Approaching shady men in a tavern after eavesdropping? Totally safe. Completely smart. Excellent life choices all around.
"Alright," I muttered, cracking my knuckles as I led the charge. "Time to do what I do best—create chaos and spend ridiculous amounts of Mora."
"Please just behave," Lumine sighed, already bracing herself for disaster.
"Define 'behave.'"
"Not making things explode."
"...That's a big ask."
Greg flicked his tail like he agreed but was also slightly judging me.
We stepped up to the table where that Tariq guy was seated. He looked at us with a sneer, like he already regretted his life choices. "Huh, who are you? What do you want?"
Lumine stepped forward with grace and zero nonsense. "We're students from the Akademiya."
He squinted. "A student? Even that weird guy with a lizard on his head?"
I raised an eyebrow. "I'll have you know, this is Lord Greg of the High Summit. Show some respect."
Tariq ignored me entirely. Rude.
"What's a student from Sumeru City doing in Port Ormos?"
"We're looking for info about a certain… 'something,'" Lumine replied smoothly.
"Ahh, well if it's info you want, you've come to the right place. The question is: can you afford it?"
Paimon visibly winced as I reached into my pocket and pulled out a sack of Mora. With a theatrical sigh of mourning, I slapped it into his palm like I was performing a funeral rite. "Take it. Take my hopes, my dreams, my dignity. And half a million Mora."
Paimon groaned, burying her face in her hands. "Ooh, Paimon can't stand to see so much Mora go... but there's no other choice right now…"
Tariq chuckled. "Heh heh. Here, this is the merchant's address—whatever you're looking for, you'll find it there."
He paused. "...Hmm? Well, what are you waiting for?"
I raised a hand. "I just have… one more question."
Lumine nodded at me slightly like, 'Be careful.' Paimon was already sweating.
"Oh, that's right!" Paimon blurted. "We heard you mention King Deshret just now. We're actually interested to know more because… uh, because we're... ah... archaeology students! Hehe."
I chimed in. "Very interested. Extremely scholarly. I once wrote an entire thesis on ancient desert gods. It was mostly doodles and angry rants about sand, but still."
Tariq raised an eyebrow but continued. "Heh, fine. Since you've already handed over the Mora, I guess I can throw in a little extra info."
He leaned back like he was giving a lecture and not actively ruining my mental stability.
"As you can see, members of Ayn Al-Ahmar are devout believers of King Deshret. Years ago, King Deshret founded the great desert nation that was our homeland. It was an advanced civilization, far beyond anything you'll see in present-day Sumeru."
He kept going, unaware I was seconds from flipping the table.
"King Deshret was the rightful God of Wisdom, but he was betrayed by a companion he trusted... She even stripped him of his title, 'God of Wisdom.'"
Paimon blinked. "So you mean the traitor was…"
"Greater Lord Rukkhadevata, yes! That shameless wretch destroyed King Deshret's civilization—"
That was it.
I snapped.
With absolutely no hesitation, I lunged forward and grabbed this man by the collar.
"WHAT did you just call her!?"
Tariq looked mildly shocked. "Hey, what the—?"
Lumine gasped. "Shigeru!"
Paimon flailed. "Wha—No! Stop! You can't just grab people!"
Greg… Greg gave me the most supportive, smug little tail flick I'd ever seen.
"Greg approves," I hissed, feeling the lizard do a majestic tail swish on my head. "I'm backed by royalty."
That was it. That ignited the fire.
"You listen here, desert man," I hissed. "You will NOT disrespect the Dendro Mommy in my presence. You can throw around conspiracy theories and your edgy god fanfics, but the moment you open your mouth against her again, I will personally rearrange your jawline into a modern art sculpture!"
Lumine grabbed my shoulder, trying to yank me back. "Shigeru, we're in public—"
"He called her a traitor, Lumine!" I snarled. "A TRAITOR! Greater Lord Rukkhadevata literally sacrificed herself to save Sumeru! Show some damn respect!"
Tariq tried to talk, but I shook him slightly like a very confused maraca.
"I don't care if your god left you on read for 3,000 years, you do NOT get to rewrite history just because you're bitter!"
Paimon hovered like an emergency siren. "Lumine! Do something! He's gonna explode!"
Lumine looked torn. "I… I want to agree with him, but we can't just assault people!"
"Say it one more time," I warned. "Say it. I dare you."
Tariq blinked, face pale. "Y-you're insane!"
"I'M EDUCATED!"
Greg puffed his chest proudly, still lounging like a king.
Finally, with Lumine and Paimon both tugging at me like moral anchors, I released him.
But not before pointing two fingers at my eyes, then at him. "I'm watching you. And so is Greg. We will haunt your dreams."
Tariq stumbled back into his seat, stunned. Probably questioning every choice he made since birth.
Lumine sighed. "We got the info. Let's just… leave before we get kicked out."
