Living with Kim Dokja was a strange experience.
It was incredibly different from when he only saw the man for a few hours when they spoke or drank. Now they had to interact without the karaoke or dinner as excuses.
Surprisingly, they barely ran into each other. Kim Dokja would go to work early in the morning and return late at night. They barely saw each other in the kitchen for a few moments.
Two days, Yoo Joonghyuk found that Kim Dokja's dietary habits were abysmal. And that he didn't like tomatoes very much.
Three days of sharing a living space with Kim Dokja, however large it was, Yoo Joonghyuk noticed that the man was very quiet. He was also very particular about hygiene, his things were always neat and tidy.
Five days, and he learnt that Kim Dokja had the worst sleep schedule he had ever seen. His eye bags started making a lot of sense.
They plugged in the karaoke machine on Sunday, Uriel joining them this time and for the time being everything went back to how Yoo Joonghyuk knew it to be.
The next morning, however, the Kim Dokja whom he was unfamiliar with came to light again.
Seven days of having Kim Dokja in his house, Yoo Joonghyuk had started getting used to the other man's schedules, and then Kim Dokja said he had gotten the heater at his place fixed and he was leaving the next day.
Yoo Joonghyuk had to let him go, of course.
Uriel said that her door was always open for him to come in if he ever wanted to. She lived two floors below after all.
"Eh? Really?"
"Yep! It's because this big baby needs help every time and I have to come to help him," Uriel said. "And so that I can catch him faster if he tries to run away."
Yoo Joonghyuk brought the wine out and Uriel, very cleverly left, saying that she had to prepare for the next day and that she should retire early, even though she wanted to stay longer with Kim Dokja.
Yoo Joonghyuk still didn't like the 'Dokja-yah', 'Noona' thing they had going on, but there wasn't a lot he could do about that.
"How did you get her to do that?" Yoo Joonghyuk said.
"Do what?"
"That. . .She's taken a liking to you. And the Noona thing," Yoo Joonghyuk was trying his best not to come off as bitter. But it was unfair to him, wasn't it? How did Uriel manage to get special treatment from Kim Dokja when Yoo Joonghyuk was the one who had met him first? He was even nice to Kim Dokja from the start, unlike Uriel.
"Oh, that," Kim Dokja said. He gave a soft chuckle. "If you promise not to tell her, I'll tell you."
"You have my word," Yoo Joonghyuk nodded.
"Well, there's not much to it," Kim Dokja gave a little shrug. "She's really soft-hearted, isn't she?"
Uriel was. Yoo Joonghyuk hummed in affirmation.
"And I'm assuming she knows about my past as well?"
"She was the one who looked into you for me, yes."
"Oh, there you have it then," Kim Dokja said simply. "I just had to be nice and pitiful. She did the rest all by herself. . .I'm not complaining though. I'm the oldest, among my other friends. And I'm an only child so haven't really had someone to call Noona yet. It's a fun experience."
"No older girlfriends?" Yoo Joonghyuk didn't know why on earth he had found the need to ask that, but he did.
Kim Dokja shook his head.
Well, it was good to know that Kim Dokja wasn't looking at his secretary as a potential relationship. When Kim Dokja thought about someone as a potential lover, it meant he wasn't really affected by their presence in his life.
"You like wine, don't you, Joonghyuk-ssi?" Kim Dokja said when Yoo Joonghyuk offered him a glass.
"I'm more familiar with it," Yoo Joonghyuk said truthfully. "I suppose the familiarity has made me partial to it."
Kim Dokja hummed and took the glass from Yoo Joonghyuk's hand.
"What gave it away?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked.
"What do you think?" Kim Dokja said cheekily.
"The way I spoke about the wine?"
Kim Dokja's smile widened.
"The way you held the bottle," he said.
The way he held the bottle?
"You're careful when you touch the things you care about," Kim Dokja explained.
"What do you mean?" Yoo Joonghyuk said, curious.
"It's a little habit you have, I think," Kim Dokja shrugged. "Like...you have a couch cushion you like more than the others and you always sit next to it."
"What?"
"I even did a little experiment," Kim Dokja said brightly. "I was just curious, I had no bad intentions. . .I just wanted to see how you would react."
"What experiment?"
"Well, I moved the cushions around," Kim Dokja gave a nervous little giggle. "And you noticed. You didn't think it was a big issue, but you sat next to it anyway."
Yoo Joonghyuk's cushions on the sofa were all the same. Did he really have a favourite one? It was couch cushions, why would he have a favourite one?
