*Nicoli*
"Your Majesty! Please wait-" Thomas's voice cracked like an old kettle whistling, wheezing with every desperate breath. His slick shoes slapped against the hardwood floor, his thinning hair flopping with every step. But the balding manservant was yet to give in. Thomas was not a runner. He hated physical exertion of any kind. So his diligence was something to commend.
If it wasn't for the sole reason that Nicoli knew he was sent to spy on them—no doubt on secret orders from his mother.
Nicoli gritted his teeth in frustration.
God, he is persistent. But he wasn't going to let Thomas any closer.
No way. Nicoli already had enough problems, and he wouldn't add Thomas to the list. So he sped up a little more, pushing his feet harder into the red runner as he tugged her along. Cutting sharply around another corner and making the giant queen giggle behind him.
"This is fun!" Hidi's peridot eyes sparkled with delight, her giant form bounding after him with a grace that didn't match her size. A nearby tapestry flapped as she brushed past it, her laughter echoing off the high stone walls. "I love a game of tag, ja?"
Nicoli almost choked, "Tag?" Is that what she thought they were doing? Like this was for fun? Nicoli fought the urge to turn around, wanting to correct her, but in the end, he just let it go. He found it would be too long to explain what with running in the middle of a hallway.
And she might not even listen.
Let her think what she wanted. He only cared if they kept moving faster than Thomas. Nicoli wasn't going to argue. And it looked like they were, surprisingly.
His bedroom door was in sight, just ahead. They were mere moments away from getting inside and safe. But Thomas wasn't giving up. He was gaining momentum now that it was a straight shot in the hall. Nicoli felt a slight shock of panic rush through him as he could feel the walls closing in.
Would they get there before Thomas?
As if he knew he was gaining on them, Thomas pressed even faster, desperate to make it to them.
"Your Majesty!?" Thomas called again just before the sharp cry ripped through the hall. Something tumbled and thudding loud before a sharp groan of pain followed. Curious, Nicoli dared a glance behind his shoulder to see what happened.
A flood of relief washed over him when he saw Thomas on the floor. He forgot about the hidden bump in the runner and tripped. What a lucky break for them! Nicoli could almost cheer until he heard Thomas begin to push himself up.
Damn it, he was determined!
Thomas reached out, struggling to get back to his feet with a wince, his face red and sweaty. "Please, let me assist-" But he was too late. They were at the door. Nicoli had won this round.
A rush of triumph spread through Nicoli's chest as his hand shot for the doorknob. He immediately whipped Hidi in behind him before shouting back. His face broke into a satisfied grin of victory.
"Bye Thomas!" Nicoli slammed the door with a pleasing whap–right into Thomas's face. Shaking the very door frame in its wake.
A muffled cry followed urgent knocking from the other side of the door. Thomas tried to plead with desperation, but they were ignored. There was no way Nicoli was going to let that man into his room if he had a choice.
And it was apparent that Thomas realized it soon enough, judging by the not-so-hidden curses directed towards him through the wooden barrier. He clearly hated being outed by a nine-year-old.
In the end, the knocking stopped with a resigned sigh from the other side.
"Very well, but I will be outside," the disgruntled voice mumbled through the door. Then, a sound of feet dragged across the wood floor, growing fainter until silence settled.
Fine by me. Thomas was gone. Not forever—Nicoli wasn't naïve enough to think he'd gotten rid of him for good—but for now, the room was his.
One less problem for me. He exhaled slowly, only then realizing he'd been holding his breath. His shoulders dropped an inch. The tension didn't vanish, but it eased just enough to let his excitement take over.
Hidi was here. Finally, he could talk to her, really talk to her—and ask about Ana.
Just the thought lit something in him. His chest fluttered, like his heart had jumped at the chance before the rest of him caught up. A quick burst of warmth spread through his chest, pushing back the cold edge that had gripped him since they arrived.
Ana. Even her name brought light. Just thinking about his sister did that. Ana was all-consuming. But in a good way. She was bright, sharp, a force that made everything else feel smaller. Melt away.
She could be the escape he needed. And he needed an escape more than ever.
