Have I ever told you about me making my own Pottery?
I do that, in the backyard of my Restaurant.
It's a little room filled with natural light and the warm aroma of clay. I'm sitting down on my knees infront of my pottery wheel in the center of the room, surrounded by half-finished ceramics and scattered tools. A ball of clay waits to be shaped, I take out my phone for my Pinterest board inspo.
I feel like I should decor the kitchen with handmade flowers vase, it'll be cute and will add a touch of originality and meaning to it.
"So this is where you are half of the time." Someone said.
I flinched.
Sam leans against the door frame.
"Where were you?" I shouldn't but I ran a lazy trail down the length of his body with my gaze.
He looks worn up.
"I was.." He smacked his lips. "Working."
"Work got you tired." I said.
"Yeah. You said we'd hangout today."
Oh I completely forgot! I did asked him to come, I needed help with my brunch preparations.
"Yeah I needed your help with some preparations." I said, awkward grinning.
"Sure"
"Give me five, let me wrap this up real quick." I rushed my words.
I'm covered in clay stains. My apron is all muddy and I've got my hair up in a messy bun. It may also be on my face that I can't see.
"It looks cool." He looked over at a nearby shelf which displays an assortment of colorful, quirky mugs and bowls, I made.
"What?"
"The thing you're making. It looks pretty." He smiled.
My vase? Uh oh, blush Alert.
"Really? Do you want to try, too?" I said, petting the ground. "Take a seat" why am I smiling so hard. Its only pottery.
"But I don't know how to." He sat down next to me.
"It's okay, I'll show you how." I said, grabbing a ball of moldy clay. "You put some clay on the wheel-" I see he's just looking. "Do it." I elbow him.
"Oh was I suppose to do that?" He blinked.
"Yeah you." I laugh.
He placed some clay on the wheel. "What now?" He asked. He's cute when he's confused.
"You use your hands to make a sculpture of your choice while the wheel spins." I instruct him.
"How am I supposed to mold it when it's spinning?"
"That's the technique!" I say "It takes years to learn it."
"okay, make it rotate, I'll give it a try." He said, nodding.
The way he's concentrating is actually adorable, Ugh who am I kidding, it's more than kind of cute.
I mean, I always used to think he'll grow up to be cold. Turns out I was wrong.
I'm glad I'm wrong.
"Like this?" He asked me, his attention completely diverted on the mold.
"Yeah you're doing good." I give him a consoling smile.
But as soon as it starts to spin, it gets him startled making it all go splashing onto us and we both get smudged by it.
"It's getting everywhere!" He yelled "make it stop!" He's covering his face not realising his hands were covered in clay too, just a second ago.
I laugh at his reaction. Dirt adorns his cheek.
"Bro it scared me to death!" He placed his hand on his heart, pretending to have a heartattack.
"Don't be dramatic." I roll my eyes as I laugh.
"Dramatic? Did you see how it moved!" He says, "It was pure terror!"
I laugh again. "Oh please! It wasn't that bad." I try to clean my face with a sheet.
"It's not- you're getting it wrong." He says,
"Here, let me get it for you" he leaned in towards me, his hand grazes through my cheek, the soft touch of his palm cupping my ear while his thumb wiped mud off of my cheekbone. I held in my breath.
My eyes meet with his when he looks at me. He's way too close.
Burning I'm burning.
Gosh, I can smell his sent.
"It's all over you." He released a light chuckle.
He's all over me!
And before I could faint,
He sat back, while I'm still out of breath.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah- I mean yeah, why wouldn't I be."
I nervously laughed.
He has mud on his face, too.
And the sun's ray is directly on his face as he's smiling, what a golden man- I shake My head, what was I even thinking. Get a grip, He's our childhood friend remember.
But his brown messy hair, deep brown eyes. He looks sad about something. "Let's go do what you called me here for." He smiled. Oh yes I remember.
. . . .
"We still have a lot of spare time, do you want to do something else?" I say.
"Do something?" He asks in skepticism.