"What does that have to do with the wine?" Yoo Joonghyuk said.
Kim Dokja flashed him a smile he could only call dazzling.
"Nothing," the man said. "I was just saying nonsense."
Kim Dokja laughed at Yoo Joonghyuk's expression.
"I was just trying to sound clever," Kim Dokja confessed. "You told me before that you don't really prefer hard liquor. I was just bullshitting."
Yoo Joonghyuk scoffed lightly. Of course, he was.
Sitting around, doing nothing while sipping on the best wine in Yoo Joonghyuk's cabinet was a shame, so Yoo Joonghyuk decided to change locations.
He showed Kim Dokja the balcony that only Uriel found a reason to pay some attention to.
They didn't open the sliding doors because it was way too chilly outside. Instead, they stood by the glass and stared at the view.
"Do you remember the offer Uriel made a few days ago?" Yoo Joonghyuk started.
"Yes, I do," Kim Dokja said. "How could I forget? I almost choked to death."
Kim Dokja did. Yoo Joonghyuk had to pat his back and give him some water, ensuring that he didn't actually choke and die.
"I wouldn't consider it a loss if we were to follow it through," Yoo Joonghyuk said.
"As a good friend and in good faith, I can not let you do that," Kim Dokja said coolly.
Uriel had, a little out of her mind because of the booze they had been drinking told Kim Dokja that they would pay him 300 million won if he worked for them for just one day.
"Why?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked.
"Haven't we been through this before?" Kim Dokja said, weary.
"We have. Multiple times."
"Then?"
"And you're yet to give me the actual reason," Yoo Joonghyuk said.
Kim Dokja sighed.
"Joonghyuk-ssi, you don't tell me why you are so insistent about this either," he said.
"I've always made it clear, the reason why I'm insistent about this."
"And I've told you that—"
"Dokja-ssi," Yoo Joonghyuk said firmly. "My interest in you has nothing to do with what I've asked you to consider. We've long since separated the two issues."
Kim Dokja pursed his lips.
"And if it is the pride that my secretary has mentioned, then I will be very disappointed."
Kim Dokja brought his glass to his lips and took a sip.
"It's not pride," he said. "It's never been pride. What good is pride? Pride will not put food on the table and pay the bills."
"What is it then?" Yoo Joonghyuk glanced at Kim Dokja's face when the younger man let out a heavy sigh.
"I really don't believe it is a good idea," Kim Dokja said.
"Why?"
Kim Dokja took a while to start talking again.
"Joonghyuk-ssi, I'm tired," he said. "I'm just really, really tired. Of everything. I don't really have the energy to do anything."
"When I was fifteen," Kim Dokja said slowly. "I felt the only way to escape everything was to end my life. So I jumped off my school building. . .Do you like spoilers?"
"I don't," Yoo Joonghyuk muttered.
"Ahh, that's a shame," Kim Dokja smiled a little. "I'm sorry the story's a little ruined now—Well, anyway, as you can see, I made it out alive. . .I think I lost any interest in anything after that."
"I don't know what you expect of me or how you think things will go, but I don't really want to disappoint you. There's not a lot I can do. I was never a top student, I was never good at arts or sports. I've been an average student throughout, school and university both. And even after that. . .I never learnt much, I never felt the need to learn it."
"Isn't that what makes it better though?" Yoo Joonghyuk said.
"Better?"
"If what you have is something you weren't taught, imagine how well you would do if you were taught."
Kim Dokja laughed.
"Teach what?" he said. "I still don't understand your thought process, Joonghyuk-ssi."
"I don't understand you either, Dokja-ssi," Yoo Joonghyuk huffed lightly. "But I would like to."
"There isn't a lot to understand. It's just a little unfamiliar for people to grasp," Kim Dokja muttered into the rim of his glass.
"I think I'll manage," Yoo Joonghyuk said. He could feel Kim Dokja's eyes on him.
"Somethings are a bit strange like that, Joonghyuk-ssi," Kim Dokja said. "It's not easy."
"Try me," Yoo Joonghyuk urged. Kim Dokja frowned for a second, then fixed his expression. It took him a while to start talking again.
"Have you ever felt despair of that kind, Joonghyuk-ssi?" Kim Dokja asked. "Where even breathing is a task too tough to accomplish?"
"I have," Yoo Joonghyuk said and he felt Kim Dokja stiffen next to him.
"It's not a story I tell often," Yoo Joonghyuk let out a controlled exhale. "It's not something I consider particularly important to be shared. I remember it was the sixth of February, six months and three days after my eighteenth birthday. Death was the best option I could think of so I picked up a blade and decided to end it all."