He stepped deeper into the room, but the burst of energy faded almost as fast as it had come. He stood still, unsure of what to do with his hands. The silence pressed in around him.
And then the quiet brought it all back. His breath caught. The cold of the floorboards seemed to rise through his feet. Cold like what was happening between his parents.
It was still happening. Nicoli stilled, remembering the cold greeting his mother gave his father and the strained tone in his voice as he tried to be cheerful despite the chilly welcome, even asking for a hug.
A hug which never came.
Nicoli couldn't bring himself to give him a hug, and that hurt him. He regretted not doing it. He wanted to go to him, hug him, and talk to him. Part of him still did. This was his father. He loved him.
No, he loved both of them, Mom and Dad. But what was happening, he couldn't explain. It just made him confused.
He couldn't do it, and it ate at him, especially when he remembered the shock in his father's face. The way he had looked at him, his eyes growing slightly dark, as his arms held out to nothing but air. Expecting and receiving nothing. Nicoli had to run away, unable to bring himself to say no. But it cut through him all the same.
Did that hurt him? Nicoli's gut clenched tight. When he refused? He didn't want to hurt his father. But then, why did his father hurt his mother?
No, it didn't feel right. None of this did. He couldn't hug him. Because if he did, somehow, that would be like betraying her mother. And he couldn't think to ever do that.
This strange fight they were having was different from the others. It was darker, going on for far longer than any of the others, and affecting everyone. After Nicoli saw how much she cried that day after the letter, things just didn't sit right anymore with him. Everything was strange, and tight, like holding a breath.
Nicoli felt like he needed to. He had to hold something fragile together. It was important that he do it. Because with his father–
His father wasn't a bad man. He wasn't cruel. Nicoli knew that. Yet his mother was hurt, hurt in some deeper way he couldn't understand, and it wasn't getting better.
She was in pain. Pain she was trying to hide, but he could see it. Mother's careful persona would slip if he watched long enough. A strained look of pain and then a short shudder of breath. Her grey eyes would darken like the clouds covering the blue skies. Growing slightly colder each time.
Mother still smiled for him, still kept her voice cheerful and sweet. But Nicoli was seeing more and more of the act now. She wasn't okay. And Nicoli wanted it to stop. But to stop it. It was like he had to make some invisible choice he didn't want.
To pick between them. And he couldn't help but feel his father was to blame.
Why did he have to? Nicoli couldn't help but feel a little mad about it. He shouldn't have to make such choices between his own parents, feeling like he had to stand by only one.
Leave one and support the other. Love one and distance himself from the other. His mother's crying face was back in his mind again, how she screamed with such anger. Such pain. How she'd be all alone if he didn't pick her.
Because his father has already picked –
No. Not that. Not Ana.
Nicoli swallowed hard.
He didn't blame her. He couldn't even if Mother cried more when she mentioned her. Even if she looked at him like he should understand something awful every time Ana's name came up.
He loved Ana. That was the one thing that didn't feel confusing. Ana wasn't the reason this was happening.
Whatever choice Father made… it wasn't her fault.
Nicoli took a deep breath. No more of this. He didn't want to think about it. It hurt too much.
He needed a distraction. Something good.
Let's think about Ana. Yes, that was always good. He could find everything out.
With that, Nicoli turned.
"Hidi," Nicoli started, sapphire eyes sparkling, ""Tell me everything about your time with—wait, where'd you go?" His voice trailed off, finding the spot Hidi was just standing in, now empty. The giant was already wandering around his room.
"So this is your room? " Hidi looked around the space curiously, her heels sinking into the plush rugs as she stole deeper. Peridot eyes scanned the bookshelves, noting the titles before lifting her gaze. Her large finger stroked one of the spines before she scuffed gently.
"I assumed you didn't like to read." Her tone lingered, implying something that made Nicoli rile up a little. Was she saying he was stupid?
"Of course I read." Nicoli puffed, offended before simmering a bit. "Well, maybe not as much as Ana, but- No, that's not the point-" He waved his hands.
How were they already getting sidetracked? No, he wanted to talk about Ana. That was the whole point of why he wanted to see her. Hidi was in Nocthen. She was there with Ana.