"I meant, go somewhere, maybe to a-" I'm thinking of a way to hang out, just the two of us. "I don't know, where do you like to go often?" I say, we're in his car, on our way to grocery shopping.
"I like everything." He replied, he's fully occupied with driving.
Why is this conversation so bland, I thought we move passed that phase.
"Have you ever tried darts?" He asks, sparing a glance to look at me while still driving.
"I did once, with my boyfriend." I don't know why I mentioned my boyfriend, maybe because I want him to be jealous?
His later actions made me hate that game anyway.
"Boyfriend?"
"Ex boyfriend." I avoid eye contact. Do you feel a hint of petrifiedness Sam? I bite my giggle back.
"Why did you guys broke up?" He never asks me personal questions like these, not over the years I've lived here. I like this side of him.
"It's complicated- we both had different plans, he wanted to move across the world." I say,
Why am I comfortable telling Sam that. And why am I giggling inside.
"And you don't?"
"No"
"Don't date."
"What?" My eyes fondly deepens.
"I meant- don't date men like him."
"He wasn't a bad guy." I say. I'd give him that-
"Sure, maybe he wasn't a bad guy, but he wouldn't count as good either." He says calmly.
"Bold of you to assume that" I say, in shock, in general?
"I'm not assuming"
"How would you know then huh?" I ask.
"Because If he was a good boyfriend, he wouldn't have left you in the first place to move away." He says, while looking straight as he drives.
"That's just some standard diplomacy." I say, my voice stiff.
"Sweetheart, people move mountains for each other, what makes you think one can't stay for his loved one?"
"We ended on mutual terms." I cross my arms, I'm getting annoyed.
"Did you cried the whole night?" He looks over at me. "Wishing he wouldn't leave, wishing that something might change his idea?"
How does he-
"Yeah- but that's completely diff-"
"If he didn't care about that then he was a bad boyfriend, and infact wrong for leaving."
I say nothing. Wow- I mean how can he be that straightforward to my face.
But I like how he's showing interest- though he isn't properly looking at me but keep those questions coming.
"Well I never gave you the permit to give advice on my relationships." I don't listen what he's got to say next, I play the radio and turn up the volume.
I can see he is inaudibly laughing.
"Don't laugh." I command.
"Okay don't shoot please." He mocks me.
Soon, He parks the car, at some— gas station?
He gets out and walks over to my end to open my door for me.
"Come out." He's smiling.
"Why are we here at a gas station?"
"I'll show you." He offers me his hand. But I don't just take it yet- I walk out on my own. He released a soft chuckle and moves his hand back.
I have to play hard to get.
"Follow me." He's walking behind the gas station and what is that—It's a friendly bar with a play ground build in.
"I didn't know gas stations stores have playgrounds?"
"Highaway gas station does."
There's a sitting area with games as well.
We walk in, and I immediately caught the darts game.
"Why are you-"
"I'll change the meaning of a good guy for you."
I absolutely say nothing.
Giggle attack alert, I try to keep myself sane,
Maybe because I want him to do that.
"Let's see how much you know about this game." He says, handing me a dart to throw.
"Well, he didn't really let me play." I say, pretending to be okay. This is so embarrassing.
"And he's still not a bad guy?" He raised his eyebrow. "Shut up." I throw the dart but it slips out of my hand, and didn't hit the board, not even close, whereas he smiled smugly, his eyes glinting with triumph.
"He really was a bad person" He smacks his lips. "You taught me how to pottery, now it's my turn to teach you darts." He stands behind me, and in instant, my world slowed down.. his body grazes against mine as I suck my breath in. "Here, aim it that way" He softly grabs my elbow from beneath and sets it in the right position. "This way- now that you throw, it'll not slip down." His voice stayed concentrated, his breath warm, steady and clear, near my ear, he's bending a little to match my height and he's really good at commanding.
I throw it and it hits the board- not exactly in the middle, but somwhere close.
"I did it right?" I grin wide, I turn to face him.
"Beginner's luck." He teases, scoffing and walked to the board.
"Oh come on, I did it well enough."
