descending into a terrifying uncertainty, and I asked myself the dreadful question:Who was I in my former life?
I definitely needed to unlock traits like Past Connection or Memory Recall.The more I thought about it, the more names came to mind.This was proof I had played before.I walked again toward the maroon door and slightly pushed open the heavy door of the hall.Apparently, I had once been the tyrant here.Then, I had become a king who lost his throne.
Now even the breeze slipping through that slightly open door was urging me to reclaim my throne.
As my ambition flared, my intelligence leveled up several steps.
I had returned.
I would earn Memory Points, remember every detail, and find myself again.And then Ayaz.The owner of that soft yet cold touch.
I clenched my fists.
"The time is now," I murmured.
At that moment, it truly was the time for everything.