From kindergarten until now, Chen Mo had always considered his nerves to be made of steel—mentally, he was a cockroach, impossible to crush.
But on this seemingly ordinary night, faced with the bizarre phenomena unfolding in the exhibition hall, he suddenly realized how fragile he truly was.
So it was true—this world held countless things beyond imagination, things that could only be described as a thunderclap out of a clear sky.
At this moment, in the vast and empty hall before him, a fiery debate raged on with great fervor, centered around one absurd topic: "Who is more charming?"
But that wasn't the real issue—the true astonishment lay in the participants. Imagine this: over a dozen bronze relics and half a dozen ceramic artifacts engaged in a heated quarrel, almost ready to come to blows. Such a spectacle was, in its own absurd way, grand.
"Strength! Strength is a man's greatest allure!" declared the Four-Goat Square Zun, leaping onto the display stand and striking a dramatic pose. It boasted arrogantly, "Behold my ancient frame! Trace your fingers along these solar carvings! Witness the majestic structure! In short, I am the very embodiment of beauty!"
"Bah!" came a scornful hiss as the White Jade Vase spewed a stream of clear water and spat in contempt.
Lounging nonchalantly in the corner with a few ceramic comrades as its backdrop, it sighed wistfully, "Such flawless porcelain, elegant motifs, and curvaceous form… Why? Why did Heaven forge me into such a perfect creation?"
As they exchanged glances, both the Zun and the Vase suddenly sighed in unison, "Alas, it's a burden to shine so brightly. Wherever we go, we're like fireflies in the night—radiant, dazzling, impossible to ignore!"
"Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick." Glancing at Guan San's conflicted expression beside him, Chen Mo finally understood why he had been so reluctant to come.
Heavens above! That antiques could be this narcissistic was both unprecedented and likely unrepeatable. Even more uncanny, one glorified muscle, the other elegance—and each so perfectly fit the bill.
Of course, none of this truly concerned Chen Mo. The problem was that, in the midst of their vain squabble, these artifacts were obstructing the copper pillar.
Time waited for no one. With no other option, Chen Mo coughed softly and carefully interjected, "Excuse me, gentlemen, could you perhaps—well, never mind, forget I said anything."
In an instant, all the relics turned to stare at him in eerie synchrony.
The Four-Goat Square Zun and the White Jade Vase exchanged a look, then asked as one, "You there—the new security guard. Tell us, which of us is more handsome?"
"Uh… Is there a third option?" Chen Mo blinked, expressionless, suddenly aware that any choice would be a form of torture.
Before he could reply, the electric rice cooker—affectionately nicknamed Guo Guo—blurted out, "Idiots! You're both idiots!"
To Chen Mo's surprise, the Zun and the Vase didn't erupt in fury. They merely stared at Guo Guo in bewildered silence.
After several moments of scrutiny, the White Jade Vase murmured in confusion, "Brother, what exactly are you? You resemble ceramics, but there's something of bronze about you… Could it be—you're a hybrid?"
"Oh, for the love of…" Chen Mo rolled his eyes. So now electric rice cookers were considered hybrids of bronze and ceramics? Truly a scholarly topic worth investigating.
"You're both fools!" Guo Guo sneered at the two relics, then thundered, "What use is beauty? Can your face be used to swipe a card at the bank?"
Powerful. Unassailable. A truth worthy of carving into stone.
As Chen Mo shook his head in wonder, the Zun and the Vase stared at Guo Guo with reverence. "Brother," they chorused, "please enlighten us. What did you mean by that?"
"Do I really need to explain?" Guo Guo opened its lid and dumped out a heap of assorted items. "Look closely! These days, everything's a sham. Money is the only reality!"
The assembled relics stood dumbstruck, staring at the pile of treasures on the floor, utterly lost for words.
"You still don't get it?" Seizing the moment, Guo Guo swaggered and declared triumphantly, "If your pockets are full, you can woo any beauty you please! Buy one, toss one! Crave a loli? Get a loli! Prefer a mature queen? She's yours too!"
Chen Mo could only wipe away his cold sweat. If even a rice cooker had embraced gold-digging so thoroughly, then the free market had truly sunk deep into every corner of life.
The crowd of artifacts, meanwhile, seemed thoroughly stunned.