"Are you seeing someone?" He asks out of nowhere, pulling the dart I just threw out from the board. "What makes you think that?" I ask,
"When I asked you to not date, you looked- confused."
"I was confused because you never ask me questions."
"Just so you know, I would never, not see tears in your eyes and pretend that what we're feeling is mutual." He says.
I release a deep sigh.
"Aren't you going back town tomorrow?" I say,
"I am."
"Exactly," I look up at him "Standard diplomacy." My voice bearly above a whisper.
"You've only seen me as a friend."
Is he saying he can be a better boyfriend than my ex?
"Try giving someone real his place and see how you get the privlage without you having to ask." He really said 'someone' wow.. he really isn't interested in me, like at all.
"Well, I don't want sympathy from you." I inhale a sharp amount of air. I don't release it just yet, because I'm stunned at him telling me this as if it's a game or a kids play that we can do whenever we meet and once he goes back, I stay here pretending it didn't all just happend. I'm the one who gets to live in his memory, he gets away and forgets all about me.
"Let's go, we don't have much time." I walk back to his car. He noticed I got a little upset.
All our way to the store, we didn't quite talk. Maybe he realised he can't play his little games on me.
After an hour or so, we're in the grocery store, in the meat aile.
"All of this stinks!" Sam pinches his nose.
"Don't tell me you've never gone to grocery shopping before." I roll eyes. "Uhm-" he sighs.
"Expected." I say, I don't know why I'm mad at him. It's not like he's done anything wrong. We meet every twice a year, it's fine. What I feel is- It'll fade away as soon as he returns back to his work place. For him it would be nothing- but for me, I will dream about him for months.
But we should live in the present, why do we already treat present as a memory when it's still happening.
Look around.. everything's real.
"Ew that fish is looking at me!" Sam dramaticly acts terrified of the fish, pointing at it. "You're grabbing a weird amount of fish Ayat." He walks behind me because he claims that the fish is still very much alive, and apparently looking at him, which is why he's hiding.
"Don't be silly, it's for the brunch party." I say.
"That much!?" He fake gaggs.
"What do you mean? I absolutely love fishes." I frown.
"You used to hate them" He's still running away from them with his quick little shallow steps.
"I've grown to love them."
"Really?" He asks in skepticism.
"Every thing related to sea food, makes my stomach happy!" I say smiling.
"You're gross Ayat!"
I laugh, he has his ways of making everything seem so light and normal.
He always had that enchanted personality. One thing led to another, we bought every necessary item.
And,
We got back at the restaurant.
"Oh no.. guests are already showing up." I gasp. "Take all the stuff to the kitchen, but through the back door, please." I panickly tell Sam.
"Yeah you go ahead, I'll take them" He leaves.
I look for Zaid- he isn't here yet.
I do greetings, I greet everyone I invited for my brunch, I meet with my professor, lady I bought the building from, and some of my fellow University mates. My eyes keep scanning the room in search of Aliya.
She said she'd come.
It's okay If she doesn't, maybe she's stuck in work.
"Boo!" Someone pokes my shoulder, I turn.
"Aliya! You made it!" Oh God I'm relieved, I would've been so upset if she didn't come.
"Of course I did, why would you think I won't come!" She asks. The truth is, I really didn't expect her to come, she always denies gatherings, But that's okay because when we grow up we get hit with so much responsibility to care of, If she didn't, I did. It's the equal effort that matters.
"Nothing" I laugh. "How was your trip-"
"Where's your brother?" She interruptly asks.
"Uhm I don't know, he'll be here any second."
"Let's walk to the main door, we'll surely catch him there."
"Yeah sure." I say as we walk "We haven't talked in so long, tell me everything, give me details." I want to know how her business is going, we're standing next to the entrance.
"Everything's fine!" She says but she's not meeting me eye to eye, her focus is divided. I trace her eyesight, she's looking outside.
"He'll be here any minute now, don't worry." I laugh to shake of the awkwardness.
