The apartment was, by some miracle, still standing.
Deadpool had gone silent for almost twenty minutes, which was either a blessing or a sign of impending catastrophe.
Gwen Stacy wasn't taking chances. She perched upside down from the ceiling, mask off, sipping an iced coffee and watching the hall like a spider-themed gargoyle.
Below her, Saitama lounged on the couch in his slippers, flipping through a manga with a glazed expression.
Gwenpool was trying to play Mario Kart against herself on split-screen. Cindy Moon was glaring into the fridge again, as if willing actual food to spawn out of spite.
"So..." Gwen dropped down and landed next to Saitama with a soft thud. "Any idea if Wade's dead, asleep, or plotting something with glitter again?"
Saitama didn't look up. "Third one."
"Yeah," Gwen said, sipping her drink. "I felt that too."
A loud crash from the bathroom answered all questions.
"WELCOME TO PARTY MODE! I'LL REPLICATE THE 1000 BABY OIL INCIDENT!!!" Deadpool shouted as he exploded out of the hallway in a full mariachi costume, launching confetti with a cannon that absolutely shouldn't exist in this dimension.
"Dude!" Cindy yelped. "You're not allowed to use the dimensional rift gun indoors!"
"Where'd he even get that?" Gwenpool asked, racing past with a banana peel in one hand and a red shell in the other.
"eBay," Wade whispered.
Gwen Stacy facepalmed. "Okay, can we please have one normal day?"
That's when the portal opened.
Right above the living room rug, a swirling, golden-pink vortex burst into existence with a sound like a cosmic slurp. Everyone stopped. Even Deadpool.
Out tumbled a blur of metal and smoke, followed by a thud as the figure hit the ground, rolled once, and sprang up into a crouch with plasma arms glowing.
"Combat mode active!" shouted Genos, eyes flaring. "Identify yourselves!"
Deadpool pointed. "Oh look! It's the student dude! Man, i main you in strongest battleground"
Saitama blinked. "Genos?"
The cyborg froze. "Sensei...?."
Gwen Stacy looked at Gwenpool. Gwenpool looked at Cindy. Deadpool had already pulled out a lawn chair and a soda.
Saitama stood. "Hey. Long story. You're in another universe."
Genos blinked. "...What."
Wade leaned in. "Multiversal whoopsie. Happens more than you think."
Genos scanned the room, zeroing in on Gwen Stacy as she slipped her mask back on. "Is this woman hostile?"
"Oh my god," Gwen groaned. "Why does everyone think I'm the bad guy?"
"I am the bad guy!" Deadpool added helpfully.
"I'm not even touching that," Cindy muttered.
Later That Day
"Explain again," Genos said, seated stiffly at the kitchen table as Gwen Stacy slid him a cup of coffee, "how the Hero Association is not here, nor the Monster Association, and yet... this 'Deadpool' is allowed to exist freely?"
"We tried putting him in a box," Cindy offered. "He burned through it."
"I ate through it," Wade corrected, chewing on a Pop-Tart with his mask halfway off.
Gwen Stacy, now suited up and hanging from the ceiling again, chuckled. "You're catching on fast, Genos."
She dropped down next to him and nudged his elbow. "Look, no one's gonna force you to join this circus, but you're here now. Might as well figure out the rules."
Genos looked at her, his gaze scanning her web-shooters, compact frame, and sharp eyes. "You are... efficient. Are you the team leader?"
Gwenpool spit out her soda from the other room. "PFFFFT— Sorry, sorry, continue!"
Gwen Stacy smirked, cheeks tinting pink. "I mean, I wouldn't say no to the title."
Saitama, from the couch: "We don't have a leader."
Deadpool, flipping through a phone book: "We don't have a system."
Ironically, Gwen was the one keeping things balanced, swinging out to do recon, helping Genos settle in, keeping Cindy from murdering Wade in his sleep, and somehow still finding time to paint her nails between patrols.
...
Gwen sat on the ledge with her legs dangling off, the moon casting silver on her white-and-pink suit. Genos joined her, silent as always. Below, the city thrummed.
"Do you think this place needs heroes?" he asked quietly.
"Doesn't every world?" she replied.
He looked at her, thoughtful. "You carry yourself like someone with a lot of weight on your shoulders."
She smiled faintly. "I carry myself like someone who fell into a radioactive spider's bad life choices."
Pause.
"Also... thank you for not blowing a hole through the wall earlier."
Genos looked away, a small nod. "I will not attack again without confirming targets."
"Good," Gwen said, stretching her arms above her head. "Because tomorrow we're going on a mission."
"A mission?"
"Yeah. To buy groceries. Wade ate all the cereal again."
...
The morning was, miraculously, peaceful.
Sunlight filtered through the dusty blinds of the apartment, cutting golden slants across the hardwood floor.
Cindy Moon was curled up on the couch with a manga, legs tangled in a blanket.
Gwenpool was on the floor trying to teach Genos how to play Mario Kart, failing miserably, since he kept calculating the optimum drift angles instead of, y'know, playing the game.
"Genos, for the last time," she groaned, "you don't need to calculate the vector torque of a banana peel."
"I am optimizing my reaction time," he replied with robotic precision. "It is the most efficient route to victory."
"You're losing to Gwen," Cindy said without looking up.
Gwen grinned. "And I'm driving backwards."
Genos's eye lenses narrowed in silent shame.