He wanted to know everything she saw.
He needed to. "Hidi, tell me about Ana-" But the giant was going off again, distracted and distracting him. She pulled out a book to start leafing through the pages.
"All these books are about bears?" She lifted her head with a curious tilt. "Do you like bears?"
"Do I–yeah, I do," Nicoli answered, but again realized they were doing it again. Stop and focus. "But that's not what I want to talk about. Tell me about Ana-"
"I could get you one."
Nicoli blinked. She could what?
Hidi pressed the book back before opening another. "Almony has many bears." She thumbed through the pages, pausing on an illustration with a slight interest. "We keep them for pets or have them stuffed," she said, like one might talk about a pair of socks.
"Stuffed?" Nicoli asked, horrified. "But that would be killing it."
Hidi blinked up, face neutral. "Yes. Like pillows. Very warm. Good for winter naps." She went so easily, as if that were simply stating the weather.
Her lack of reaction, or rather, care, set a shiver down Nicoli's spine. "But that's mean." Just to kill an animal because it had nice fur. How could anyone- Wait, that's not important. She was pulling the conversation entirely off topic.
Nicoli marched over to snatch the book out of her hands.
"Tell me about Ana first, and then we can talk about this stuff." He didn't care what they did after. As long as he knew Ana was okay. How was she doing? Something.
Hidi huffed, a bit disappointed, something like annoyance flashing over her eyes. Like she wasn't used to people telling her what to do, her green eyes stared down at him, making Nicoli feel the height difference between them. She was bigger. He was smaller.
But this was his room. So it should be his rules. And he wanted to know. He didn't care if she thought he was pushy. He needed something real—someone who remembered Ana the way he did. Someone who'd seen her smile. Right now, that mattered more than anything.
He kept his stare firm on hers. Challenging her, showing he meant it.
The giant shifted her jaw a moment, again, that flash of something like annoyance across her features. But in the end her shoulders drooped. Her grin was back on and her tone was playful once more.
"Fine, we can talk. But let me have a sit—" Hidi's face brightened as she spotted the canopy bed. "So cute," she abruptly pivoted on her heel to march over to take up a seat.
"You humans have such small beds. Like a doll." She smirked, eyes glinting with mischief, like she already knew how the words would land.
"A doll?" Nicoli almost scoffed. No, she was just impossibly big. But he let it go, sighing. It was easier just to give in than to argue right now, and he wanted to get straight to it.
Pushing her pink dress aside to make a spot, he took a seat, eager to begin.
Nicoli took a breath, steadying himself. His chest felt tight, like he'd been holding back the question for hours, maybe days. "Alright, now, tell me about Ana." he was direct and to the point. "How is she? When can she write ?"
Hidi raised a blond eyebrow curiously. "She'd be the same, I think. Though I explained this in my last letter, no?" Her head tilted. "Did you not get it?"
"Did I—" Nicoli stalled, the memory catching up to him. He had watched it happen—watched from behind the secret passage as Julia, trembling under his mother's furious cries, dropped the letter into the hearth. Flames devoured the bundle before he could move. His mother had been in hysterics, inconsolable over something he couldn't even understand. And Nicoli, frozen in the dark, could barely console himself over the sight—over the loss of Hidi's letter.
"There were some difficulties," he finally said, the words dry in his mouth. "It…got damaged beyond readability." A gentle lie, considering the truth.
Hidi pouted with a soft hum.
"Sorry to hear that." She seemed generally upset by it. But just as quickly, her head snapped up, and her smile sharpened. "I bet it was that maid's fault. She did something wrong," she waved her large hand dismissively.
" I don't understand why your sister keeps such poor help. I would have gotten rid of her long ago."
"Gotten rid of who?" Nicoli perked up at the mention."Does she work for Ana? Who is she?" he asked, the words tumbling out too fast. He hadn't even known Ana had a maid—how had he missed that? Why hadn't Ana written about her? He didn't know any of this. Ana barely wrote about home. She didn't reveal much about what her life was like in detail. It was all the more reason why he needed Hidi. She could tell him everything Ana never did.