"So, till he arrives, we can talk about our journey or whatever." I want to relate, I want to have a conversation- The type of conversation I never had with Sam or Ifan, I want her to relate to me with this whole business plan, so what if she couldn't relate to my childhood, this is something everyone goes through. Right?
Do I sound like begging?
"My dad bought me a building and- wait, there he is, he's coming." Aliya jumps outside. I laugh, it's cute.
"Wait for me."
Ifan steps out of his car and as soon as he got out, another car came through behind him, parking near his car.
Ifan faced back to see who's that, and a tall, foxy, extremely beautiful woman steps out of it, Ifan paused, as if he knows her, they greet each other, Ifan looks surprised, shocked, and even blushed..
"Who's she?" Aliya's excitement dies.
"I'm sure she's just a friend, I haven't met her yet." But I feel so nervous to my core. Aliya's going to be so upset.
"You don't know about her? Oh come on, lie a bit better Ayat." Aliya says harshly.
Ouch, what did I do?
They walk to us. "Oh hey Aliya" Ifan greets her by just saying a hi, and then turns to me. "Ayat I want you to meet Faiza." He introduces me to her.
"You're gorgeous" I say smiling. "So are you, but I'm quite stunned, you're Ayat?" We shake hands. "I am," I smile. "Let's head inside, everyone's waiting." I say.
"Where's Sam?" Ifan looks for him. "He's in the kitchen, preparing some things." I excuse.
"You must help him." Faiza taps Ifan's shoulder.
"Oh yes, yes I should absolutely." Ifan leaves with Faiza, Aliya stood there staring at them.
"Let's go somwhere else." I try to take Aliya's hand. "Bitch." She whispers. "Sorry?" I say,
She forces her hand free and stomps away. This is bad,
I run to kitchen after making Faiza comfortable.
"What the hell are you thinking?" I shut the door behind me, as I whisper-scream, I'm trying so hard to control my anger.
"Who me?" Sam points at himself.
"No, him!" I step infront of Ifan.
"Oh for the first time, I'm not in trouble," Sam starts laughing "Ifan did something wrong for once" Sam's still laughing.
"It's not funny! Who did you bring with you?"
I ask aggressively. "I met her last night." He acts dumb.
"You met her once and decided to bring her here? Do you think I'm stupid brother?"
I cross my arms.
"Did he bring a woman with him?" Sam roves between us. "Yes! And a very gorgeous, goddess looking angel!" I yell to clarify.
"Show me!" Sam says.
"Shut up!" Ifan and I both yell at Sam in sync.
"I told Aliya that you were single!" I clench my teeth in embarrassmemt.
"I am single" He justifies.
"She's going to be so mad at me now!" I throw my hands.
"Because your bother got a woman?" Sam raises his eyebrow.
"Yeah, Sam's right, what is she even mad about?" Oh Good, they're both pairing up now. "Because she likes you! You dumbhead." I bite my tantrum back, scolding him.
"How must have I known that? I never liked her- romanticly" Ifan justifies himself again. "But- still though" I keep scolding him as if its his fault, I'm not sure why I'm panicking. "My friendship's on the line now because of you" I say, I know that sounds stupid but she's been crushing over him since a long time. I can't blame her.
"Your friendship is on line because of some thing you didn't do?" Sam asks in confusion. "Ugh will you stay quite please." I need to think of a way to make this easier and not cause a scene.
"She's not your friend if she's making you this panicked" Sam says.
"My boyfriend's not my boyfriend, my friend's not my friend, than what is mine Sam? Uh? Tell me I want to know please?" I lose my temper, I didn't want to but he's just pissing me off, what does he know about my life.
"I'm handling my life, don't poke your nose in it."
"Sure" Sam crosses his arms on one another. I went too harsh, didn't I?
"You don't talk to him that way!" Ifan comes in between, brothring his way in.
"And you don't bring a woman without telling the host" I place my statement, when all three of us flinch at muffled terrorised screams coming from outside.
"We should head out." Sam walks through the exist. "Did I make him mad?" I ask Ifan. "No he's always that way." Ifan also rush behind him, Always that way? I've never seen him that way- than it's clear. He puts on a fake face infront of me. I hear shouting again. What in the world is going on out there? I push open the kitchen door.
