Semiel thought about talking to him, about getting close like before. He remembered all those times when a dumb joke or a random line was enough to bring them back together. But now… what was he supposed to say? What could he do with everything he felt but couldn't give?
He lay down on the bed, eyes on the distant city lights. He saw them without really seeing. His mind was stuck on the last time they talked.
...
—You good? —David's voice pulled him out of the memory. The psych guy had a habit of showing up right when the silence started to hurt.
—Yeah. Just… needed some air.
Semiel had asked David to meet him at the park to talk about everything going on.
David nodded. He didn't push. Just sat beside him, looking out at the city too.
—There were more silences than usual today —he said after a bit.
—Yeah —Semiel replied, voice barely there.
David stayed quiet, like he was thinking whether to say more.
—Saval still loves you, you know? —he said eventually— Just… doesn't know how.
Semiel dropped his head. Let out a small, joyless laugh through his nose.
—Love's not always enough.
—No. It's not. But it doesn't just go away either.
—Then what do you do with it?
David took his time answering, like the question weighed too much.
—You keep it. You breathe through it. I guess you just… learn to live with it.
Semiel closed his eyes for a moment. Took a deep breath. He wished it were easier. He wished he hadn't felt so much at the beach. Wished he hadn't felt anything at all. But he couldn't regret what he said. It was real. Every word. Every beat.
—Ever happened to you? —he asked, not looking at him.
David hesitated, then said:
—Yeah. A while ago. Still hurts. But it's a different kind of hurt now.
Semiel wanted to believe him. Really. But right now, it just hurt too much.
—Thanks —he said before heading home.
The living room felt emptier than usual. His dad was asleep in his room.
Semiel felt his chest tighten when he thought about Saval. He wanted to sit next to him again. To lean on his shoulder. But he couldn't bring himself to.
He went to his room, not knowing what to do. Everything felt off. Even the blanket on top of him felt heavy—like it was pretending to be calm.
He kept checking his phone, hoping for a message. Nothing. Nothing from Saval.
Semiel stayed silent. Watching the shadows on the wall. The way the streetlight slipped through the half-closed curtains. Everything had this gray tint to it.
Only one thought circled in his head then—something he wanted to scream at Saval.
I wanna be with you without it hurting that I love you and you don't love me back.
That was the last thing he thought before he finally managed to sleep.
….
When he ran into David again, they ended up grabbing coffee and talking.
—You get any sleep?
—Not really.
David handed him a cup.
—It's strong. Like everything that hurts.
Semiel smiled. Grateful.
—Thanks.
—You'll get through it —David said. Not like a promise. More like a hope.
—I hope so too.
David looked at him for a few more seconds, then left, the smell of coffee still hanging in the air.
Semiel got up, stretched a little, and walked to the window. Outside, the day was
starting. Like every other day. Like nothing had happened. Like it didn't hurt.
But it did.
And that was part of moving on too.