Hidi was his eyes in a place he couldn't get to.
Nicoli leaned closer to take her hands. His looked almost childish compared to her bigger ones, but he gripped them desperately.
"Tell me, please." He went again, cutting off their usual banter. This was important. His chance to get inside Ana's world when she was so far away right now.
"That-" Hidi paused, looking down at his hands before her cheeks turned pink. Something shifted in her expression, almost like surprise, and something else that made her soften.
Her hands shifted to lock fingers with his.
"This is nice, ja? Us together?" She looked up to him, her eyes growing warm with some hidden meaning. Her fingers wrapped around his, unexpectedly warm and solid. His skin prickled—was it embarrassment? Discomfort? He didn't know.
He just needed her to talk.
"Nice, what?" Was she talking about holding hands? Nicoli blinked, unsure. But just as quickly, he shook his head.
"Come on, you have to tell me."Nicoli pressed, sharper this time, voice taut with frustration. "You saw her. You have to tell me, please, Hidi."
It's you or father, but Nicoli felt his stomach turn at the idea. His feelings about him are still a mess. He wasn't even sure if he could talk to him right now. It felt wrong.
I can't. So that only meant he had one other option.
Nicoli curled his fingers around Hidi's, though it took effort—her hand was broader, stronger, almost like holding a branch instead of a hand. Still, he didn't let go.
"Hidi, I'm counting on you," he said, more fiercely this time, his voice tight. "Please."
"You are counting on me?" Hidi sat up, a small, delighted laugh escaping her lips. She fluttered her lashes with mock innocence. "Me?"
Nicoli resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Barely. "Yes, so please—"
"Okay," Hidi beamed, chin tilting upward as if he'd just knighted her. Her green eyes lit up, her cheeks pinking like she'd been handed a crown. "I'll tell you everything."Great, then—?" Nicoli leaned in, heart skipping.
But Hidi turned away, plumping the pillows instead.
"It's cute, but a rather small bed," she remarked, stroking the velvet blankets with an absent sweep. "The next one will surely be big enough to fit four of you."
She giggled at her own comment.
Nicoli blinked. What the hell?
No. She's just being weird. Ignore her.
Nicoli shook off the strange comment. "Anyway, as you say?"
"Perhaps you should send for some snacks," Hidi murmured, kicking off her heels. They clattered over the rugs as she reclined, spreading herself out like a cat in the sun.
Nicoli frowned. "Snacks?"
"Yes. I'm hungry."
"You're hungry?" he echoed, incredulous. "Now?"
Hidi nodded, stretching out fully and lifting her foot lazily. "You don't expect me to talk after such a long journey, do you?"
"Hidi—" His patience frayed like a thread being tugged. She was doing this on purpose, and he knew it. Dangling the one thing he needed like it was a prize in a carnival game.
But she was also the only person he could ask.
He gritted his teeth. "Fine. I'll send for snacks. But after that—"
"And tea," Hidi added sweetly, giving her toes a contented wiggle. "With heavy cream, if you please."
"You—" Nicoli rubbed at his brow, the pressure behind his eyes building. "You're not serious."
Hidi didn't even blink. "Very."
He groaned. Of course she is.
Fine. If getting her to talk meant bribing her like a child, so be it. "Yes. I'll get you tea. But after that—"
"Oh, but first," Hidi yawned and stretched luxuriously, "I think I'll nap."
"Hidi!" Nicoli shot to his feet. "If you aren't going to talk, I swear I'll kick you out."
"Before I can even tell you about Ana?"
"That—" He stopped. Damn it. She had him and she knew it.
"Fine," he hissed, dropping back into his seat with a thump. "But just until the food gets here."
"Ja." Hidi curled onto her side, snuggling into the pillow with an exaggerated sigh. The bed groaned under her weight, sounding dangerously close to giving in.
"I have so much to tell you, Nicoli." Hidi teased before digging her head into the pillow to breathe in. Her eyes opened slightly with surprise. "You smell so nice. Like smoke and something cold."
Nicoli froze. Ana had said something like that once. But hearing it now, from Hidi, with her voice half-lidded and dreamy—it made his skin crawl.
