Lu Chen stretched lazily on Sunday morning.
He looked over at the peaceful face beside him. Ei was still fast asleep, her soft, even breathing accompanied by faint snores.
Looking down, he saw her two long, pale legs sticking out from the blanket. Morning sunlight streamed through the curtains, casting a soft sheen on her skin, smooth and radiant.
He got out of bed and gently pulled the blanket back over her. This time, she hadn't left herself even a quarter of it.
Not that she seemed to care. She barely had herself covered and didn't mind the chill at all.
Sensing movement, Ei gave a sleepy hum and lazily rolled over—kicking off the blanket Lu Chen had just tucked in.
"..."
Lu Chen sighed, helpless. He tiptoed over and tucked her in again.
Since it was the weekend, he let her sleep in and quietly went downstairs after getting dressed.
Old Master Zhongli was, as usual, brewing tea in the living room. Steam curled through the air, mingling with the rich aroma of tea.
Qiqi was up early too. Through the floor-to-ceiling windows, he saw her doing slow stretches under the morning sun.
No—Qiqi wasn't an early riser. She just rarely slept at all.
Her internal clock wasn't like that of normal humans.
Lu Chen sat across from Zhongli and took a sip of the tea the Rock Emperor had personally brewed. Instantly, he felt invigorated, his mind sharp and clear.
The tea was West Lake Longjing, which Lu Chen had picked up the day before. A simple man, his tea philosophy boiled down to: the pricier, the better. And this one had been the most expensive in the shop.
"Mmm..." Zhongli gently lifted his cup, offering high praise.
"Rich aroma, clear and bright liquor."
He looked at Lu Chen, summarizing the tea's highlights.
"Green color, strong fragrance, sweet taste, beautiful shape. Likely pre-rain spring tea. You've chosen well, Lu Chen."
Lu Chen didn't have such refined taste. After thinking hard for a moment, he finally managed a response:
"Good tea!"
Anyway, any tea Zhongli made was the best he'd ever had. Free tea ceremonies every day, plus the occasional life advice—what more could you ask for?
Zhongli himself was a man of refined taste. Everything he ate, wore, or used had to be top-tier. He only listened to the most famous opera singers, kept the rarest songbirds, and would even step into the kitchen to adjust the egg-to-tomato ratio when making stir-fried tomato and eggs...
Spending time with him, Lu Chen often felt like he'd unknowingly become part of the elite.
After they finished their tea, Zhongli packed away the tea set and tidied his clothes. Lu Chen asked,
"Heading out for a walk?"
Zhongli nodded. "The courtyard flowers have all been trimmed over the past few days. With nothing else to do, I thought I'd take a stroll down the mountain."
Feeling the sudden urge to tag along, Lu Chen quickly said, "Wait up, I'll come too."
As they reached the door, Qiqi paused her stretches and greeted them.
Lu Chen thought for a moment. "Qiqi, why don't you come with us?"
Aside from Zhongli and Venti, most of the household were homebodies. He'd never seen Qiqi go out on her own.
Qiqi nodded obediently, and so Lu Chen took the two members of the Liyue team down the mountain.
The area was a bit removed from the city center. As they walked toward the docks, the surroundings gradually grew livelier, with fishing boats and drying nets coming into view.
Fishermen had laid out their fresh catch under umbrellas, and people bustled past on the roadside—this was an open-air seafood market.
Being by the sea, the seafood here looked exceptionally fresh. Lu Chen mulled it over, then stepped forward and bought two fish, planning to make fish soup for lunch.
The air was thick with the smell of fish. Zhongli stopped where he was, not following Lu Chen forward.
When he saw a stall with slimy, twitching squid still moving around, his normally stoic expression finally wavered.
Lu Chen spent a while haggling, and when he returned with a big plastic bag, he noticed something off about Zhongli's expression.
The old man frowned slightly, clearly keeping his distance from the seafood...
"Oh, right..." Lu Chen remembered. "You're not a fan of seafood, huh?"
He lifted the bag, which held two sea fish staring blankly with upturned eyes.
"But fish should be okay, right? I remember it's just seafood you don't like..."
The three of them strolled further down the coastal road. Only when they were some distance from the market did Zhongli finally speak.
"If it's just fish, I don't mind. Properly prepared, they can be quite delicious. It's only those slimy, many-legged aquatic creatures that make me uncomfortable."
"Huh?" Lu Chen perked up.
The Emperor was always so calm and reliable. He'd never seen him this uneasy. What could have caused such a reaction?
It was story time again. Zhongli gave a wry smile.
"During the Archon War, I fought many foes—Archons among them. But there was one type of monster that left the deepest impression on me."
It was a highly troublesome, irritating species. They came from the deep sea, their tentacles agile. Even severed limbs could still wriggle about, and they secreted sticky, wet mucus...
That alone was disgusting enough—but that wasn't the worst of it.
The real horror was: they were tiny, everywhere. On tables, chairs, in cracks of doors and windows. Reach out, and you'd likely touch something cold, slimy, and dripping wet.
Even the Rock Emperor, who could hurl stone spears and split mountains, found them unbearable. But as the "God of Contracts," any promise he made had to be kept.
And so, Liyue was drawn into a long extermination campaign against—
Octopuses (not really!)
When that agonizing "war" finally ended, the Emperor truly understood what "relief" meant. The endless swarm of aquatic pests and their disgusting slime gave him full-blown PTSD. Since then, he's kept his distance from anything that wriggles in water.
After hearing the tale, Lu Chen burst out laughing. Who would've thought the old man had something he feared?
He even realized the way to defeat the Three Gods of Teyvat: "Steal Venti's wine," "Ban Ei from eating sweets," and "Feed Zhongli octopus sushi"...
With that, he'd become the undefeated man of Teyvat (totally legit).
Zhongli glanced at him with a strange look, unsure what to make of that sinister grin on Lu Chen's face.
Just then, Qiqi, who had been silent all this time, suddenly spoke up.
"I don't like seafood either... Qiqi hates that place..."
"Why?" Lu Chen's smile faded, puzzled.
Did Qiqi also take part in the octopus extermination campaign?
No, the timing didn't add up.
He looked at Qiqi, who placed a finger on her chin, thinking.
"Qiqi... hates death. That place... it was filled with the scent of death..."