After devising the plan of how to explain the sudden changes of Johannes' body, he eagerly continued eating his bun. The conversation with his mother would come afterwards and eventually he would do the workouts later on. But for now, something delicious was waiting for him. The savory smell reminded him of the times when his father visited him at early hours. They often shared his food with each other. Due to Johannes' former lack of appetite, his father used to eat his leftovers.
Johannes' mouth was watering when he faced the delicacy that he was about to gobble down. Bite after bite his teeth carefully ripped away small chunks of the bun, which eventually vanished without a trace. A second one was waiting for him and his appetite had never been higher.
His belly felt as if it was on the verge of exploding. Even so, as his touch wandered onto his belly it did not feel bloated at all.
Just as much as he would haved liked to sleep for a bit, he wanted to go on with his quest. However, he wanted to call his mother before he could do so. For the first time in a while, he genuinely felt okay.
It was not that he forgot his father. It was rather that his newfound abilities took a lot of his time which left less room for crying. Johannes could not decide whether that was positive or not.
Furthermore, the information about his predecessor - whom he assumed to be his father, lightened up his mood.
As long as nothing horrible happens, this day will be good. I should give Mom a call now.
As a consequence of his words, his hand hovered above the receiver of the white phone that the hospital had provided. Even though there were fees for calling outside of the hospital he used it from time to time. Thanks to governmental subsidies the cost was not that much.
I'd love to use my mobile for that kind of stuff though. They should improve their mobile reception here. I mean they have Wi-Fi but no way to call your loved ones with your own device?
Careful navigation of the numbers resulted in the inescapable. A small click chimed, and after a few seconds, a weepy voice picked up the phone.
"H- Hello? Is that you, Johannes?"
"Mom, are you okay? You sound horrible." He knew that she was, in fact, not okay. How could she be? But he had to ask. What if another underlying issue was on her mind, too?
"Yes, I'm totally fine. W- Why did you call me, honey?" Johannes had a hard time believing her. Her speech felt unnatural.
"Be honest with me. My stuff can wait. Did something happen?" He now sounded more concerned than before.
"It's just… I've been missing your father a lot, and the memories left me crying on my own. It's been tough. But don't worry." Her voice sounded hoarse from crying, but she did her best to speak as audibly as possible.
Johannes did not know what to say. They used to have a strained relationship, but he could not bear to hear his mother being hurt like that.
When was the last time I actually thought about my mother? Does she even have anyone now except for my sister? No uncles or aunts are living around. Besides Grandpa, she probably has no one. I haven't talked to him in a while.
With the young man lost in thoughts, his mother broke the silence after roughly half a minute. Her voice startled Johannes. It was as if he completely forgot he was on a call.
"Sometimes I… I wish I could join him." His heartbeat skipped for a second, and he felt as if her sorrow was passing over to him - hitting him right again. How could she say this? Were his sister and him not enough reason to keep living?
Of course, he felt the same at times, but first of all, he did not speak this out. Second, due to the system he inherited, his mind revolved not only around his father but also about his improvements. He had been on a slow but acceptable path to deal with the grief for now. Am I selfish?Have I just been repressing my sadness and ignoring my family?
It dawned on him. This treacherous belief led the young man, who was not as frail as he used to be, to have horrible intrusive thoughts. It was as if his mother had flipped a switch.
His gaze went dark and met the ground. The former strength left his body, making it feel like a few hundred kilograms weighed down on him. His stomach started to hurt, and the food he ate felt as if it wanted to jump right out of him. A slight tremble took over his hand, now barely able to hold the speaker. Something deep inside him wanted to hang up the phone and be alone.
I am a horrible son. My mother is bawling her eyes out while I'm sitting here, eating my sandwich and enjoying it. I am slowly walking towards the goal of strengthening my body. But what about my mother? My sister? How could I do this?
However, he knew he had to check on his mother. He could not stay silent forever. Otherwise, he would regret not having spoken up.
"Mom, are you alone? Is Naime with you?" His tone sounded concerned, his voice balancing between talking loud and screaming.
"Your sister? No, she's here…"
"You shouldn't be alone, Mom."
After a full minute of silence, his mother sighed and spoke again.
"Honey, I am sorry for not visiting you as much as your father did. You… You remind me so much of him that it sometimes pains me."
His mother had just seated him in the front row of an emotional rollercoaster bound to go through a triple-winded looping. How could she say that? Now, of all the times, she rarely visited him ever since his father died because... it was painful to see him?
Not that she often came along back then. Nonetheless, she used to see him weekly. For a brief, almost fleeting moment, his guilt dissolved - replaced by something way worse. He felt unwanted. No, even shunned.
"What did you just say?" Johannes' voice was shaking now, barely able to contain his desperation amidst his mother's daunting words.