I dusted myself off with dramatic flair. "Fine. But justice was served today."
Greg nodded like a judge slamming his gavel.
And with that, we turned to go, leaving one traumatized believer and a slightly shaken tavern behind.
One thing was clear: nobody disrespects Dendro Mommy on my watch. Not while Shigeru and his noble lizard steed walk this land.
Because I may be stupid.
I may be broke.
But by the Archons, I'm loyal.
Look. I was ready to leave. I swear. I almost turned around peacefully.
But justice demanded a toll.
And so, with the power of suppressed rage and petty vengeance, I pulled my fist back and delivered one solid, dignified punch straight to Tariq's overly smug face. Not enough to kill, of course. I may be petty, but I'm not homicidal.
Well. Not usually.
"Ow! My face!" Tariq groaned, staggering back, hand to his cheek.
"Good. Let that be a lesson from the Church of Dendro Mommy," I said, dusting off my knuckles like some vigilante.
"Shigeru…" Lumine's voice was tired. Like she aged five years in five seconds. "We were so close to just walking away."
"But he deserved it!" I protested, pointing dramatically. "The punishment was symbolic!"
"Symbolic violence is still violence!"
Greg made a lazy flick of his tail as if saying he's got a point, though.
Paimon floated beside us, her arms crossed. "Can we not start every new chapter of our lives with someone getting decked in the face? Just once?"
We were about to head out again when I froze mid-step.
"Wait a minute…" I muttered, brows furrowing. Something was bugging me.
Lumine turned, half-panicked. "No more punching, please."
"No, no, not that. It's just… something doesn't add up. That guy said this was the address of the merchant, right? But something feels fishy…"
Paimon squinted. "You mean, besides everything about him?"
And then, the universe decided to deliver a plot twist in the form of an incredibly smug voice from behind us.
"You're correct. You must not leave yet. That man is a fraud."
I turned.
And there he was.
Greek statue physique. Deadpan eyes. Cape. The audacity of someone who looks like he wakes up knowing he's smarter than you.
It was him.
Alhaitham.
I elbowed Lumine, whispering, "Hey, hey, it's the infamous scribe! The one who probably does push-ups in between paragraphs!"
Lumine rolled her eyes. "Please. Not in front of the muscle philosopher."
Paimon: "Huh!?"
Tariq: "Ugh, you again! Tch… Deranged Akademiya lunatic!"
Alhaitham stepped forward calmly, like he was about to correct someone's thesis and ruin their career. "Yes, it's me again. I already warned you that if you weren't willing to sit and discuss things with me, I'd take measures to make things… uncomfortable for you."
His words were like passive-aggressive daggers dipped in intellect.
Alhaitham turned to us. "Listen to me. That address he gave you is fake—or at least, you won't find a merchant waiting for you there. This group's been boasting all around that they can provide information on a certain 'item' as bait to lure people in."
He crossed his arms. "Once you show up, they keep the act going until they have hard evidence that you're trying to purchase said item. Then they extort you for every Mora you have."
My jaw dropped. "I knew the shady address was a setup! Greg sensed it. Didn't you, buddy?"
Greg blinked once. He knew.
Tariq snarled. "Hey! Shut it, Alhaitham! What are you playing at, trying to ruin our business like this?"
Alhaitham didn't flinch. "I told you the other day: I wish to discuss my terms with your boss."
Tariq: "Hah! The boss made it clear that he won't negotiate with you!"
Alhaitham: "Yes, and in no uncertain terms. But that was then. It does not preclude him from changing his mind in the future."
Tariq was practically vibrating with rage now. "I'm warning you, don't push us, or this could get ugly! We don't usually get rough with people from the Akademiya because it complicates things. But for a lunatic like you, we might make an exception!"
I raised a hand like a kid in class. "Uh, yeah, hi. Still standing here. Very insulted by the idea that I'm not the lunatic you're worried about."
Lumine sighed beside me. "They clearly haven't spent five minutes with you."
Alhaitham continued without breaking stride. "If you're suggesting we escalate this from a verbal exchange to a physical one, I accept. Even the Archons used war to negotiate the ownership of Teyvat."
Paimon whispered to me, "He scares Paimon. But, like, academically."
Alhaitham: "If we can't agree on any means of negotiation, then I'm afraid my next course of action will sting more than the loss of a few business deals."
Alhaitham: "I will jeopardize the Eremites' reputation, which I know you value above all else. And I am confident that if I begin such action, your boss will willingly come to me."
He narrowed his eyes slightly. "However, by then… some things may have already happened that cannot be undone."
The tension in the tavern was thick. Even Greg stopped blinking.
Alhaitham added, almost casually, "Also, a word of advice… Tell your boss exactly what happened here today. Otherwise, he might blame you for not informing him."
Tariq flinched. "Wh-What did you say?"
Alhaitham: "Consider this: Have I ever failed to follow through on my word in the past?"