The Zun and the Vase both lifted their gaze skyward as though envisioning themselves flanked by beauties, the Vase even beginning to drool.
"But… how do we acquire wealth?" After a long reverie, the Zun snapped out of it, staring at Guo Guo with the eyes of a disciple beholding a sage.
"Fool! Didn't the old guard say that robbing a bank is the fastest way to riches?" the White Jade Vase rebuked, knocking the Zun soundly. "But what is a bank, exactly?"
"You're joking, right? You don't even know what a bank is?" Guo Guo leapt up in disbelief, eyes filled with scorn.
It wasn't until the Vase hung its head in shame that Guo Guo finally sighed dreamily. "A bank… is a place overflowing with money. If you have the guts, you can take as much as you like. There are even beautiful ladies there who'll cry and beg to go with you when you do."
"Well, crying and begging is accurate," Chen Mo muttered weakly, too dispirited to even correct them properly.
Silence descended like a shroud. All the bronze and ceramic artifacts glanced around at one another, lost in strange thoughts.
Then, with eerie synchronicity, the Zun and the Vase both knelt before Guo Guo and exclaimed, "Boss! Take us with you! Let's go rob a bank!"
"I'm gonna faint…" Chen Mo staggered back, feeling as though he'd stumbled into a scene from some over-the-top fantasy novel.
Through his teary eyes, he saw Guo Guo posing dramatically as it refused, "I have no interest. I work alone. I need no followers."
"No! Boss!" The Zun and the Vase clung to its feet like worshippers before a deity. "We're loyal! We'll go wherever you command! Robbery, look-out, getaway driver—we'll do it all! If something goes wrong, we'll even take the fall for you!"
"Hmm…" Guo Guo pondered solemnly, glancing down at the group of eager underlings, before finally letting out a reluctant sigh.
"Very well. Since you're so sincere, I suppose I must accept you. Here—I have many divine artifacts. Choose one each as a token of our bond."
Classic. Textbook "hero gathering loyal followers" moment—even the parting gifts were there.
In a flash, the relics eagerly made their selections—Four-Goat Square Zun chose a pair of underwear, the White Jade Vase picked a box of condoms…
Heaven only knew what use they saw in those items, but they looked utterly content, some even on the verge of tears.
"Right then! Let's move over there and plan our bank heist!" Now the proud leader of a gang, Guo Guo led the charge, swaggering away.
"Once we've robbed enough banks, we'll buy weapons, recruit more underlings… then expand from South City outward—conquer the world, the galaxy, the universe! And while we're at it, build ourselves a harem of seventy-two consorts!"
So shouting, it vanished down a distant hallway with its feverishly excited followers.
Chen Mo stared after them in mute disbelief. Suddenly, he began to worry for the banks of South City.
If, someday, a gang of ancient relics did storm a bank, it would indeed be a sight to behold… at least they wouldn't need bags to carry the loot.
"I'd better make sure the doors are locked tonight." Fingering the keys at his waist, Chen Mo exhaled softly and turned his gaze back to the copper pillar at the center of the hall.
The thick shaft would require two people to embrace fully. Intricate patterns covered every inch, forming a strange and cryptic design.
Even from ten meters away, he could already sense the jade-like energy emanating from it.
"It seems like more than one fragment… or maybe this one is just unusually large." Frowning, Chen Mo hesitated, unable to resist the temptation. Slowly, he extended his hand.
Ten centimeters… five… three… The aura was intensifying—one touch, and he might grasp it.
BANG! A sudden noise broke his concentration. Something had been flung open.
Simultaneously, a rustling echoed from the distant shadows. A gust of cold wind swept through, extinguishing the lights.
"Don't scare me…" he muttered, instinctively retreating. Even knowing the exhibits could come to life, Chen Mo's scalp tingled.
Before he could finish speaking, the rustling ceased. Silence returned.
He stood frozen for a moment, then cautiously stepped forward—only to find an empty wall. Nothing unusual.
"What are you looking for?" a chilling voice shattered the silence. Something icy touched his shoulder.
"I…" Feeling the cold seep into his skin, Chen Mo shivered involuntarily.
A few seconds later, when he saw what stood before him, his body trembled in disbelief. Then, summoning every ounce of courage, he said:
"I'm not Tang Monk!"