After school, I'm at Adria's way too early. She's tearing her room apart in a panic and I'm just… waiting for it to end when it hasn't even started yet. I'm not excited. Not nervous. Not hopeful. But I know I am. Which is even more sickening. Adria is mid-meltdown, surrounded by clothes and half-used hair products.Makeup palettes open. Hair tools everywhere.
" Two hours. Two freaking hours and I have nothing to wear, and I look like a disaster!" she shrieks. "My room is a mess, my hair is gross, and I have no idea what to wear!"
""Breathe You're doing it all wrong," I say calmly, "Just play some music, okay?"
She stares at me like I've lost my mind. "How is music gonna help anything?"
"Just trust me."
She gives me a tight-lipped, panicked smile. I sit her down, swipe some subtle makeup across her face just enough to make her glow and hand her a soft-knit sweater and denim skirt combo cute, casual, breathable in case she starts sweating through panic By that time she's already relaxed and we're vibing to the music. I love this moment it's just us being girls. I leave the silver pins in her hair from school, tousle the ends and voila.
"Oh my God, I look perfect."
"I know," I say. "It's hard being this good."
She rolls her eyes and throws a pillow at me.
"Now, you fix this war zone while I go get a quick snack snack"
She points at me. "Don't even think about sneaking off."
"Me??? Sneak off???. What?? Pftttt" I fake gasp "How dare you accuse me of something so predictable."
"Will you stop thinking about it" she says laughing
"Will you stop reading my mind"
She laughs.
Downstairs, I'm rifling through her pantry when her mom rushes out the door.
"Bye, Leah! I'm off. Tell Adria I've gone. Have fun!"
"Bye!" I call after her.
I barely notice the door creak open again I assume it's her mom.
"Did you forget something?" I call.
A pause. Then a voice I wasn't prepared for.
"Uh… I don't think so? Or, wait, were you talking to me?"
I freeze.
Nate walks into the kitchen, awkward smile and all. Then Brian steps in behind him, hands in pockets, looking like sin and bad decisions. The air snaps.
"How did you even get in?" I ask, flat.
"Through the door," Brian shrugs
Of course. Of course it's him. Just great.
"Adria's mom let us in she's really nice by the way," Nate adds, trying to soften the tension.
"Oh Cool," I say, the silence deafening my feet are already backing toward the stairs. "I'll just go get Adria."
Bad idea, terrible idea, need to leave right now
Upstairs, I slam the door shut.
"What happened?" Adria asks, eyes wide.
"Zombie invasion. Pack your bags. We will have to jump
"What?"
"No time," I say, opening the window. "If we jump now, we might break an ankle, but nothing fatal. I'll go first."
"Leah!"
"What?"
"You promised you wouldn't run!"
"Did I?"
She glares.
"Ugh," I groan. "Why did I agree to this nightmare?"
"Because you love me," she says, half-laughing.
"Right. That" I say flatly
I sigh and look at her. "How do you feel?"
"Nervous"
I nod. "You look amazing."
"Thanks." She smiles and walks out.
I follow slowly, taking one breath, then another. This is gonna suck.
Downstairs, Nate and Brian are laughing about something. Brian laughing. I hate how I miss it so much.
I head to the kitchen to find something to distract myself, to numb the nausea creeping up my throat.
"Hey," a voice says behind me.
I nearly drop the glass.
"Gosh Brian, do you mind?"
"Someone's jumpy," he says, eyes scanning my face.
" I'm not jumpy" I say defensively
"Whatever you say" he says shrugging
He doesn't back off. "I wanted to talk. About the project. I should've handled things better."
" Yh you should have, especially bringing up Erin when he had nothing to do with the project"
His jaw tightens. "That's a different conversation entirely."
"Yh it is. But you keep bringing it up for a weird reason"
"I'm not" he says defensively
"You do, besides I don't understand why it's bothers you so much anyway. you of all people should know how to hurt someone and walk away! You did it. And now you can't take a taste of your own medicine?"
We're yelling now. My heart's thudding, hot and fast.
His voice breaks, angry and desperate. "You really think I wanted to leave?"
I stare at him. He's trembling not from fear, but something else. Guilt. Maybe.
"No no no no no no no no NO!!!" I say my voice rising
"I'm not doing this anymore, I don't want to hear your hints and disappearing acts just to leave me hanging to fill up the blanks No!!, I don't think anything brian because you never explain!"
"You don't get to mess with me like this. Not again."
I say suddenly storming out of the kitchen before he can say a word. But he grabs me
" Wait" he says
I cut him, snatching my arm away "No stop, I don't wanna hear it. I really don't. Brian I'm done. I'm sick and tired of carrying all this hate. It's exhausting, I don't even know what I'm angry about but I do know I'm angry. I'm done. Just leave me alone."
I reach for the door
"Leah, wait!" Adria's voice cuts through, chasing me.
I ignore her. Twist the doorknob.
Then I feel her hand on my arm. "Leah, please."
I yank away spinning around "You knew. The real study date was for I and Brian. Gosh I'm such a fool"
Her face crumples. "We didn't know it'd go this far. I thought… I thought it would fix things. I didn't know it would go like this"
"We just wanted..."
We??" My voice cuts through her sentence. "So I'm the topic of discussion now? There's nothing to fix. I'm not broken. I asked you for one thing ... You go ahead and plan this. You manipulated me, Adria. You betrayed me. You chose them over me"
I turn and walk out the door. And for the first time in weeks, I feel light. Free.
But just as I'm halfway down the porch, the door behind me flies open
"Blue, wait….."
I freeze.
My fists clench at my sides.
I turn, eyes burning.
"Don't. Don't call me that."
Brian's frozen mid-step.
"You lost the right to that name when you left."
I say then leave
I didn't go home immediately
I just walk around going nowhere clearing my head and I feel good actually. I'm just so done with the whole cycle it's getting depressing at this point.