"This brunch is a mess!" Aliya throws a plate on the ground.
Aunt shattered a plate on my feet. "Why do you always have to be this awful aunt? Why didn't you ever let me see you as my mom? Why can't you love me like a mother! Treat me like a daughter!"
"What is going on here?" I ask, I'm so confused, my heart is pounding.
Ifan is standing beside Faiza, and Sam is trying to make guests be seated. "You" a tear falls down Aliya's face. "You double crossing backstabbing bitch" She steps up. "What did I do?" I ask her gently. Everyone's staring at us. "You made me feel this way."
"Aliya look, I had no idea he was bringing someone."
"You told me he doesn't like to date."
"He doesn't, he's still single, Let's just solve this calmly please, everyone is looking" I place my hand on her shoulder. "Get off of me!" She pushes my hand away.
"Hey hey- careful there now" Sam yells.
"You need to keep your mouth shut" Aliya's brother walks up to Sam. "Listen sir- everyone's looking, let's not cause a scene, so why don't you take yourself out of here." Sam says with respect. "I'm not going anywhere" Aliya yells. "Let's talk this through, why are you acting like this all of a sudden?"
"Do you think it's funny? Do you think I'm a joke? How can you humiliate me infront of everyone like this."
"I humiliated you? Look again." I say, but this time, I'm not as calm as I was before.
"You're such a whore," She says. "Yeah show me more of your true colours." She stomps away with an unhealthy amount of anger and starts to knock down every vase that was placed on the counter including the ones I made.
"No no no" Sam strides off to the shelfs in hurry and kneels down to pick pieces of my broken Vase. I say nothing. My body is refusing me to move. She's acting like my aunt- it took me an eternity to forget her, I could never hate my aunt, I mean- how could I? She took my mother's place. I spent my childhood with her- she was an awful person but we had times where we bonded over- like when she would braid and care my hair before sending me to elementary school. But yet I don't want to see you as her, Aliya.
She walks around me and kicks my showpiece over.
"What is wrong with you?" I finally speak up. I raises my voice. Everyone's staring- it can't go any worse.
"You know damn well what's wrong." She yells,
"I'm keeping my curtains closed." I say because she can't make me feel inferior nor can she turn this around on me, I did nothing wrong. "Okay, come on now, let's end this" Ifan takes gentle steps towards us. "Listen, Aliya. What you're doing is making me dislike you even more than before."
Oh brother! Talk about it can't go any worse. "Ifan that's so rude!" I whisper.
"And what she's doing is not?" Sam also walk up close to us. "You need to get out." Ifan stares her in the eye. "Liking someone is okay, ruining something is not" Ifan said, he's mad, "Your feelings are valid, your actions are not Aliya." Ifan's yet so gentle with her.
"You knew everything Ayat, and you played me" Aliya ignores Ifan and turns to me again. "There's nothing that can't be solved with patience." I held her hand, we need to calm her.
"Let's go"
"Stop treating me like I'm insane." She snatched her arm away.
"But you are though" Sam interferes. "Sam please, let me handle it" I say.
"Let you handle what? How you're backstabbing me or you manipulating me into thinking you're a good friend?" She rolls her eyes.
"What?" I'm stunned. It's a pity she's making it seem like I'm the one responsible for her hurt.
"You haven't visited me in months- and when you actually did show up, you decided to ruin the one thing that matters to me the most, so realise that talking about a good friend does not suit you." I say.
"Whore," She raised her hand to hit me but Ifan grabbed her wrist mid way. "Who do you think you are?" Ifan threw her hand away.
She forced her steps forward, with the intention of pushing me. "Hey, hey-" Sam stands up for me, covering me behind him.
"you have a new puppet now? Don't you?" She laughed looking at Sam. "Where's Zaid? Why didn't you invite him you cunt? Is he a side piece or Zaid?"
