Where shame is public, and the hope of escape is nothing but a cruel joke.
---
Alan had no idea that the brief silence was merely the calm before yet another disaster.
He opened his eyes to the painful sensation of someone yanking his scalp. He screamed like a soul returning from the pits of hell.
---
"OW! My hair! That's not a handle, lady!"
---
"You missed your appointment with the High Council, idiot."
---
Eldara was dragging him by the hair in front of the other students, while he flailed like a child being pulled away from his dream toy.
---
"Can't we reschedule? Maybe after a nap? Or a snack?"
---
"You fed a royal Lapian a carrot, sparked a diplomatic incident, and ran off screaming like a lunatic."
---
"...So that's a no?"
---
Without mercy, he was shoved into a vast chamber resembling a temple. At its far end, a group of elders—diverse in race and form—sat gazing at him like they'd just discovered a new species of vermin.
---
"This is the human?"
---
"Looks... disappointing."
---
"He smells like anxiety and regret."
---
"That's just my natural cologne, thank you very much."
---
Eldara gestured toward a massive crystal positioned in the center of the hall.
---
"Stand there. The crystal will read your stats."
---
Alan hesitated, then reached out toward the crystal, hoping for a miracle.
But then...
---
[Analyzing soul signature...]
[Status: Anomaly Detected]
[Physical Strength: 0]
[Magic Power: 0]
[Intelligence: Low]
[Reaction Time: Delayed]
[Unique Trait: Regeneration]
[Class: None]
---
The silence in the hall was sharper than any blade.
---
"...Wow. I'm a potato."
---
"You're worse than a potato. At least potatoes can grow."
---
"This has to be a mistake. Maybe the crystal's drunk?"
---
"He has no class, no power, and barely a mind. Why is he even alive?"
---
"Hey! I died once already. Let me live my worst life in peace!"
---
Eldara buried her face in her palm.
---
"You were supposed to be a chosen soul. A warrior. A beacon of hope."
---
"Plot twist! I'm just an immortal dumbass!"
---
One of the elders mumbled while peering closer at the crystal.
---
"But his regeneration... it's not normal. It's limitless."
---
"Like a cockroach?"
---
"More like a cursed phoenix. No fire. No brains."
---
"You know I can hear you guys, right?"
---
"Silence, anomaly."
---
At that moment, Vivi burst into the room in formal attire, her eyes gleaming like she'd just walked into her wedding.
---
"I found youuuuu!"
---
"Oh no. Please no."
---
She jumped on him and hugged him tight, stunning the elders into silence.
---
"My fiancé is so brave! Facing the council like a hero!"
---
"I want to die again."
---
One of the elders rubbed his forehead in despair.
---
"We need to get rid of him before he brings down this entire realm."
---
"Agreed."
---
"Denied!" Vivi screamed.
---
"He's mine. If anyone touches him, I'll declare war."
---
"...Can we sell him to another kingdom?"
---
And thus, the hearing ended... in total chaos—his fiancée carrying him, the elders arguing, and Eldara walking behind him whispering:
---
"I should've left you naked in the forest."
---
"Honestly, I would've preferred that."
---
Let me know if you want this stylized as a formatted script or visual novel!
After the disastrous council session, Vivi was still clinging to his arm like a lifeline. Her face was full of happiness, and his face... full of humiliation.
Alan struggled to move through the academy's hallways, sweating as if someone had tied him to a ticking time bomb.
---
"You know, Vivy... maybe we're moving too fast?" "Fast? We're destined. You're mine. I marked you with my lips!"
---
"Oh no. That's not a mark, that's harassment." "That's harassment, not a mark."
---
He knew getting rid of her wouldn't be easy. He thought, he planned, and then... he decided to improvise, as usual.
---
The next day, he stood in the academy courtyard, on a raised platform. Everyone was staring at him in shock. Vivi was cheering from afar:
---
"That's my man!" "Not for long..." (Alan whispered to himself)
---
He raised his hand and shouted loudly:
---
"I have an announcement!" "I, Alan the Regenerating Wonder, hereby declare myself... married!"
