As I began walking away, heading towards the supermarket and letting the softly setting sun's warmth rest against my face, I thought how great today turned out to be, having gotten both Helen's and Clark's numbers and all but doubling the number of contacts I possessed. While I went and did the shopping, I did so with a spring in my step that I hadn't seen in what must have been months; back when Sam and I had found forty pounds in a dropped wallet and proceeded to gorge ourselves on fast food and beer. A decision we promptly regretted the next morning.
I soon finished shopping, the orange clouds now a dark purple as the sun was all but hidden. The air once warm was replaced with a bitter chill that made my bones shiver. I began walking home with the two bags of groceries in my left hand, my right having swelled and bruised even further throughout the day from my overzealous punch from before. To such an extent that even the slightest strain caused an excruciating amount of pain. Yet any thoughts about my hand instantly disappeared the moment I got back home and saw the unexpected guest waiting for me.
There Sam stood, leaning against the old brick wall to the side of my house with a constipated expression on his face and looking entirely out of place.
"Hey Sam, what's going on?" I asked, approaching him with no small amount of confusion.
"What's going on!" he sputtered. "Where to start! First, you walk into the classroom with fists more purple than pale that I know weren't caused by the fight yesterday. You then lied to me about what actually happened at the hospital! And then, most importantly, the moment class starts you look like you're about to have a panic attack and storm out of the classroom as if you were getting chased by a ghost!" I winced slightly as his voice increased in volume throughout his tirade until by the end it more closely resembled a roar.
"What makes you think that I lied about what happened at the hospital?" I asked, purposefully ignoring everything else he mentioned. I truly had forgotten how observant Sam was at times.
"Who do you think you're talking to? I've known you all my life. You don't think I know all about your little habits when you attempt to lie? The lack of eye contact, and how you purposefully try to act nonchalant. I swear at this point I doubt you could ever slip a lie past me!"
I stood there flabbergasted, wondering when my best friend had transformed into bloody detective Sherlock Holmes.
"Is that you Sam? You haven't been possessed by a ghost have you?" I joked in a vain attempt to lower the tension that was steadily boiling, an attempt that Sam seemed to completely disregard.
"Stop joking!" He screamed, the veins along his neck pulsing wildly and his eyes narrowed sternly in anger. If he hadn't managed to wake up everyone around us before then he definitely had now. "You always do this. Stop messing around for once and tell me what happened yesterday at the hospital?"
Seeing that no matter what I did I found myself unable to distract Sam, I found myself at a crossroads. I could do one of two things, either think of another lie, a risky choice when Sam had just proclaimed to be a living lie detector. Or I could simply tell him the truth, tell him about my disease and what it entails.
A part of me wanted it to continue being a secret, to keep it hidden away, to only have it in the back of my mind and never out in the open. Because I knew the moment it was out there, it would feel so much more real. However, another part of me, a larger part, needed to let it out, to finally talk to someone about it, someone I trusted. And so I came to a decision.
I took a slow deep breath, calming my now erratic nerves as I thought about the best way to tell Sam the truth. I wondered if I should tell him the whole story and ease into what happened or just be blunt and tell him what the doctor had said to me. I was unable to come to a decision, spending what must have been close to a minute warring between the two options. Which apparently Sam thought was a bit too long.
"Well!" he screamed, finally out of patience. "Just tell me already for god's sake!"
"I'm dying."
Instantly the atmosphere was encompassed by silence with it seeming like the world had come to a standstill. The cold wind that had leisurely drifted passed came to a grinding halt and the chirping of crickets and the squawking of birds that had been ever-present all evening came to an abrupt end. Sam stood there, mouth agape, no doubt trying to process what it was I actually said and whether I was serious. It was only a while later in the disconcerting silence that he looked back towards me, staring at me with those same piercing black eyes of his with an intensity I had never seen. No doubt looking for any of those supposed signs I showed whenever I lied. Signs that weren't currently present and that left him to look at me with an expression of disbelief, sadness and anger all mixed together.
"How?" he whispered, all strength lost from his voice, replaced with a voice that sounded so brittle it seemed out of place coming from Sam.
I explained to Sam everything that had happened the day before at the hospital. About my disease, how long the doctor thought I had left and, most importantly, how there was no cure. As I talked Sam just stood there, quiet and unmoving, reminding me of the way he was back when we were children. Once I finished retelling we both just stood there again in silence, although for two different reasons. Sam was probably still trying to come to grips with all he was told, something I was still trying to do even a day later. I on the other hand was silent due to the wave of relief that washed over me. Relief in having someone else know, someone who I could trust and talk to about it, instead of bottling it all up like I originally planned.