I gasp under my breath-
What does she think of me? I've grew up with roque boys, does she really thinks she can take me? She called me names- cussed at me, even pushed me. This is it- how many more people have to disrespect me in order for me to finally take a step for myself.
Just because I'm staying silent
Does
Not
Mean
I'm scared. It's just I'm more graceful than you clearly are.
She has officially broken my heart-
"You were the one person I thought would never hurt me, specially not over some dumb guy?" I say.
"You and your family can go to hell." She spits.
"Well guess what you picture perfect bitch," I call her out "me and my family," I squint my eyes. "We've already lived in hell" I punched her face.
No
No
No
This is not me-
My elegance! Sam grabs my waist, pulling me back. "okay sweetheart, let's get you out of here."
Aliya fell down, covering her face as she began weeping.
Aliya's brother immediately walks up to me.
"Hey, hey, hey! Listen, we can clear everything out, everybody just calm down." Ifan tries to make him sit down, but he pushed Ifan over the table and punched Ifan's face. Watching that made me boil up, I spawn in between and I slap that guy hard in the face, making everyone gasp.
"Touch my brother again and watch how I drag you outside!" I threaten him. Watching me doing that, Sam wore a self-satisfied smirk, his grin spreading wide.
But all that happend wasn't supposed to happen.
My brunch is officially ruined.
-
-
-
Later that night, all three of us are still here, cleaning all the mess. My brunch didn't exactly went how I imagined but I'm glad I didn't let my graud down. After we cleaned the tables, the broken pieces and put down the decorations. Ifan made hot chocolate for us and we sat down for a while. The nights are getting colder as each day passes by, my favourite time of the year will arrive- autumn!
I would've been so mad if they weren't here.
I text Zaid. "You bailed on me!" Text delivered.
"I'm so upset, it was such a pretty vase" Sam said under his breath, Sam's sitting down, gluing the pieces of my vase together.
"Leave it, it won't be fixed, I'll just make another one." I say. Luckily I'm talented.
"Yeah Sam you need to let go of things for new things to happen." Ifan says, was that a taunt coming from Ifan? I've noticed they aren't as usual- they aren't talking to each other like normally. Are the mad at each other?
"The vase was beautiful, one of a kind, made with love. Even if she makes more, none will fit this one's place, you know, Not every old thing needs to be let go of." Sam says without looking up at him. They definitely had a fight.
"What's the matter with you two?" I say "Don't talk in riddles."
"Ask your brother, he's the one who started it." Sam tells me, I turn my attention to Ifan.
"Well, he's the one creating a problem that does not exist, why don't you ask him Instead" Ifan also shuts me down. "You're both not telling me" I wave my hands to gain their focus.
"I've bought a new apartment, here in the city." Ifan speaks.
"That's amazing." A suddan excitement spreads across my face. I've been wanting that to happen all my life.
"Because he wants a perfect life, a wife and a normal job" Sam mimics Ifan, tauntingly.
"That's rude, you should be happy-" I say,
"Whatever, give advice to your brother, he needs it more than me, its him who's starting a new life, not me." Sam placed my vase on top of the chimney.
"There's clearly unsaid things between you two, talk those out." I suggest.
"The furniture will be arriving at Seven am." Ifan completely avoids my suggestion.
"Oh great, this much happend and you're telling us now, so why even bother telling us when you don't even talk to us before taking an action" Sam stormed out.
"It's cold outside! don't leave without your jacket!" Ifan yells behind him. "You're acting like a child Sam!"
Sam is already gone.
"What's wrong with you moving here?" I ask Ifan. "I didn't thought it'd be a big deal, He's acting agnocious" Ifan says. "but it is a huge change of events in our lives, some part of his behaviour is understandable" He takes a deep breath in. "The reality is Ayat, I don't want to become more dependent on him than I already am"
"I understand" I hold his hand. "You're doing the right thing, he'd understand that, I'll make sure he does." I give him a smile.
All that happend today gave me a headache. I see outside through the window, Sam sat down on the front porch stairs.
"I should talk to him" I say, Ifan forced a smile, nodding.