He is my boyfriend!
Oops. I've messed up. Really, really bad.
All the aunties freeze like someone just hit pause on time. Their mouths hang open in perfect shock, eyes ping-ponging between me and him.
Meanwhile, he's just standing there—calm, clueless, like I've announced the sky is blue.
"Oh my my my!" Mrs. Wei fans herself like she's about to faint. "This handsome young man is your boyfriend?"
"You really pulled a fine one, Yunhua!" Mrs. Liu beams, practically glowing.
"Oh my god! What great news!" another one exclaims, clapping her hands like I just got accepted into some royal family.
Yeah. Great news. The kind that'll spread across the whole sea.
Ugh. It cringes me to the bone, but I force a smile. "Haha, yeah… I got lucky!"
I step closer to him, grab his arm, and hug it like a girlfriend would. I lean in and murmur through clenched teeth, "Smile. Smile!"
He smiles immediately—and it's the weirdest smile I've seen in my entire life. Wide, stiff, slightly off-center… like he's trying to copy a picture of a smile without knowing what it means.
But the aunties eat it up like it's free food.
"Oh my my, what a charming smile!" Mrs. Wei coos, absolutely swooning.
"You never told us you were dating someone this handsome," Mrs. Liu pouts dramatically.
I smile awkwardly, the corners of my mouth twitching. "Haha… it just happened so fast…"
Then comes the question I've been dreading.
"What's his name?"
He starts to open his mouth, and I can already hear the alien syllables about to tumble out.
I stomp on his foot—gently, but enough to shut him up.
"Haha—he's Jiang Yu!" I blurt out, laughing too loud.
He looks at me, utterly confused, his antenna twitching slightly under his headband.
I give him the death stare.
Do not move those things or you are dead.
"Oh my, what a sweet name, Jiang Yu!" Mrs. Liu gushes.
"Where are you from, Jiang?" Mrs. Wei adds, tilting her head, clearly ready to dissect his entire family tree.
He opens his mouth again—probably about to name some galactic quadrant or alien nebula.
I panic-hug his arm tightly, squeezing it like a stress toy, and smile at the aunties like everything's normal.
"Oh… haha… he's from the north. Very north."
The aunties nod like that explains everything. One even says, "Ahh, no wonder he's so fair-skinned."
He blinks at me, totally lost, but thankfully shuts up.
"Haha, yeah… By the way, why are you all here all of a sudden?" I ask, trying to shift the spotlight off Alien Boyfriend Jiang Yu.
Mrs. Wei gasps like I just insulted her honor. "Oh yeah, we totally forgot the main thing! Last night the police came, saying you were missing! Of course we were all worried sick!"
Oh. Right. That.
"Haha, yeah, that… It was just a small misunderstanding. My friend overreacted. Sorry for all the trouble."
Mrs. Liu waves it off like it's nothing. "Oh no no, it's fine! We didn't know you were off having quality time with your handsome man."
The way she says "quality time" makes me want to dig a hole and fall into another dimension.
"Oh but you know," Mrs. Wei leans in like she's sharing juicy gossip, "we always thought that friend of yours was the one you loved. He's always visiting you and all."
"Yeah, yeah!" Mrs. Liu chimes in with way too much excitement. "I also thought there was something between you and that Tang boy!"
Ugh. Don't say his name. Don't rub salt into my wounds, you nosy old hags.
I let out the fakest laugh in history. "Haha, what do you mean? I don't know what you're talking about. He's just my childhood friend. He's like family!"
I tighten my grip on the alien next to me and practically beam. "I've always been in love with this one," I say, hugging him like a lifeline. "My charming, mysterious, long-distance boyfriend from the far, far North. Haha."
Vaelor—or Jiang Yu now—just nods like a confused penguin, clearly not following but smiling anyway.
Knock knock.
The sudden sound makes me jump, and a kid's voice from the other side shouts, "Mummy! Mummy!" before slamming the door. Everyone in the room looks over at the door, wide-eyed.
Before I can even react, Auntie Wei, as if it's her own house, rushes over to open the door and lets her 5-year-old in.
And then, of course, this idiot—who I've somehow gotten stuck with—has his antennae starting to pop out from under his headband, glowing like a neon sign in the middle of a blackout.
Great. Just great.
I quickly cup his face in my hands, turning him around so he's facing away from everyone. I stand in front of him, my hand gripping the back of his neck and pulling him down.
