SONYA POV
Not today. "Please, don't look at me like that. I should have told you everything. In our line of work, such incriminating evidence is simply unacceptable."
"Work?"
"Yes, f*ck!" Finally, the usual emotions appear on Maxim's face. The desire to resist the whole world and the confidence that the world will swallow it.
"Imagine what would have happened to you if everything had been leaked to the Internet? I told you as soon as I found out, otherwise, it would have hurt you even more."
"Oh my God, thank you, Maxim! Thank you, my benefactor! How did I live without your support and care?"
But sarcasm is unable to calm the hysteria, I am shaking so much that I can hear my own teeth chattering.
I sob. I hug myself and see how Max shudders along with me. He wants to hug me so that I can finally burst into tears on his shoulder, like I have hundreds of times before. I can see that he is holding himself back from coming closer, tense and sharp as a knife.
"Sonya, listen, when I found out that Lyuba was pregnant, I wanted to fix everything."
"How?"
"Well," he hesitates, "we considered surrogacy with you, and now, this is almost the same. That is... it would be our child, mine and yours."
"That is, buy yourself an heir? And how much do children cost these days?" I sob.
"I am ready to give everything I have. The company, the apartment, the car, all our savings," my husband lists, but I interrupt him: "Max, you are a monster."
"I know," Max nods sullenly, "but what difference does it make. I'm ready to turn my flesh inside out to save our marriage."
"How noble. But it would be enough to just not fuck anyone on the side, especially..." I can't force myself to continue. I can't remember under what circumstances this betrayal happened.
"Especially since Lyuba refused. She wants this child, and she will give birth to it with or without my participation."
"And what do you require from me? To tie the umbilical cord or what, Maxim? What the hell do you need me for in this story?"
Max takes a step towards me. Before I know it, I'm in his arms, pinned down by the wall on one side and his arms on the other.
"Just forgive me. I'm a freak and a bastard, I know that. I made a mistake and I'll pay for it for the rest of my life, but I want at least something in all this shit to be right. You and I will have children, we will do everything right, and we will overcome this. But I can't give up on this child either. I want to see him, to take part in his upbringing. This child is not to blame for the fact that his dad is a jerk. And you... And you..."
Slowly, like a vision from a nightmare, Max kneels in front of me. He holds me tightly by the hips, rests his forehead on my stomach, and whispers something. When Max looks up at me, I break completely.
I've seen him in many different ways. Crazy and funny at school, a student is in love with me. Impulsive and a little excited during our first intimacy. The first for both of us. I've seen Max drunk, sick, angry, and happy. I've seen him cry when his dog died and rejoice when we finally got married. I've seen it all!
Except for that.
It wasn't my husband looking at me. And not even his copy, not a replica, not a twin brother that no one knew about.
No! It was a pathetic shell of my Max. And inside, there was pain and emptiness.
"Please, get up," I reflexively stroked the top of his head, barely touching his coarse hair, and then wiped my palm on my pants, as if I had touched something unpleasant. God, he also had sex with me without a condom. After Lyuba... what a disgusting thing!
"Sonya..."
"Max, no need. You've already said too much today, let's stop for now. This is all very interesting, but I'm really tired. I don't know what else to say. I just... don't know."
***
I didn't sleep. And I wasn't conscious. Some strange state, more like a drug trip, if you believe the movies. I was lying under the blanket, hugging my knees to my chest and squeezing my eyes tightly.
Somewhere in the room, a clock was ticking, and that was strange. Because we had long ago taken the only alarm clock out of the bedroom, and there were no other clocks in the apartment.
Then I realized that my heart was beating like that. Slowly and evenly, almost like a dead person's.
The door creaked. I felt the mattress sag under me. Max lay down next to me, put his hand on my thigh, and pressed himself so tightly, as if he was doing it for the last time. The feeling hanging between us could be called in one word - farewell.
I did not move. I absorbed every moment of this strange, unnecessary caress for both of us.
Everything is honest because both of us are lying.
I pretend to be asleep. He, that he still loves me.
Maxim reaches for my neck with his lips, caresses my chest with his fingers, plunges into me, almost dissolving inside, and I allow him to do this. Everything that happens next is not real, it is a dream that we both dream.
We make love for a long time, frantically. We bite each other, scratch, and tear hair, so that it hurts not only inside. So that bodies burn together with souls.
Technically, it's not sex, but a fight.
When I finally finish, Max presses my body into the wet sheet and falls with a groan, pressing me with all his weight. And I clasp his shoulders and shake in sobs.
We both know now that I will never forgive my husband.
He covers me with a blanket and rocks me like a little one.
"Sonya, I will do anything so that you don't leave."
"Will you really do it?" I sob and feel Max nod. "Then invent a time machine, go back to the past, and don't betray me, please. Can't? Well then, I can't either..."
***