I came from Bart's office and waited in the reception to fill out some forms as requested. I felt a hand on my shoulder next thing I was smack middle of a firm chest and I froze. I really had no sense of danger right now, not when I still felt so raw about everything.
I had had enough of this drama. I knew it was Tim and I didn't have the energy to face him right then. I pulled back and wanted to walk away what head space was in for this? I wasn't in the right head space for anything these days. I had been involved with a killer because of love? That was a stupid word and it was tiring to think of it. But to call myself stupid for even thinking for a minute I had felt the same seemed a little too Harsh on my heart. For a moment I had become the victim he had wanted me to become, even though the methods were abnormal.
"Venice!" Tim called and is hand found my arm once again. His grip wasn't tight but my feet wouldn't move. His presence was suffocating. I feel like I was back to being sixteen again. Where I was at this man's mercies and I was helpless against him, because I had gotten myself involved with him. I turned to him and forced a friendly smile because I was okay. He needed to see that I was okay.
"Bart told me you're planning on going to see Q. Venice, listen, the more you two interact the more involved you'll be in this mess. Wasn't the evidence Bart gave you enough?" He asked and my hands fell to my sides and my eyes widened before I could stop my reaction.
"You knew what kind of person Q was?" I simply asked and Tim sighed and ran a hand through his face. Why me? Why was I always the stupid most intolerable character in my own life? When I thought I had finally gained control of my life, the people who show me the most kindness, attention and care are the ones who take the little hope and light left in me.
"It was a case that's been ongoing for years and we needed to make sure we had the suspect unsuspicious of us around or even investigating him."
Jesus Christ.
"I was your decoy? I did all the dirty work for you? Guess what Tim, all that evidence is bullshit to me," I say and he let's out an airy laugh and covers his mouth and looked down at me like I was crazy. Bart had had he same expression back there, but it wasn't as intense as this.
"Don't-don't tell me you believed everything that Q told you? Isn't it enough that this guy's committed mass murder he's a serial killer Venice. Look listen to me, talking to him will not bring you any kind of closure or peace, it will make whatever notions you have in your head worse." I could only stare at him, and what he was telling me. He was implying I was crazy. I wasn't crazy! I cold not have fallen for these types of people twice! I wanted to shout all this, but I couldn't. My throat felt painfully dry. Where did all the air go? Why couldn't my arms move? I couldn't stand anymore, was I floating? I couldn't feel anything.
"I'm not crazy-"
"I never said you were, sweetheart, but what this man can do needs to sink in. You're fucking eighteen Venice, you're vulnerable to people like him." He stated and I scoffed.
"Just like I was to you?" His voice dropped lower and he bent down to speak to me face to face.
"I told you, don't make up stories. I did nothing but what you told me to do. You wanted to forget the problems you had during that time. I did, suddenly that makes me the bad guy here? No, I helped you, I made you mine and with me you were safe. Tell me even one moment with me didn't feel safe?" He asked and the worst part of it was that everything was true. But he had scared me. That one act of disobedience had a punishment that scarred me for life.
"I was safe with you." I replied and his smile radiated his face once more.
"Good, I told you. You were more than a distraction to me. Venice, darling, listen. I want to make this right. I know your parents think otherwise, but I now you, you're smart and rational and you'll make the right decisions. When that son of a bitch is behind bars, I want to make things right with us."
"Are we ready to go?" Bart's voice said behind me. I wasn't relieved at his interruption, but it was best Tim and I weren't together for a while. He was just as much of a poison to my head space as Q was to my heart.
* * *
If I could go ack in time, I would tell my sixteen year old self to depend on herself.
I would tell her to stay home that night.
I would tell her don't listen to that handsome man at that club.
I would tell her she was being watched, don't let him near you. Hate him for absolutely no reason if possible.
I would tell her not to let those men poison you, because in the end, you are the one who'd be running mad.
Be happy in any another way, but just...choose yourself.