"Er… thanks?" he said, not sure what else he could possibly say.
Whatever. He didn't have time to untangle that.
"I'll go send for the snacks," he muttered, moving toward the door.
Undoubtedly, Thomas will be thrilled to be the one delivering them. Another problem on my already full list.
As he left, Hidi called after him, voice sugary:
"Take your time," Hidi giggled, burrowing deeper into the pillows. her large arms hugging it closer. "I'm in no rush."
She giggled again, the sound muffled in the cushions. Nicoli hesitated, one hand on the doorknob. He didn't like how comfortable she looked.
Not at all. But he left all the same.
*Hidi*
No rush, indeed. Ha!
The door barely closed before Hidi straightened with a decisive, almost defiant snap. The bed creaked beneath her, releasing the faint, heady scent of cedar wood. A small, almost satisfying crack echoed in the frame. She didn't care if she'd just broken something. A simple thing, easily fixed. She could buy him a new bed.
But right now, there was no room for anything else. This was her moment.
She was in his room. His. How lucky for her.
With a soft, girlish giggle, she kicked her legs in quick succession, each swing causing a light rustle in the thick bedspread, the fabric whispering against the mattress. The excitement bubbled inside her, warm and effervescent, filling the space with a sense of pure triumph.
"And it's all thanks to you, Ana." It seemed she had to thank her future sister-in-law once again.
Nicoli has to listen and pay attention to me now. Hidi relished, loving the change. She wasn't chasing after him for attention. He was.
It was all working so well.
"I shall milk this for all it's worth." She had failed the last two times being alone with him. But she learned now.
Oh, yes, she was going to use this chance and drag it out. She was going to make it last.
Because the longer we are together, the better he will learn to like me, and–She kicked her legs again, but this time, a louder creak followed. The bed dipped with a sickening jolt, and Hidi froze for a moment, her hands gripping the plush bedding.
"Uh oh?" Maybe she really just broke the bed?
No… not the bed. Hidi noticed one of the bedposts shifted out of place. A small crack at the seam where it met the main bedframe. It had shifted off the base.
It's not broken, exactly, and maybe she could fix it. It. Hidi leaned over, pressing the post with her hands, planning to just pop it back into place. But something got caught in the middle. Something…blue? Something was inside the small tunnel.
Hidi shifted the pole further to see if there was more. It wasn't just blue. Something tiny and brown was tucked inside.
"It's a toy bear." Hidi pulled the tiny creature out slowly, its limbs loose and delicate in her hands. The bear was hardly bigger than her palm, its brown fur worn in places, the black glass eyes reflecting a dull glint of light. A pale blue ribbon was tied neatly around its neck—but the bow had come loose, slipping to the side. The edges were starting to fray, soft and stringy from being retied too many times.
The size of her hands made it look even smaller, almost helpless. It felt too intimate. Too loved.
Her brow furrowed.
"Why are you in there?" she murmured, peering back into the narrow space like it might explain itself. Nothing else lay hidden. No keepsakes. No scraps of old paper or childhood clutter. Just the bear. Alone. Tucked away like a secret. Like it mattered.
Her fingers turned the toy over with growing care, as if it might whisper something she'd missed. No mark. No emblem. No signature to explain its origin. But it was custom—she knew that much instantly. Someone had made this. Not bought. Made.
Someone he kept. Her stomach twisted, and she hated how quickly the feeling came.
Who gave you to him?
The question hung in her throat, dry and sharp like smoke. Her mind was already rifling through names, possibilities. Was it from Ana? A nursemaid? Some girl from the Academy? Her heart began to beat a little faster, and she hated that too.
She was a queen. She shouldn't care.
But she did.
Because this bear had a history with him. Because someone had already claimed a place in Nicoli's heart before she ever got the chance.
And that made her feel small.
She clenched her jaw, thumb scraping hard against the bear's stitched paw. The blue ribbon mocked her with its careful bow. Pretty. Sweet. Personal. Something he'd hidden—not discarded. Something he chose to keep.
How deeply annoying.