Yoo Joonghyuk turned to look at Kim Dokja and his eyes met his. Yoo Joonghyuk would never know if it was the light that made Kim Dokja's eyes shine like that, or if they were always like that regardless of what the lighting was like.
Shock would be the simplest word to describe the look Kim Dokja had in his eyes. But it wasn't simply shock and just shock alone. It was something different, something Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't put his finger on. Kim Dokja seemed to be seeing him in a new light after that revelation.
"Sorry," he gave a smile. "My story's got a spoiler too."
A soft laugh tumbled out of Kim Dokja's lips and Yoo Joonghyuk smiled wider.
"You're doing much better than me though, Joonghyuk-ssi," Kim Dokja went back to looking at the glimmering lights of the cityscape outside. "I barely get by because my friends force me to."
"I cannot deny that completely," Yoo Joonghyuk said. "But I make it through because Uriel's there to bother me into it on some days. . .What I did was the only way I had to get away from my family."
"Like Yoo Joonghyuk?"
Yoo Joonghyuk's grip on his glass tightened involuntarily.
"No, not like him," he said shortly. "He ran away from home and refused to return at all. It wasn't the same for me, as the oldest, running away wasn't an option for me. Staying wasn't either, N'gai was my way of breaking the shackles that my family was."
"Is it all fine now?" Kim Dokja asked.
Yoo Joonghyuk shook his head.
"Not yet, but it will be. Soon," Yoo Joonghyuk assured.
"I hope it all goes well," said Kim Dokja.
"Thank you."
"Will you reconsider it now?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked.
Kim Dokja gave him a wry look.
"Joonghyuk-ssi, it's not even going to work," Kim Dokja said. Yoo Joonghyuk thought he sounded a little sullen.
"It's our job to make it work," Yoo Joonghyuk said simply. "Countless things seem impossible, but people do make them come true. That's how development works."
"No, no, you're not understanding," Kim Dokja said, irked. "It just won't get any approval from others."
"Why do I need approval from others?"
Kim Dokja looked at him like he had just said the dumbest thing on the planet.
"Because you live in a society where everyone is interdependent," Kim Dokja said testily. "People won't take it. N'gai won't be able to bear it."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked, eager to know what Kim Dokja's mind had come up with this time.
Kim Dokja receded back into his shell at the attention.
"It's just what I thought," he shrugged.
"Ah, so you have been thinking about this," Yoo Joonghyuk grinned. "Even after you rejected my offer countless times."
Kim Dokja's face turned a bright red out of embarrassment.
Yoo Joonghyuk had never seen Kim Dokja blush so much.
"Of course, I was," Kim Dokja said, flustered. "You kept saying weird things. You still are. And I had nothing better to do, so of course, I was thinking about it."
A thrum of anticipation seemed to run through Yoo Joonghyuk's veins and he stared at Kim Dokja's nervous eyes.
"Go ahead," Yoo Joonghyuk prompted. "Tell me what you thought about it."
"...well," Kim Dokja started softly. "If you see the way the public sector is run right now, the government won't allow it easily. They'll kick up a ruckus saying that it'll cause an employment issue."
Yoo Joonghyuk nodded along. It was true. He had figured that would happen as well.
"N'gai might not have any competitors when it comes to this new thing, but there are corporations that don't particularly like it. And they'd band with the government, knocking down N'gai's benefits and stuff."
"N'gai's not a company exclusive to South Korea," Yoo Joonghyuk reminded him.
"That's exactly what they'll use," said Kim Dokja. "Nationalism is something they always use. Since it operates elsewhere, they'll probably cause a stir saying that the company's doing a foreigner's bidding."
"I'm a citizen of South Korea," Yoo Joonghyuk said and Kim Dokja chuckled a little.
"Facts don't matter in front of a compelling story," Kim Dokja said.
"How about we start it overseas then?" Yoo Joonghyuk said.
"That's another problem, don't you think?" Kim Dokja said. "N'gai's a rising name, but it still can't face off against the giants already well-established. One, the big names could take the idea away. Two, they could go against it because it's cutting off their profits. And three, attempts have already been made and they have already been overshadowed by the other ones that shovel in tons of money into advertising and all. Not to mention the brand loyalty."
"So if we want to get it out there, we'll either have to focus on the smaller companies that are looking to cut costs. Or we'll need the government on our side."
Kim Dokja took one look at Yoo Joonghyuk's serious face and turned away immediately.