Feeling the oppressive atmosphere surrounding us and seeing Sam still just standing there, looking as gormless as possible, I tried my best, which admittedly wasn't much, to lighten the mood. "Hey man, it's not only negative, there are some positives to this situation as well. I mean, it's not like I have to worry about my grades anymore."
My poor attempt at a joke however seemed to only have had the opposite effect on Sam as his anger, which had subsided into the background since the revelation, sprung back to the forefront with a force to be reckoned with.
"Are you insane! How are you alright with this and making jokes about it? This isn't a game!" He once again screamed, his voice now hoarse and scratched from the amount of yelling.
"Do you really think that's true? That I'm alright? That I don't understand what this really means?" I asked him calmly, unbothered by the anger he showed. "Sam, I'm the furthest thing from being alright. Ever since I heard the news I feel like I'm constantly one step away from completely breaking down into pieces. I'm fucking petrified Sam. I'm scared and I have no idea what to do." I whispered back, doing my best to hold back the tears and emotions that were threatening to come out, emotions that would undoubtedly leave me an emotional wreck.
I must have cut quite the sorry sight at that moment as within seconds Sam went and closed the already small distance between us and enveloped me in his embrace with a bone-crushing hug. I didn't know what it was, whether the atmosphere, the relief, or the exhaustion, all I knew was I soon burst into tears. The sound, while quieter than the screams once heard, still seemed to overpower any noise in the vicinity and echoed out through the neighbourhood, making me thank my lucky stars there was no one around to witness my embarrassing display.
We must have held that position for over five minutes until the chokes and gasps I released were closer to whimpers than the wails they previously were. Throughout it all Sam said not a word, merely resting a hand on my back as he stayed a silent supportive presence, something I was beyond thankful for.
The moment I felt that I finally had some semblance of control over my emotions I released my desperate grasp from Sam and stood back up. To say I was drained would be an understatement, I felt as if I hadn't slept for days on end with even the thought of a nice cosy bed enough to make me almost pass out on my feet. However, I couldn't have been happier. All the emotions I had tried so hard to bottle up, my anger and sadness, my stresses and fears, they had all finally disappeared; at least for the moment.
"Thanks for that. I guess I really needed it." I sheepishly muttered, feeling a bit too embarrassed to look Sam in the eyes.
"No problem mate. If you ever need anything just know that I'm always here for you." He replied without an ounce of mockery, with only warmth and sympathy able to be found in his voice.
My eyes started to glisten once more after hearing that, with it taking my full control to not burst into tears yet again. To try and get rid of the sombre tone that still enveloped us, I decided to tell him about what happened with Helen. Something I hadn't been able to do before I had all but sprinted out of the classroom that morning.
"In brighter news, guess who talked to Helen today and got her number," I said smugly, enjoying the look of shock that passed across Sam's face. A look of shock that funnily was only slightly less than what he showed when he heard about me dying.
Seeing that I clearly no longer wanted to talk about my situation, at least at the moment, Sam played along with my obvious effort in switching topics. "Well, since you're literally incapable of talking to Helen without combusting into flames, it must have been me." He joked, "It's strange though. I can't quite remember getting her number though."
"Shut up dumbass." I laughed as I slapped him on the shoulder, my hand making contact with the wet stains I left from my outburst.
There was a brief lull in the conversation, a lull that brought to my attention again how bone-shatteringly tired I was. A thought which made me release a loud yawn more in line with a lion's roar. "Well, I need to go to sleep man. I'm dead tired. Is it alright if I tell you what happened with Helen tomorrow?"
Funnily, Sam seemed almost indignant about having to wait for the gossip on how I got Helen's number but seemed understanding of my need for rest. "Fine. But you better tell me first thing tomorrow" He sulked.
"Sure man, will do."
Just as I passed him and was now at the front doorstep of my home, Sam spoke once more from behind me. "Adam, if you ever need anything, anything at all, just know that I'm here for you and always will be." He said, his face deathly serious.
Yet again, I felt myself becoming emotional as I wondered how lucky I was to have such a caring best friend and brother. "I know. Thanks, Sam, seriously. I'll see you tomorrow." I choked out.
"See you tomorrow, mate." And with that, he turned around, walking back down the street to where he lived as I opened the front door to my home. Two bags of groceries still held in my left hand and a relaxed smile on my face as I did so, thinking to myself that today truly turned out to be an alright day in the end.