Nicholas's POV :
I knew it! I shouldn't have invited him here in the first place! Just look at the nervous breakdown I'm having now!
Mentally cursing myself for the nth time, I checked the whole room again, the bed was neat, the clothes were tucked in inside the wardrobe nicely, the small study table was arranged too. However I couldn't do much about the aisle which I use for painting, the paintings are neatly arranged, but the piled up loose sketches are disheveled so are paints and the brushes. I tried my best to keep them in order but failed miserably and as you can see I'm panicking over that small matter.
Small matter?! You invited Felix over for the first time to show your paintings! You call it small matter?! What if he feels disgusted?!....
Here goes my brain again! Just this afternoon, in the Defence Strategy Practical class, I casually invited Felix to see my works and he immediately agreed to come here after dinner. Since the dinner time had been forwarded earlier, I didn't have much time to tidy up the place. Up until now I'm the only one occupying this space as Felix already informed me that he won't be able to be back before the semester exams which will be on the first week of March.
Time has passed really fast since that apology morning, next day he indeed joined me again at dinner and as promised he explained his whole day routine to assure me that he didn't have spared time. And just like that we would enjoy our meals together, sometimes sparring, little chats in D.S. class, sometimes joining eachother in morning workouts on offdays. He is a fabulous person to chill with, a good listener, a good advisor, sometimes he feels so matured compared to his age. It feels good to have someone like him as a friend, however sometimes my instincts get into the way to prove that my heart definitely wants more than that.
Just look at the stress I'm taking right now over this matter, if it was just a friend I wouldn't have cared but my conscience suddenly wants to impress him! Just great! Whom am I kidding!?
Click!
The mechanical sound of the main door opening brought my mind back to present. But how... Oh yes, he also has the keys!
With sweat covering my hands, I hurriedly opened my room's door to welcome him.
Felix was still closing the door, when I got out, looking back at me, he greeted "hey."
However my heart reacted faster than my mind, as it pounded crazily, completely melting at the cuteness of the boy in front of me. He looked so fluffy and squeezable in that thick faded grey overcoat, his cheeks and nose tinted with bright red, his eyes still looking at me with amusement....
Wait! I didn't greet him back.
"Hey, I..."
My voice didn't sound like mine at all! Clearing my throat with a meek attempt, I approached him "I thought you'll be a bit late so I prepared the fire pit just a little ago, come get yourself warm first."
While saying so I helped him out of his overcoat and his reaction was priceless, he looked surprised then the red tint darkened.
Did he just blush? That actually worked?! That didn't feel too much sudden right? Was it casual enough? ...
"Ahh.. Nicholas I don't think I'll get so much time to stay over. I still have works to do after this."
Did that upset me? Umm a little. Hey com'on he is a doctor, he has night shifts to do. Moreover he still trying hard to catch up with the syllabus. I can't force him.
"Umm that's okay Felix. At least you came and that's what matters. Now com'on, let's go to my room."
Grabbing his hand, I pulled him inside my room, and he was awed, his big doe like eyes were absorbing each single fibre of my room, I couldn't help but admire him, a genuine smile spread over my face, my eyes darted from him to our joined hands. Warmth spreading all over my system, I felt butterflies swarming in my stomach, the feeling was overwhelming.
"Wow... Nicholas....this is amazing! You've got taste in decoration." His excitement ran through me as a satisfied smile spread over my face.
"Ahhh... I didn't have much time to tidy up though."
"Oh com'on! That's the least noticeable. Just look at the walls and the aisle....is that a painting on that canvas?"
He was genuinely praising my works, then pointing to an unfinished painting he asked.
Approaching to the canvas, he had amusement imprinted on his features which gave me the courage to believe that I passed the first impression.
"Yeah, that's what I'm working on right now."
"What is it about? It's colours look so shabby..."
"It's about a withered flower. So the colours are meant to be dead."
"Why not a blooming one?"
The increasing deep frown on his face made me realise that he might have known something about my background. Though we never shared anything personal, I still can say that he definitely has a lot of information about me.
"We have assigned theme for every week, this week professor Jones wanted us to explore some darker vibes, so..."
As he nodded his head in understanding, he looked a bit relieved. I'm definitely guessing it right.
"Why don't you see around, I'll get us something to drink."
Breaking his trance, I suggested.
Again he just nodded absent-mindedly and I decided to leave him to it, he won't open up unless he feels like it, just like me.
When I returned with a cup of hot coffee, and a glass of hot chocolate, he was immersed into my hand sketchbook, exactly which one contained my mom's and the other Felix's sketches. Just why didn't I put that aside first?!
"Your mom looks so beautiful." Still staring at the sketch, he murmured.
Carefully watching his sullen expression, I handed over his hot chocolate, a delighted smile creeped on his face and that definitely made me relaxed.
"She looked beautiful, specially when she smiled a lot. She always made sure that I saw her smiling." Looking at the sketch, I could feel my eyes getting full.
"She might be still smiling somewhere out there." When our eyes met, I was caught off-guard with his determined, steady gaze.
Does he really know what happened with my mom? How? Ohh, The Knights! He is really close to them. But still this matter is really confidential, how can they...
"You won't ask me why is she absent from my life?" The way he looked troubled with my question, I got more assured.
"Nicholas, you're already traumatized enough with all those rumours swarming over, and trust me, I don't believe any single word of them. Whatever happened back then, can stay with you and your mom only, as long as you both are safe."
His soft smile relaxed my aching heart and also confirmed that he might have known everything about the whole incident. But how? Is he some kind of spy too under The Knights? If he is, then he knows where my mom is, right?
I was about to ask him about his closeness with The Knights, when he got to the page where Felix's first sketch appeared, my posture stiffened, my eyes darted to him, he looked more affected by it. The smile disappeared a long ago, so did the assuring confidence. Does he know the other Felix too? If he is actually aware about mom then he must know about him too.
"This..." He seemed not to be able to complete the question.
"He was my best friend in my childhood, when I stayed at St.Loire."
"You guys might have been really close for you to draw him this vividly." His tone seemed really off, it came like just above a murmure.
"Yeah, since that's the only look I know about him. I don't know how he looks at the present. We...we drifted apart with our own lives. I don't even know how is he doing now. Neither do I know where is he."
In the past five years, I didn't dare to talk about Felix to a single soul, scared, if I actually put him in some kind of danger, since I already know that he is a spy under The Knights, who definitely rescued my mom from a certain death threat.
"Felix, you've graduated your high school from St. Loire, right?"
Finally he had the courage to look straight at me, maybe my desperation was affecting him too much.
As he nodded, I continued "did you perhaps come across him? He also graduated from there. He used to live with his grandparents there. His name is also Felix, Felix Lawrence."
He almost looked inflicted by the same pain as he shook his head. Did I go overboard with this matter? It was supposed to be a cheerful evening. But look at me! I just completely ruined it!
"I'm really sorry, Nicholas. I wish I could help you."
"Why are you saying sorry? It's not like you caused them, right! So don't feel guilty over this. It's just that it gets overwhelming sometimes and I..."
Before I could complete, I was engulfed into a tight warm embrace. Caressing my back in a soothing rhythm, he consoled me "that's completely fine, Nick. You should let your emotions take over you sometimes so they won't become fierce on you. If you ever feel overwhelming again, remember I'm here, Chris is here, we all are here to support you no matter what."
Holding him tightly, I finally let my tears fall free, for the very first time in someone else's presence.
I was completely drained with so much emotional discharge and thanks to Felix, I really felt light-hearted. When he left, he made sure that I was completely okay and in a good mood. The evening turned out to be a huge step towards creating a good understanding between us and I don't regret opening up with him.