"I mean," Kim Dokja said in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, probably intimidated by Yoo Joonghyuk considering his opinions seriously.
"It's just a silly idea I blurted out. I thought of it while reading a web novel. really. And the technology isn't developed yet. It's just an idea, we're just jumping the gun at this point, aren't we?"
"It's never too early to think," Yoo Joonghyuk said. said. "It's better to figure out all drawbacks and weaknesses from the start."
Kim Dokja bit his lip and frowned at his glass of wine.
"What solution do you propose?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked and Kim Dokja snapped his head up to stare at him with his mouth slightly parted.
"How the hell am I supposed to have a solution?" Kim Dokja said indignantly. "I was just bored, so I looked into it. I was just saying whatever came to mind. It's not—Why're you doing this?"
Yoo Joonghyuk despised this world that had never given Kim Dokja's words a single glance of acknowledgement, making the brilliant man believe that he had nothing to offer.
"So you haven't thought of a solution?" Yoo Joonghyuk said.
Kim Dokja shook his head.
"Really?"
Kim Dokja nodded.
"Say anything that comes to your mind again."
"Can we drop this?" Kim Dokja groaned.
"No, not now," Yoo Joonghyuk held back a laugh. "I truly want to know what you think of it. . .Since you seem to have put some effort into it."
"That's as far as I got, really," Kim Dokja said. "I'm not really well-versed in all this stuff. It was more of a logical conclusion from all the general knowledge I have."
"If I teach you, Dokja-ssi, will you give it a go?" Yoo Joonghyuk said. Kim Dokja flinched.
"If I bring what you called a silly idea to life, will you give me a yes in response?"
Kim Dokja did not meet his gaze at all and stared at the air above Yoo Joonghyuk's head.
". . .I'll think about it," Kim Dokja muttered.
"Do I have your word, Dokja-ssi?"
Kim Dokja looked like he was regretting everything in his life when he gave a single, weak nod.
The wine suddenly started tasting so much better. It was probably something else, not the wine. Well, victory did taste pretty sweet.
New Year's get-together and Han Sooyoung and Yoo Sangah's new flat's housewarming were set up at once.
"Why do you look like that?" Han Sooyoung had asked Kim Dokja.
"Like what?" Kim Dokja said, picking out mint leaves apart from the stem in the kitchen. He and Jung Heewon were having a cocktail-mixing contest. Kim Dokja didn't even know how it had come to this.
"How's life?" Han Sooyoung said.
"Are you just trying to distract me?" Kim Dokja snapped and Jung Heewon snickered from a few feet away, already measuring out her alcohol.
"No, you asshole," Han Sooyoung scoffed, leaning against the kitchen counter. "Your face is just weird. You think so too, don't you, Yoo Joonghyuk?"
Kim Dokja focused on pulling the mint leaves out faster. He didn't hear what Yoo Joonghyuk's response to that was because he turned on the tap by the sink and let the water run loudly, washing the mint leaves in his hand.
". . .Seolhwa and I. . ."
Kim Dokja busied himself with something else. He thought about the other Yoo Joonghyuk. He thought about his golden eye. It wasn't really golden, but when the light fell on it at an angle, it shone like gold. It was breathtaking.
Han Sooyoung's loud voice interrupted both his thoughts and Yoo Joonghyuk's words. Kim Dokja was a little glad for that.
"How's things? You didn't answer," Han Sooyoung poked his arm. Kim Dokja who had just picked up the vodka bottle scowled at her.
"My heater broke a while ago, but it's all fixed now," Kim Dokja said. "And I met some really weird people during that time."
"Weird people, Dokja-ssi?" Yoo Sangah said and Kim Dokja said.
"Want this?" Jung Heewon held up the measuring apparatus she was using.
Kim Dokja shook his head. "You eyeball these things," he said and Jung Heewon snorted.
"Yeah, sure," she laughed, fitting the lid over the shaker.
Kim Dokja turned his attention back to Yoo Sangah and Han Sooyoung who were waiting for him to continue.
"I sort of became friends with this person," Kim Dokja said, pouring the vodka into six glasses. "She's nice. A little strict sometimes, but she's fun."
"No dating until we approve," Jung Heewon chimed.
"I'm not looking to date her," Kim Dokja scoffed. "She's a friend's friend, but we're becoming closer now."
"Friend's friend," Han Sooyoung repeated and Kim Dokja nodded.
"Which friend?"
"Yoo Joonghyuk."
"Ah, not this one," Kim Dokja jerked his head at the doorway opening into the living room. "The other one."
