Like my mom always said "Spes Non-Est Informa" for where there is light there is warmth like no other."
*Do you think of going back sometimes*
Wait huh, whose memories do I see?
My vision is blur.
"Hey Stren, can you hear me?"
"Lidus, is that you?" I asked as my eyes got clearer.
"I guess you fell asleep for too long, big boy."
Big boy? Only, only my dad called me this.
"Dad?" I called as tears fell down my eyes, stretching forth my hand.
It was all blur; I couldn't see them yet but I saw unclear structures in front of me.
"MOM" I called out, stretching my hands as it became clearer.
With every movement, I anticipated.
With every movement it got clearer. Their giggles, their laughs became clearer.
"I am here." She replied me, grabbing my hand. until I could see them, in all contrast, all clarity and beauty they were all here, mom and dad, liaris and standing in the distance was Validus.
"I thought, you guys are…" I was going to complete my words but I didn't want to ruin whatever this is.
It all felt like yesterday where we will all hung out in the backyard and freely talk and play, Liaris will always roll her eyes at Dads tall tales and then a sudden excitation will be left on her face when mom confirms it was in fact the truth. I missed this; I want to stay like this forever
They were all laughing but then they all said in accordance.
"We know we are all gone." Out of the blue.
"Wait what?" I said as my smile slowly contracted. A sudden fear came upon me, were they going to blame me? were they going to curse me? I was afraid my dream will become a nightmare right before my sorry eyes.
"Mom, Dad, I am sorry, I am the reason for this, I should have listened, I should have been more cautious and you Lidus, you spoke nothing but truth but I dotted it all as your opinion, I did what I wanted and now I regret it." I said as tears fell from my eyes as the grief of every decision, I had made, wayed me down.
"We are sorry son." My father said as his smile began to fade.
"If we had chosen to stay in the solitude of the forest, maybe this would have not happened." My mom said as she let out a sober smile, unable to look at me.
"You loved, you harbored a beautiful feeling and we are proud of you. We are sorry we had to leave you all alone, we didn't stand up for ourselves when the humans threatened us, we didn't notice the corning smile of the humans we lived and boasted amongst." My father said with a down casted look.
No this is all my fault.. They shouldn't feel like this.
"NO!" I Raised my voice as they explained. "This was all my doing, this was me, I am the sole cause, mom, Dad, I am sorry, I should have listened to Lidus, I shouldn't have boasted of this one human before my own blood, I am sorry." I said as tears began pouring heavily from my eyes. My hands shook as I let out a sorrowful mourn.
"My child, how do you expect to not make the same decisions as us when we paved the way? what us your parents did once, you only repeated it, you my child are not in the wrong." My mother said as she hugged me in tears, calming down.
"We are of separate Mind, but we live on in you but we don't want the same thing, I and your mom want peace but…." My dad said as they both looked to the side and there my brother sat faced down.
I knew I needed to talk to my brother, after all, I owe him every apology my existence and sober heart can birth.
"Lidus? Brother? Why have thou not looked at me once since my arrival?" I said leaving the presence of my parents, sniveling, my eyes red and mouth salty, I needed my brother to forgive me.
"I will not look at a Traitor, I will not look at someone who brought shame unto our name." His voice stern and brazen.
I couldn't say a word, my chest felt the pressure of his words, triggering the water works again.
"what do you want me to say Lidus?" I said to him in all hopelessness. My words I could see held no weight to his Reason and silent anger.
"You did this." Lidus said as the scenery changed, it was the night we all died and he was standing there with blood dripping from every part of his body
The peaceful serenity immediately changed into a nightmare.
"Lidus?" I called him in desperate attempt to understand what was happening.
"You made us all bleed; we are all dead because you refused to listen." He said as he looked at me with eyes filled with rage and disgust, in his eyes I could see I was like a stranger who had done something absolutely vile towards him.
"Lidus, I am…." I tried to beg but then.
"Do not call my name, I am not your brother, not after you have killed me, not after all you have done, I know I showed you the right way, I literally did all to show you these mudded streets are not as innocent as they seemed, I did all I can, I even showed you at some point the true colors of this one you so genuinely chose, I did all this, to save you but you chose yourself and that Demoness over us." He lashed out in anger.
"Ahhhhhhhh!!!!" I shouted in confusion and pain. "What do you want me to say?" I replied Raising my voice. " I know but please forgive me ?"
"I have sang that song tirelessly at your door. I am dead, I am here to rest, will you not welcome me?" I said as his silence swallowed the room we stood.
"Then will you seek revenge?" He asked standing in front of me. I am the reason this all happened, I am the reason my brother is covered in an aura so dark its chocking but Revenge?
"Lidus, our father and mother want peace, who are we to decide for them? It happened, you saw my pent-up anger also surface but now, its time to stop." I said as my tone softened.
"Is that all this is, revenge, did you think I will sit still and let them get away with the words they said against our own mother talk less of how they killed them. Yet you say revenge? I have always wanted it; this is not a question Lidus"
I stretched forth my hands to his but before our hands could touch, I heard Dad's voice.
"Do not be so quick to choose, do not be so quick to take on a weight that will destroy you." He said as the scene changed back to our backyard, Lidus wasn't there. At this point of serenity my tears became a river, I knew I had caused so much harm but I was hoping for something else.
"We forgive you, in fact we never had any grudge against you for any reason. You know mistakes were made, and we aren't like the humans but all our lives we have been running from even our own kind so let's just say sooner or later we knew we would answer for all of this." He said as he sighed and then they both came to sit beside me.
"Don't choose a path that was never you, remember we all live inside your heart, we will guide you and share opinions with you but it's still all up to you. Revenge will not make you better than your enemies it will only signify you are no different from them." He said patting my head as mom pats my back.
"I understand but I am also dead am I not?" I said as I sniveled with sorrowful eyes.
"No, you are not, I mean I can hear your heart beat and so can you." They said as their voices slowly mellowed and the sound of my heart became more and more audible.
"HUH.?" I said as my consciousness was being transported from this warm place in my dream to this cold place that was so uncomfortable It was like I was suffocating. I could feel my limps and my body but it was hard to move, I know this place and I am familiar with this scent, I can smell water and soil, I am not dead like they said.
Then it came back running. I was in a cave, I survived, I am not dead, I'm alive but my eyes were closed, and I felt weight on me, like something was on top of me.