The rest of the semester flew by in a blur. With the Earl's help, Cohen breezed through the DLC Edward had made—a side story about an underground city (Menzoberranzan). In it, Cohen met a drow girl… and then ate her brain.
The Earl got a kick out of it too. He'd finally found true love in a virtual world—though Cohen figured it was probably because the magical, level-14 female owl in the game was programmed to "instantly fall for any male owl that shows up."
"You can't separate us!"
The day before leaving school, while Cohen was packing his bags, the Earl clung to the display case, refusing to let go with his wings.
"I love her! I still need to catch underground voles for her…"
"You can fool your buddies, but don't fool yourself," Cohen said, shaking his head. "It's just a game. That owl isn't real."
"But she called me 'darling'!" the Earl wailed dramatically. "Whether she's virtual or not doesn't matter anymore!"
"2D love is wild," Cohen muttered, clicking his tongue. "But you're in my way. I've got to pack—we're leaving tomorrow."
"Promise me you won't delete this save file…" the Earl pleaded.
"Now you're pushing it. If you want me to get you a real female owl, just say it. No need to overact like this," Cohen said. "Besides, I'm planning to play a good guy in my second run."
"So you're saying yes?" The Earl instantly dropped the pitiful act.
"Next time, maybe."
Cohen wasn't too keen on keeping a regular owl. Creatures without special talents didn't belong in the suitcase—they'd just end up as snacks for Norbert or the sheep-pigs.
The end-of-term exams went smoothly, no surprises there. Cohen kept up his steady streak of good grades—though his Defense Against the Dark Arts score dipped a bit from last year. Hermione had gone overboard on the essay questions, and Cohen, being lazy, skipped copying one of her answers.
Harry and Ron, thanks to three nights of desperate cramming, managed decent marks too. Their good vibes lasted all the way to boarding the Hogwarts Express.
Harry, Cohen, Hermione, and Ron snagged a compartment together. Harry, though, started doubting whether he'd even be allowed back home.
"After what happened last summer…" Harry said, "I've got a feeling the Dursleys might take drastic measures."
"Cheer up! Maybe they'll just lock you out completely," Ron said. "I mean, then you could crash at Cohen's place—or mine, if you want."
"I was gonna invite you too, but knowing my parents, if a girl brought a guy home to stay…" Hermione sighed. "You don't wanna see that."
"If only they'd really keep me out…" Harry groaned. "I'd rather sleep on the street or in a park."
When the train pulled into the station, Harry was bummed to see the Dursleys waiting for him. Apparently, they were still willing to take him back.
Edward was the only one there to pick up Cohen—Rose was probably at work.
Edward loaded Cohen's luggage into the car.
"How'd the semester go? No more attacks or anything?" Edward asked as he got Cohen settled in. "The other kids didn't figure out about those basilisks, right—I mean the one called Sissoko?"
"Harry and them know—I told them," Cohen said. "But they don't care about the half-blood stuff. We've got a half-giant friend, after all."
"Good to hear," Edward said, relieved. "I didn't dare ask about it in letters. Didn't want your friends seeing and getting the wrong idea…"
"Oh, right!" Edward perked up after starting the car. "You mentioned wanting to visit Grandma's place last time. We were actually planning to go spend some time with her soon—keep her from turning into… well, your grandpa."
Cohen had brought it up around Christmas, and it was definitely on his summer to-do list. He'd hang out there until his birthday, then join that "Fwooper Tracking Expedition" Luna had recommended.
Summer was for fun—homework could go jump off a cliff. Cohen wasn't about to lift a quill.
"We'll head straight there through the Floo Network after we get home. Super easy," Edward said. "Rose is tied up right now. That old guy's gone missing for good, and the Muggle police issued a death certificate. She's scrambling to find a new editor to take his spot. Oh, and your mom got a promotion recently! Once this busy stretch is over, she'll probably settle into a cushy boss life."
"Being the boss is the best—squeeze the employees dry and let me live the rich-kid dream," Cohen said, satisfied. "How big's Grandma's house? Any wizards nearby?"
"Wizards?" Edward shook his head. "Coombefort's got none. It's a Muggle town. Your grandparents were both Muggle-born witches and wizards."
"So it's the family home?" Cohen asked. "Grandpa's or Grandma's?"
"Grandma's," Edward said, reminiscing. "Your grandpa put in a ton of effort chasing her. From what Aunt Martha told me, he was always buzzing around her at school, practically her personal house-elf. She finally gave in and married him because she couldn't stand it anymore."
"Simps make up for the fact that Muggle-born wizards rarely get house-elves," Cohen said, nodding wisely. "But since Grandpa was broke, he wasn't just a simp—he was a freeloader too."
"A what-now?" Edward had a hunch about what the term meant… and it felt vaguely aimed at him.
"Like, someone who just coasts by?"
"Something like that," Cohen said.
"Look, I don't get along with him, but we can't judge things that simply," Edward said, correcting him. "Basing it all on who owns the property and calling one side a freeloader ignores the effort people put in. It's not that black-and-white—"
"Here's an example: me and your mom. She's out there making the money, while I'm at home doing chores and keeping you entertained. Then you grow up, look at the family income sheet, and go, 'Oh wow, Mom earned 99% of it, Dad only brought in 1%—Dad's a freeloader!'" Edward said. "Is that fair? I've put a lot into this family over the years…"
"Right?"
Cohen blinked a few times in the rearview mirror.
"You little…"
Edward sighed.
"You old…"
Cohen shook his head.
"Looks like you're both freeloaders," the Earl piped up cleverly from the back seat.
"Shut it, dumb bird," Cohen and Edward snapped in unison.
(End of Chapter)