"The other one," Jung Heewon stopped shaking the shaker around and stared at him a little dubiously. "Right."
"What's this new friend's name?" Han Sooyoung asked.
"Uriel."
There was a pause.
"She's a foreigner?" Jung Heewon said.
Kim Dokja nodded, slicing the lime neatly. "I think so. I've never asked about the specifics, but she is blonde and she has green eyes, so, yeah."
"She's very fluent in Korean though, and she's practically been integrated into our culture at this point," Kim Dokja elaborated.
"Uriel," Han Sooyoung rolled the name around on her tongue for a few seconds. "Uriel."
When Kim Dokja stuck the lime slices to the edges of the glasses getting a soft applause and oohs from Yoo Sangah and Lee Hyunsung, Han Sooyoung slapped the kitchen countertop.
"Uriel!" she cried. "Like that archangel from that web novel?"
Kim Dokja blinked.
"Oh, yeah, they do have the same name," he remembered. "Huh, interesting."
"I'm not hallucinating," he snapped when he saw Han Sooyoung's look and the odd silence that fell. "She's a real person."
"Do you have her number then?" said Han Sooyoung.
He had never exchanged contact numbers with Uriel. It had never come up.
"Some social media page then?" the woman continued.
Social media handles weren't something they exchanged when they usually met.
"Okay," Han Sooyoung drawled. "Do know anything else about this Uriel?"
"I'm not fucking hallucinating shit, okay?" Kim Dokja spat at his best friend.
"I'm not saying that!" Han Sooyoung screamed back. "I never said it wasn't a real person. It's worse if it's a real person."
"What?!"
"What? It could be some weird dude, it could be dangerous."
"Uriel's not dangerous," Kim Dokja defended his only Noona.
"Yeah, but you're opinion is not giving a big scope to go with here," Han Sooyoung said waspishly. "Where's the reliability?"
"So you're saying you don't trust me?" Kim Dokja said indignantly.
"No, I'm saying you lie way too fucking easily," Han Sooyoung glared up at him resolutely. "And you're too fucking naive. You got lucky with me, who even just meets someone in real life because you knew them for years online?"
"For fuck's sake, she's real, they're both real," Kim Dokja threw his hands up in frustration. "Seriously!"
"Alright, alright," Jung Heewon said, pacifying the two of them.
"We believe you, Dokja-ssi," said Lee Hyunsung. "It's just...your dark circles look bigger."
Kim Dokja stared at the man and Lee Hyunsung flushed a little in embarrassment at Kim Dokja's blank, unblinking stare.
"You do look like you're not getting enough sleep, Dokja-ssi," Lee Seolhwa, who had walked into the kitchen said. "Are you not sleeping well?"
"I just got caught up reading," Kim Dokja sighed. With all his shifts, Kim Dokja couldn't find the time to read as he used to do before, so now he had to stay up at night to read them.
"What were you reading?" Jung Heewon asked, presenting her glasses to the judges. She was done mixing some bright blue cocktails.
"The usual," Kim Dokja said. "There's is new fantasy one. . .They call it sci-fi, but it's all fantasy bullshit, really. People just put anything as the genre these days."
"It's sci-fi," Han Sooyoung rolled her eyes. "Science fiction."
"Exactly. Why're there goblins and orcs in sci-fi?" Kim Dokja said. "I was looking for aliens or something else. But whatever."
"What?" Han Sooyoung snorted. "You want tentacle monsters from an outer world and shit?"
"That's not sci-fi, either. Besides, if I wanted to read about an eldritch monster, I'd have read horror stories."
"I have a few horror novels if you want, Dokja-ssi," Yoo Sangah said, dragging her girlfriend away before it dropped into another long, mostly confusing argument between writer and reader.
"It's alright," Kim Dokja said. "I don't get a lot of time to read physical books anyway. Can you tell me the name instead, Sangah-ssi? I'll find a PDF online and read it."
Yoo Sangah looked pleasantly surprised that Kim Dokja was going to give her book recommendations a go.
"I'll send the names to you, Dokja-ssi," she said brightly.
"Ooh, fancy, huh?" Jung Heewon who had come to check up on her competitor said, resting her elbow on Kim Dokja's shoulder and watching him stick thin lime slices to the inner walls of the glasses.
"You know what does the trick?" Kim Dokja said, pouring his clear concoction into the glasses.
"What?" Jung Heewon said.
"Salt."
"Okay..? What're you making anyway?"
"Not a clue," Kim Dokja said. "I don't know what it's called. But it's pretty nice."
"Is it?"
"Mhmm."