---
The noise filled the place.
---
"What?!" (Vivi screamed) "Yes! I've been married in secret. To... her!"
---
He pointed to Eldara, who was passing by coincidentally.
---
"What." "Yup! She saved me from goblins, patched up my wounds, and stole my heart." "You liar! You were screaming when you saw a butterfly!" (Eldara shouted) "It was a vicious butterfly!"
---
Vivi stepped forward, her face like a volcano.
---
"You're mine! You said I'm your only bunny princess!" "That was before I found out you chew on walls in your sleep."
---
"YOU PROMISED ME A WEDDING!" "And I delivered... just not to you."
---
Eldara sighed, then grabbed his arm in front of everyone.
---
"Fine. I'll play along. Just don't make me kiss him." "Agreed. I don't wanna die twice."
---
Vivi stood there stunned, then threw him a fiery look and said:
---
"You'll regret this! No one ditches Vivy the Velvet!" "Yeah? Watch me."
---
He then jumped behind Eldara and disappeared with her through the corridors, and so... he finally thought he had freed himself.
Or so he thought.
---
"You owe me for this, human." "Do you accept payment in useless jokes and emotional trauma?"
---
"Shut up before I actually marry you out of spite." "I've made a mistake."
Despite Alan managing to escape from "Vivy the Velvet," the academy had not forgotten his disastrous results in the test. On the contrary, it seemed someone saw something... different in him. Or perhaps, it was just a silly joke that turned into a real predicament.
Two days after the emotional fiasco on the academy platform, Alan woke up to the sound of loud knocking on the door.
"Open up, loser! You've been summoned!"
He opened the door to find a soldier dressed in a cold formal uniform, holding a letter sealed with the Senate's stamp.
"Alan, the Regenerating Wonder... you've been assigned to Operation: Ember Fang."
"I think you have the wrong Alan. Maybe there's a regenerating dragon nearby?"
"Nope. It's you. Orders from above. Don't ask why, just report to Gate 7 in one hour."
"Can I say no?"
"You could... but then Vivy will be assigned to go with you."
"...I'll be there in ten minutes."
Alan headed to Gate 7, and there, the scene was horrifying. Four elites were standing, waiting:
Rodrick: A half-Orc warrior carrying two axes the size of doors.
Kira: An elven assassin with red eyes and knives spinning around her waist.
Demos: A dark wizard wearing a cloak of shadows, speaking in a voice that could only be heard inside the head.
Miri: A human with one ear, known for being a crazy sharpshooter.
"You're the... new guy?" (Rodrick said, eyeing Alan as though he were a mosquito)
"Yup. I bring... umm... comic relief and existential dread."
"He looks like he dies if he skips breakfast." (Miri said)
"He's a joke. Let's leave him." (Kira said without emotion)
"No," (Demos said in an internal voice) "he cannot be seen. But he must go. The prophecy breathes."
"Did... did anyone else hear that?"
"Nope. Demos does that sometimes. Just ignore him unless your brain starts bleeding." (Rodrick said)
The squad set off a few minutes later, on a mission that Alan knew nothing about except its name: "Ember Fang."
And that name didn't suggest comfort at all.
On the way, Alan began whispering to Eldara, who was forced to accompany them as a supervisor.
"So... what exactly is this Ember Fang thing?"
"A high-risk scouting mission into the Black Ravines. Monsters, death fog, and ancient ruins. Happy?"
"...No. I wanna go home. And I don't even have a home here."
"Too late. We're almost there."
As they approached the edge of the ravines, the ground started shaking...
Then... a huge scream tore through the sky.
A giant creature appeared with cracked skin and flames pouring from its breath...
"Let me guess... Ember Fang?"
"Nope," (Eldara said coldly) "that's just his pet. The real Ember Fang is deeper inside."
"...I really need a new manager for my life."