"Whatever," she snapped under her breath, her voice thinner now. "I'll make Nicoli a much better bear. One with real fur and jewels for eyes."
She shoved the toy back, not gently. It caught on the post's edge, and she forced it down harder than necessary.
"He won't need something like you after mine." The words felt hollow even as she said them.
With a quick, final push, she snapped the post back into place. The sound echoed just a bit louder than it should have, piercing the silence of the quiet room.
Because mine will be much better, but the thought slipped, unfinished, as the doorknob turned. Hidi sprang back onto the pillow, lounging with an exaggerated stretch, masking the heat in her cheeks with practiced ease. She was not snooping. Queens did not snoop.
"Oh, you're back?" she said, stifling a yawn, as Nicoli walked in carrying a tray of tea and sweets. Behind him, the bald servant was already trying to wedge his foot through the door.
"Your Majesty, I can serve—"
"We will be fine," Nicoli said curtly, shutting the door in Thomas's face.
"You little—" the servant hissed from behind the wood. Nicoli rolled his eyes, and Hidi caught it, delight flickering in her chest. He didn't like the man. That was funny. Nicoli was adorable when he was annoyed.
He turned back to her, arms full of silver and porcelain, his expression already touched with the familiar weariness she loved to tease.
"Here," he said. "Food and tea."
Hidi straightened, patting the bed beside her with a smile, eager to have him near. Eager to claim a little more of his attention. "Come, sit and have some with—"
But her words snagged. Stuck.
Nicoli's sapphire eyes caught the light as he set the tray down, and in that instant, the ribbon flashed back in her mind—the bear's necktie, tied in that same familiar blue.
That exact shade. That blue.
Was it intentional?
Her heart gave a small, traitorous skip. Something caught in her throat. She hated how unsteady it made her feel.
"Nicoli," she began, the words forming before she could stop them, "that bear. Who gave you—"
She didn't finish. Didn't want to. A flicker of fear, strange and alien, crept under her skin. Because asking meant she cared. And knowing meant someone had been here before her. Someone had mattered. Someone else had mattered.
"A bear?" Nicoli blinked, tilting his head like a curious bird. "Hidi?"
He didn't know. Of course he didn't. She'd found it while he was gone.
She looked away quickly, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "It's nothing."
Just a toy. A small one. Tucked away. Loved.
She sat up, smoothing her dress with more force than necessary, and reached for her plate. Her voice brightened, falsely light. "I was just thinking about how much you'll like my present for your birthday."
"Oh?" Nicoli sat beside her, unaware of the way her body had gone stiff. "And why's that? Is it good?"
"It will be." She blew on her tea, careful not to look at the post behind her. But she felt it. Felt the bear hiding there. Felt her—whoever she was—still pressing into the room with invisible weight. A ghost. A challenge.
And Hidi didn't like being challenged.
Especially not like this.
Because this wasn't her beloved war or battles, she couldn't just swing a pretty axe or shove a sword through someone's chest.
This was Nicoli. The one thing she had to earn. The one space where crowns and bloodlines didn't automatically claim. One's heart was not to be forced. And she hated that. Hated how it made her feel uncertain. Small. Like someone else might win.
Or try to, yes, but Hidi would win in the end. She always did. She always got what she wanted. She was Queen Hildenberg of Almony. The world bent to her whims. It always had. Why should this be any different?
This silly little bear—this girl, this someone who had dared to matter before her—they were just relics. Shadows of a past that had no place in the future she was building.
And the past could be discarded. Crushed underfoot if needed.
Hidi lifted her chin, graceful as ever. Her confidence slid back into place with the practiced ease of a blade slipping into its sheath. Smooth. Controlled. Deadly.
She would make Nicoli hers. It wasn't a matter of if. Only when.
Because how could he not love her?
She was clever. Beautiful. Royal. The better choice in every possible way. She was his future. He just didn't know it yet.
And if someone tried to take that future from her—
Well. Hidi took another sip of tea, her smile honey-sweet, her lashes low.
They'd regret it.
"Why?" she murmured, voice soft as velvet. "Because it's from me, silly."
She smiled again, wider this time. "And I'm always the better choice."