After quietly closing the door, Levi walked home with quick steps. In the corridor of his house, only the ticking of the clock could be heard.
The knot inside him was still there… When he got close to Jun, he had once again felt that his heart couldn't fit inside his chest. He had stopped just as he was about to touch his lips—he had to stop.
But Levi had to do it; he had to stop there. England was against it. Society was against it. In fact, a law had even been passed on the matter. With the Labouchere Amendment, enacted in 1885, England had declared "immoral relations between men" to be a crime, punishable by law.
Levi had heard of people who were imprisoned, exiled, or even executed because of that law. That's why he held himself back so tightly.
He had been with Jun for four months. He had been affected by him—he had even fallen in love. But he could never confess that to himself, let alone Jun. Jun had already lived through a hard life. Levi couldn't be the cause of yet another burden.
Jun was younger than him. That's why Levi had to extinguish this fire before it could grow.
---
Jun couldn't move after Levi left. His head was still lowered, his eyes fixed on his hands.
"He almost kissed me," he thought. "But… he changed his mind."
There were hundreds of meanings within that change of heart. But rejection wasn't one of them. Jun had seen something in Levi's eyes—fear.
Jun knew the reason. He had heard it from people on the streets, and read it in torn, barely legible newspaper scraps. He knew that relationships between men were forbidden in England.
One time, a friend had told him that soldiers had taken away a man for that reason. At the time, Jun hadn't understood what it meant…
He didn't stand up. He kept sitting in the chair. Slowly, he lifted his hand to his lips—to the place Levi had almost kissed.
He hadn't felt it on his skin, but he felt a warmth in his soul...
But he told himself he didn't have the right to feel this. People like him in this country… they just had to stay silent. Yes, silent.
He had nothing to lose. But Levi did. Levi had a job, patients, and a reputation.
Jun loved him dearly. But he couldn't be the reason Levi lost everything. He had to stop himself—just as Levi had.