My anger flares hot in a roiling wave before cooling in a bath of ice, over and over again. Elias's words had penetrated me deeply.
The conversation didn't turn out how I had expected at all. He was supposed to be shocked and disgusted by my admission of killing those people for money.
It disgusted me!
I've only killed those who wronged me since.
He was supposed to kick me out or say he'd support my mission.
He wasn't supposed to lecture me about my own gods damn feelings and turn the only thing I've lived for upside down.
I don't look up as the door opens.
The butlers calm voice comes softly as he sits down across from me.
"Forgive an old man for eavesdropping… but I heard what the young master said and I have to agree with most of it."
Of course he'd agree with Elias, he works for him.
"But the one thing that I believe he got completely right was the part about you being a coward. Master Kelric, I have lived a very long time and done things I've regretted countless times."
I look up to see the old man lost in memories of the past.
"But what I regret most of all, are the things I didn't do because I was a coward. The men I didn't kill. The women I didn't bed. Kelric, let me ask you something. What will you have left after getting your revenge? I know what I recieved, scorned lovers and a lonely life taking care of a brat."
His unexpected candor makes me stop sulking for a moment and bark a little laugh.
He gets up then and straightens his tie.
"One last thing before I go, master Kelric. Your friend Harry, do you think he would approve of how you isolate yourself?"
I don't even have to deliberate over this question, I know the answer and I don't like it.
Can I really live for more? Do I have the right after all the pain I've caused?
I've been in the city less than a week and the plan feels like it's falling apart.
What's worse is the fact of confronting the truth about avenging Harry. He wouldn't want me to take revenge, he'd just want me to live a happy life.
Shaking my head, I refuse to let this go.
Unlike when we were together in Saltpond, I won't let him get his way this time. I will take my revenge and shatter that empire till there's nothing but rubble, blood and bone.
Elias and the butler are right, I'm sacred of anything other than my revenge. I'm scared too put myself through an unknown and let Marinah see the real me.
She gets mad at me quite often, but I don't want her to hate me even more. But what if there is a chance she…
"Argghhh!"
I slam my face in my hands and hold it for a few seconds. Springing to my feet before I lose the momentum of the decision I just made, my feet start moving.
I sprint through the house and upstairs to Elias's room and accidentally bust the door off it's hinges.
He's in the middle of undressing for bed and his hands fly to his groin.
"Gods damn it Kel-"
I run up to him and shake his shoulders.
"Where do you think Marinah is right now!?"
"At her house? Get off me you brute!"
"Where does she live?"
His mouth drops open at my question.
"You're not thinking of going there right now? Are you?"
I nod in confirmation.
"Kelric. Are you an idiot?"
"I.. I don't think so..?"
"Then why would you want to visit a maiden's house at this hour? Are you a pervert then?"
I realize my mistake and try to backpedal out of the room.
"Well uh.. no it's just that.. I umm. I wanted too-"
Our earlier conversation doesn't even seem to slightly change Elias's attitude towards me and his teasing smile returns.
"Kelric, the girls are coming here tomorrow for the small party I'm throwing. Can't you wait till then to see her.. pervert?"
"I'm not a pervert!"
I turn to leave the room as embarrassment fills me. I don't know if I'll have the nerve to tell Marinah tomorrow, that's why I wanted to go now.
Elias makes me dread the near future even more when he calls out to me while I pick his door off the ground and lean it in the doorframe.
"I can't wait to tell Marinah how bad you wanted to see her.. I wonder what she.."
I don't hear the rest as I stomp down the hall towards my room.
Getting undressed and lying down in bed, I'm not sure if I can fall asleep.
My worries are unfounded as another dreamless night passes and I naturally wake to the dim rays of light entering through the window.
The clothing I'm given today is a little different, the shirt is short sleeved and a little tighter than usual. It's not uncomfortable however and feels light.
Making my way downstairs to eat breakfast, I see Elias with a small knot on his forehead.
He glared at me as I pull out the chair across from him.
"What happened to you?"
"I forgot that damned door was blown off its hinges by some pervert last night."
"Ohhh.. sorry."
We eat in silence for a bit until he starts talking again.
"What's that one from?"
I don't know what he means until I see him pointing at deep scar on my forearm.
"Um.. I think that was from an Urumi."
"What's that?"
"It's like a whip and sword combined. It's thin and razor sharp and very hard to predict. I believe it originates from Solicia, or at least the man wielding it was from there. Very strange accent."
"What about that one?"
"That was a bite from a Cursefang Wolf."
He sucked in a breath.
"Was it awakened? Must've been a tough fight."
"No and kinda, the toughest part was not letting the other two encircle me."
"Gods above Kelric.. how many fights did it take for you to become the arena champion?"
"Not as many as you'd think, people don't tend to live very long there. I believe by my 15th match I was champion, that was about a month after I got there."
The rest of breakfast was spent explaining various scars to Elias.
My body feels a little restless after not doing something strenuous since the exam. I also want to keep my mind from drifting towards what was going to happen tonight.
Elias let me borrow a nice heavy broadsword so I could take it out back swing it around.
There isn't any form or particular movement I'm practicing since I've never been formally taught how to fight.
I'm very fond of the new shirt I've been given, it doesn't restrict movement and let's the cool fall breeze wash across my sweaty body.
It's lunchtime when I stop and after the meal, I remember something important.
"I'll be back in a bit."
Elias just follows me out the door like I invited him and we make our way too the Madbell Inn.
The children are as excited as ever to see me and gawk at my exposed arms. The mother has a pitying look that I've seen before, on the tailors face.
I explain what the Earl and I had agreed too yesterday. The mother joins her kids in a crushing embrace as she thanks me profusely.
I then have to shamefully ask her for her and her kids names since I've never bothered to before.
The little boy is Aaron, middle sister Alisha, the oldest is Anya and the mother Arika make up the Hutter family.
I have to tell them to wait a day or two because I need to go back and tell the Earl their names and where their staying so his men can gather them.
Aaron and the girls makes me promise to visit them when I have time.
When we leave the inn, a smile stays planted on my face all the way back to his house.