One of the other Eremites muttered, "This guy is really out of his mind…"
Paimon muttered under her breath. "Takes one to know one."
Tariq, after much internal crisis: "Fine. A week from today. The pier in front of Pharos Lighthouse. Four o'clock in the afternoon. Don't expect us to hold back."
Alhaitham, smoothly: "Not so fast. First, return the 500,000 Mora to them."
Tariq gritted his teeth. "Hmph."
A heavy sack was reluctantly tossed back into my hands. I hugged it like it was my long-lost child.
I whispered to Greg, "That's it. I'm naming my next pet lizard after him."
Lumine exhaled. "Let's go before someone else tries to stab you."
We left, trailing after Alhaitham, who walked like the world was his thesis paper and he was about to grade it all with a red pen.
And me? I had my Mora. I had my dignity (somewhere). And I had Greg.
And this time… I didn't even start the fight. That was character development.
Probably.
***
Ah yes, nothing quite like the awkward aftermath of a tavern showdown, where everyone pretends nothing happened while side-eyeing each other like it's the final round of a staring contest. The Eremites finally left, leaving behind an aura of unpaid food and unresolved tension. I was about to make a grand exit — you know, something like a hair flip or a Greg wave — when a desperate voice broke the moment.
"Please, I beg you, don't provoke them. We can't afford any trouble with this crowd... They haven't even paid for their food yet..."
We all turned. It was the tavern owner, a poor soul with permanent anxiety etched into his mustache, even though he doesn't have one.
Eymen.
Like, bro, Eymen? That's not a name. That's what someone says after a dramatic prayer. Like:
"May the Archons protect us... Eymen."
"Ah, Mr. Eymen," Alhaitham greeted, arms crossed, casually radiating law-school dropout energy. "There appears to be fewer staff in the restaurant recently. This wouldn't happen to be because they're all busy spreading the word to the students, would it?"
Eymen started sweating. Like, full-on Fontaine waterfall levels of sweating. "I, uh... W—Well…"
"No need to get flustered," Alhaitham continued, his voice like a scolding thesis advisor. "Someone who chooses to do business with a group like that really can't afford to lose composure so easily."
Then, like a smooth-talking menace, he delivered the final blow:
"Consider the meal compensation for our silence — I'd say you're getting an excellent deal."
I gasped.
Out loud.
"Man just turned 'snitch tax' into fine dining," I whispered.
Paimon hovered closer to me, eyes wide. "Whoa, did you see that? He not only got us our Mora back, but sent the Eremites running, too…"
"Plus," I added dramatically, "he looked good doing it. Like, academic hitman levels of cool."
Lumine sighed beside me. "You're going to say something stupid, aren't you?"
"I would die for him. Not even reluctantly."
There was a pause.
Greg gave a solemn nod from atop my head.
Paimon blinked. "He seems to know a lot about what's going on around here. We should catch up with him and ask some questions!"
Lumine turned toward me, arching a brow. "Just questions, right?"
"I mean—probably. Mostly. Depends if he flexes again."
Lumine rolled her eyes so hard I swear I heard her retina squeak.
"Let's go before you embarrass us even more."
"Too late," Paimon muttered.
As Alhaitham turned to leave, I felt this compulsion—no, destiny—pulling me after him. Like a moth to a gym membership.
"Questions like how he got abs and that vocabulary," I added, dead serious.
And just like that, Lumine's hand was on my collar.
"Nope," she said flatly, already dragging me toward the direction Alhaitham went.
"Wait, I can walk! I have dignity!"
"You had dignity. You lost it when you declared eternal loyalty to a man you just met."
"But he's built like a scholar and a sin!"
Paimon waved at the tavern owner awkwardly. "Thanks for the free meal!"
Greg clung on, tail swinging in the wind like a loyal battle flag.
"Are we sure this isn't illegal?" I asked no one in particular.
"Pretty sure if he flexes again, you'll turn yourself in," Lumine deadpanned.
And thus, our quest continued — following the trail of mystery, Mora, and that smug scribe with the muscles of a demigod. Also, maybe to find more Eremites who dare disrespect the Dendro Mommy and show them what a true simp is capable of.
Pray for them.
Eymen.
___________________________
End of Chapter 90
Quests Completed:
*Eavesdrop on the Ayn Al-Ahmar mercenaries.
*Approach Tariq and purchase information.
*Reveal the scam with Alhaitham's help.
*Momentarily loses it over Rukkhadevata slander. (Again)
*Lightly assaults Tariq (emphasis on "lightly").
*Meet the scribe that could probably bench press a whole bookshelf.
Rewards:
*Mora Refund: +500,000 Mora
*Information about the fake merchant address (nullified)
*Alhaitham's intervention & future lead
*Free meal from Eymen's tavern
*Additional Clout with Greg: +1 Bond Level
*Unlocked future showdown at Pharos Lighthouse