Imperfect
Nothing is 100%
'When I first saw him, I've started melting. Then, I got the sense why it is so cold in England and so hot in Australia. Haha!'
He has taken it as a joke. The age is showing some immature behaviour out of the actual limit. He lets it go. He already has a huge experience of come-and-go teammates, who're bursting their ass on the tables of Gades. As a senior player, he cannot help but laughed.
Melbourne Renegades has shown a lot of improvement throughout the season. Beating Scorchers on both home grounds isn't everybody's cup of tea. Renegades have won both of the matches against Scorchers. All the players on the field and off the field have clapped while celebrating a superb victory. But one of them had kept a smile on the face but couldn't be happier. He could feel the new air around him ever since he came to Australia. He is coping with the environment easily. But the heart isn't listening to him. The desire he'd gathered a long time ago, punishing letting him realise the appearance of fortune. He might think he is not a match. But it has never become so easy for him. It is kicking him harder whenever he faces the charm across. He wonders how many times he will have to face it. The claps on the dugout around his ears suppressed the commitment he was going to take. He sometimes thinks he should enjoy the season like everybody does. Apparently, he might have impacted him by increasing the torment.
"Beth?"
Early call for early departure. Only scoring a few runs can not help to survive. Coming back from net sessions, eating meals quickly and going upstairs aren't helping him to hide unnecessary dreams. He heard a knock on the door. He didn't get up to open it. He remains on his bed until he sees the shadow from the bottom of the door moved. Some parts of him are disturbing him, cause he never got the chance to hide them. He covers his head with the blanket. And let the darkness pass him.
'In a moment, where you become so lonely that you want you survive and but can not hold any air inside your body. The punishment you want but want it to finish, too. The middle of any disaster path always halted you to go forward. I want to move apart. I want to go so far. Maybe then I can tackle the inner and let it be full of something else. But I can count the days. It is becoming harder and harder. I just want an end.'
"So, who do you love?" Richardson asks him. He's already with his other mate's relationship with a Sydney guy. He talks with them about the matter, disgusts him. But he can't go off. He knows Bethell isn't gonna reply that easily. He can not even waste his time. They picked someone for him also. But things never go how it should be.
"Jhye." Betell calmly answers. Richardson sighs and laughs. Since the beginning of the season, he'd assumed the lie. He lays down on the bed and suggests to him, "So, should I talk with him or you'll go yourself?" As Jhye is Richardson's friend, he extends a helping hand to Bethell even after mindly not supporting it. "No-" Betell stops at the middle. He knows what the things are coming forward. He already showed a lot of negative feedback. He barely believes he will get support. He remembers the claps. He remembers the laughs. "Listen, I've already heard a lot of things after I left from there. I do not want to create drams anymore. He is the new connector of the CA Board. That's not a matter of concern. The matter is- me. Who am I? No one. Look at me. I am no match for him. He is superb cricket, and I am- I am just trying to fix it here. I know love can not be judged by those. But in my opinion it can be. I hardly find it suitable while it was finding it scope to build a barrier. He deserved better. I am just a piece of paper." He told his last words before leaving Australia. He notices around. He feels how different things can be. He feels some precious moments he gathered between his eyes. He feels that he is happier he will be after recalling those. He knows what a big drama he created when he asked the same question. Maybe he got excited like the way everyone does. But he couldn't feel the difference. He might find a perfect match for him later. But how can he see that?
Jhye knows the Betell loves him. He wants to be with him. Maybe he doesn't bring enough staff with him before the flight in Australia. But he wanted to stay here forever. Jhye's ears heard a lot of things about Betell and his unseen love. But Jhye reacts as if he never heard a disgusting thing. Bethell barely believes his mind is holding another person. The words from his mouth were like bullets. Jhye didn't say negative things. But a sharp no was floating all over his words. He doesn't let him feel low. Betell feels he did the right thing not to tell him. But when he realised he mentioned he would be busy with the work, business, board, and cricket, he might have passed those days by. He smiles like every day he did while seeing Jhye just one time. He can not hold the beats. He feels the words inside his heart. He doesn't know why it feels like he has a better option. His mind is preparing for another one, and his heart is beating hearing another name.... Did he always pass around him like a shadow? But nothing is one hundred per cent. Why is the fact punishing him? Maybe one chance could heal him. But he just overthinks the right thing. He wants another.
While flying back in England, Betell is looking at the night city lights on Perth from the sky, where he left the dream he'd been holding for years. The lights are sparkling on his eyes, where tears appear and fall. He might stop it. But he can't earse it. He closes his eyes and lets the warm feeling slightly become cold. Feels,
'Why does love hurt so deep?'
...