The room gasps. Auntie Wei is already covering her child's eyes with a scandalized look, while the others are doing their best to pretend they aren't very interested in what's going on.
Good. Just look away, old hags. I've completely lost my innocent image now thanks to this idiot.
I lean in close, my voice a low murmur, "Keep those things under your headband, idiot. Stop glowing them, or I'll rip it off."
He looks terrified, his antennae twitching nervously. "Please do not do that. As I've told you before, touching another Vel—"
"Yeah, yeah, I know!" I interrupt, squeezing his neck a little more firmly. "Just stop glowing that thing, okay?"
He nods quickly, all too eager to comply.
Good. Finally, he gets it.
He quickly hides his antennae again, and I let out a relieved breath.
Phew...
I release my grip on his neck and turn back to the aunties, giving them my best awkward smile. "Haha, sorry for that... um, awkward sight. I just thought you all were distracted, so... why not, right? Haha, sorry, I got a little lost in it."
They're all flushed and wide-eyed, practically glowing with excitement.
"Oh my, to be young!!!" Mrs. Wei says, fanning herself again.
"Oh, I can feel you, Yunhua! I was like you too when I was your age," another one chimes in with a knowing smile.
"Haha, what bold of you, dear! I never knew you had this side too," Mrs. Liu adds, almost squealing with delight.
I want to disappear into the floor. I force a laugh, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. It's like I've entered some kind of scandalous episode of a soap opera.
The little brat looks up at me, hands on her hips, and asks, "Mummy, who is this good-looking guy with our pale Yunhua sis?"
What?! Pale? I glare at her, feeling the sting. She just called me pale! That's how she sees me?
Mrs. Wei laughs softly. "Oh my dear Yunhua has gotten herself a fine young man! He's her boyfriend!"
I let out a forced laugh, trying to control my rising irritation. This kid's got guts...
The little girl steps closer, peering up at me. "You see, sis Yunhua, this guy is too good-looking for you... And I'm going to be more pretty when I grow up, so how about you give him to me?"
I feel my blood boil. Did she just indirectly say I'm not pretty enough for him? And now she wants to take my Nobel-prize-winning, alien boyfriend from me? Oh, hell no.
I kneel down to her level, flashing a sweet, overly-sugary smile. "Haha, sorry, dear. I can't give away my charming, handsome, good-looking hot man to just anyone!" I emphasize each word, leaning in. "You see, he chose me."
She pouts, but I can see the wheels turning in her little head. Too bad for her, she's not getting anywhere near my alien boyfriend.
She looks up at him, then at me, giving me that smirk. "Oh, but your man looks like he likes me already."
Huh? I glance up at him, and of course, his eyes are practically sparkling, all happy-go-lucky like a puppy that's found its master after years. Great. Just what I need right now—my alien boyfriend acting like a love-struck fool.
I force a laugh, trying to brush it off. "Haha, you see? He just loves kids, y'know? Small, adorable kids. Not just you. Haha, kids, I say, kids!" I emphasize each word, pointing at her, hoping she gets the message that she's just a kid, and I'm the one he's really with.
The aunties, on the other hand, are cracking up. "Haha, what a possessive girlfriend you have, Jiang!"
Mrs. Wei steps in, trying to keep things in check. "My my, dear Xu, come here, don't bother your sister Yunhua like that."
I give a sharp, pointed look to the little girl as she scampers off, and all the aunties seem to melt under the charm of my awkward situation, their teasing never stopping.
I get up, brushing imaginary dust off my knees.
"It's good seeing you finally settling down," one of them says with a warm smile.
"Yeah," another chimes in, "seeing you all these years all by yourself without anyone to be with—it really makes us happy to see you finally found the man of your dreams."
Ugh. My heart does a weird little twist. On second thought… maybe they aren't that bad. Just nosy and dramatic, sure—but they really do care for me, don't they?
"Right, after all, Yunhua, you've already passed the age to get married and have kids," Mrs. Liu adds like it's the weather report.
Nope. Never mind. They are that bad. What the hell does my age have to do with anything? I'm just 27. I'm still young, damn it!
I force another smile, the edges of my lips twitching. "Haha… yeah…"
Finally, they decide to leave, laughing and mumbling among themselves. I don't even need super hearing to know this story is going to spread across the entire residential complex like wildfire.
As I close the door behind them, I catch the little girl turning back to give me one last smug look.
I glare. Keep dreaming, kid. He's mine. Antennae and all.