Elsewhere, Gwen Stacy, Ghost-Spider, sat on the windowsill with earbuds in, strumming a quiet rhythm on her guitar.
She had found a small sense of calm in this apartment, despite the ever-growing roster of chaotic personalities who shared it.
Saitama, naturally, was gone. Again.
"Probably out shopping," Gwen mumbled to herself, shifting the guitar to her back.
No sooner had the words left her lips than the air in the room turned wrong.
A faint ringing started in everyone's ears, like pressure building in the atmosphere. The windows vibrated. Genos stood instantly, eyes scanning.
"Something's coming," he said. "Something powerful."
"Do you think it's one of ours?" Gwenpool asked, crawling toward the window.
"Depends," Cindy said, flipping a page lazily. "Do we count angry lawn gnomes?"
Then the ceiling exploded.
A BOOM echoed through the building as green psychic energy tore the sky open above them.
Bricks and debris rained down in a slow-motion cascade, and in the middle of it all hovered a small, floating girl dressed in black, green aura swirling around her like a cyclone.
Tatsumaki had arrived.
Arms crossed. Eyes narrowed. Expression like she was about to ground the universe.
"What. The actual. Hell," she said, scanning the room like she was judging each of them for crimes against fashion and oxygen.
Deadpool, who had been asleep under the table with a half-finished smoothie, blinked groggily and raised a hand. "Oh hey, it's the sassy green kid! Hey, is it true that you wear nothing down the-."
He was launched through the wall instantly.
The entire apartment shook from the psychic force as Deadpool's body pinwheeled through the sky like a discount firework.
Silence followed.
Then Gwenpool whistled low. "...Damn."
"She just full-on Yoda-yeeted him," Cindy muttered, impressed.
Genos, on the other hand, stiffened. "Blizzard of Hell. S-Class Rank 2. Approach with caution."
"You better," Tatsumaki growled, hovering a few inches off the floor. "This place is weird. I hate it."
"Yeah," Gwen Stacy said dryly. "You'll fit right in."
Tatsumaki spun toward her. "What was that?"
"Nothing," Gwen replied quickly, hands raised. "Just saying you've got strong 'I'm not here to make friends' energy."
"I'm not."
"Yup. We're clear on that."
Meanwhile...
Saitama wandered the aisles of a local supermarket, holding a crumpled shopping list Deadpool had drawn with crayons. Half the items were nonsense.
Bananas
Discount pork
Chimichangas
"Healing potions (maybe real??)"
Gwenpool's dignity (crossed out)
He sighed. The pork section was empty again. He scratched his head.
"Guess it's cabbage week..."
Back at the Apartment
Tatsumaki had commandeered the living room.
"I want answers," she demanded, hovering mid-air like a pissed-off UFO. "Where are we, what dimension is this, and who made that pink idiot the team mascot?"
Cindy pointed at Gwenpool without hesitation.
"Hey!" Gwenpool squawked. "I'm not a mascot! I'm a fourth-wall-breaking narrative weapon of chaos."
"You're a cartoon in a world that barely tolerates reality," Tatsumaki said flatly.
"...Fair."
Genos, ever the calm presence, stepped forward. "You are safe here. As far as we know, this is a fractured universe, a blend of multiple timelines and dimensions. Our Sensei, Saitama, also arrived here unexpectedly. You were likely brought through a similar portal."
Tatsumaki folded her arms again. "What do you mean 'our sensei'? Ugh, never mind, as long as Fubuki didn't get dragged here and stuck with the Dollar Store Avengers."
Gwen Stacy raised a brow. "Okaaaaay, that one kinda hurt."
A Few Minutes Later
Saitama returned with two plastic bags and a confused look.
"Yo," he said. "They were out of discount pork again. Also, someone crashed a truck into a building."
Tatsumaki floated down in front of him like a missile. "You. Finally."
Saitama blinked. "Oh. Hey."
"You disappeared."
"Did I?"
"You were beside me, then the sky broke open, and now I'm in sitcom hell."
Saitama scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, that sounds about right."
They stared at each other. The room held its breath.
"I launched your red friend."
"Cool."
Another long pause.
"You're still dumb," she muttered.
"You're still mean."
She floated back. "Glad we understand each other."
Genos, watching from the side, murmured, "Sensei... has reached full social compatibility."
Gwenpool leaned toward Cindy. "Is this... psychic flirting?"
Cindy shook her head. "No. This is just what mutual respect looks like when neither person understands feelings."
Later That Night – Rooftop
Tatsumaki sat on the ledge, legs swinging slightly as the city lights blinked below. Saitama stood beside her, arms folded, plastic bag still dangling from his wrist.
"So," she said, staring ahead. "Any clue why this world keeps grabbing people?"
"Not yet."
"You worried?"
He shrugged. "Not really."
She snorted. "Of course not."
Another pause.
"You're not weak," she added quietly.
Saitama looked over. "You too."
Her mouth twitched. Not quite a smile. Not quite not.
Below, Gwenpool held a pair of binoculars. "Okay, okay, if this was anime, the ending theme would be playing right now."
Gwen Stacy yanked the binoculars away. "Give them privacy!"
"They don't even know what that means!"
Deadpool, somehow stuck in a nearby glitching looking tree, shouted down, "GUYS, I THINK I'M STUCK IN A DIMENSION WHERE BIRDS HAVE KNIVES!"
"Good, that probably somewhere in London!" Gwenpool shout back.