/Ai Pov/
Akari's House
It's already November, and B-Komachi's popularity is soaring. Their videos have surpassed 20 million views each, making them the fastest Japanese group to gain such numbers and win awards this year. At this rate, they might even perform at the Dome next year.
I'm so proud of them. Especially knowing that my own daughter might stand on that stage. Not just Ruby, but my mother too. Speaking of Mom, Akari has been making waves ever since her debut. Not only has she become a renowned idol, but also a singer. Just last month, she posted her first song of the year on her channel, and it skyrocketed in popularity.
Her hiatus only fueled anticipation, making her comeback even more impactful. She's been nominated for Best New Song of the Year, and her first album—just recently released—earned her a nomination for Best Album of the Year at the Global Awards. In total, she's up for four categories. I remember she was invited to attend the Global Awards, but she declined without hesitation.
Even when they offered her the option to wear a mask, she refused. I know it's because she'd have to travel to America, meaning she couldn't bring me along. Maybe she's also afraid of being recognized.
Keeping her identity hidden seems to be a conscious choice—perhaps to focus on B-Komachi, attend events, and meet fans. Mem-Cho, by the way, released her first solo song two months ago, and it blew up. She's currently touring overseas for fan meetings. As for Ruby, her solo music video is set for release in December. I'm excited, but also...
"Akari! Is there a way to cancel my solo announcement?" Ruby whined from the couch, her voice laced with panic.
Akari chuckled. "You know, you were supposed to have your solo before Mem-Cho, right?"
"I know! But now I don't wanna do it."
Huh?! Why doesn't Ruby want to do it? Even I never got a solo music video! This is an opportunity she has to take!
"Can you take my place instead, Akari? Please?" Ruby pleaded, handing her a can of cola as a bribe.
Akari hummed. "Hmm... Sorry, no."
Ruby groaned, burying her face into a pillow. "Sorry, Akari, I'm asking too much, aren't I? The music video I'm releasing was mostly made by you, yet I'm the one taking credit. So I decided I'd release another song as well—but this time, I'd make it entirely on my own. And…"
"And?"
"And... I haven't even started making the song. I have like a month left."
Ruby… I hope Akari helps her.
Akari smiled. "I know you can write it, Ruby. I think you're just nervous, that's all. Why don't we go for a walk? Just me and you. The weather's really nice right now."
Ruby hesitated but then nodded. "I think that'd be nice."
A walk?
A few moments later…
"Alright, time to go." Akari opened the door, ready to leave.
Ruby hesitated. "Wait, what about Ai?"
"Don't worry, Kanji and Hima will watch over her while we're gone."
[Kanji and Hima are Akari's two dogs.]
Wait! I want to know what you guys are going to talk about!
Akari knelt down and patted Kanji and Hima. "Take good care of her, okay? Press the button if there's an intruder, alright?"
The dogs barked in response, as if saying "yes."
As Ruby and Akari left, I felt a bit down. I tried sitting up and pouted. "Gugubagaba."
I can't even talk properly. Sigh.
Akari was amazing today. I don't want to admit it, but she's better than me in every way. Still… something about her feels off. The way she speaks… it's like she knows something about me that I don't. But what?
Her cry when she found out I had died… I've seen dramatic fans before, even the one who killed me, but Akari felt different. Where have we met before?
Not many people know this, but I've suffered from headaches ever since I was a teenager. And every time they hit, I forget things…
{Pretty eyes.}
Headache.
Ugh! It's happening again. I should stop thinking about it—it hurts too much.
I looked up at the beautifully decorated ceiling, admiring the stickers Akari had placed there.
Haha, that bunny looks cute. Akari really put effort into decorating this whole ceiling. It tells a story—there's a building, a big house, children running around. I guess this is the first time I've really paid attention to these things. Now there's a road leading to a… village, right?
I let my imagination run wild, creating stories with the stickers. But then, I noticed something familiar.
A big tree.
A big tree… A big tree?
{"This is our friendship spot! Let's carve our names into the trunk so everyone knows this place belongs to us!"}
Headache.
Ugh! My head!
I kept looking and saw a sunset. The moment I did, an unknown memory flashed in my mind.
{"The sunset here is really pretty, isn't it?"}
I searched the ceiling as if I was looking for something—then my eyes landed on a sticker of a night sky, its colors eerily familiar.
Those colors… they're just like the color of my—
{"Your eyes, Ai. That's why I love this spot. The night sky here shines brightly, just like your eyes."}
Agh! Stop! It hurts! Why does my head hurt so much?! I have to stop looking—if Akari sees me like this, she'll get worried! Agh!
I started crying, catching the attention of the dogs. They barked, jumping around to cheer me up.
But then suddenly—
Glass shatters.
Did I just hear glass breaking downstairs?
The dogs bolted down, barking aggressively. Their barks were so loud, I could hear them from my room.
Someone's here!
_________________
At The Park
/Ruby's POV/
I took a deep breath, letting the crisp afternoon air fill my lungs. "Wow, the air feels so fresh today. And it's not even that chilly."
"I know, right? I've been coming here with Ai almost every day since autumn started. Too bad the weather's getting colder now."
"You're right, winter really is coming. Aren't you worried you'll get caught when Ai is with you?"
"Nope! I always make sure to cover my face with a big mask and thick sunglasses!" Akari giggled.
Sometimes I wonder if Akari is actually careful or just lucky.
A comfortable silence settled between us until Akari suddenly asked, "Do you have someone you like, Ruby?"
I immediately blushed. "W-What?! Me?! Umm..."
I started thinking about Aqua—my doctor from my past life. The more I thought about him, the redder my face became. But at the same time, I felt a strange prick in my heart.
Akari grinned knowingly. "So you do have someone!"
"U-Uh! I don't! W-Why are you so curious?!"
"How could I not be? The famous idol, Ruby Hoshino, having a huge crush on somebody."
I blushed even harder, trying desperately to stop her teasing.
Akari chuckled. "So, what's he like?"
As we both sat down, I hesitated before answering, "Well... he's kind, cheerful, and always tries to make everything feel positive..."
But as my voice trailed off, instead of thinking of my doctor from my past life, I started seeing Aqua instead.
Aqua is still kind, still cheerful, but...
"He's changed," I whispered softly, so quietly that Akari couldn't hear.
"What did you say, Ruby?"
"Ah, uh, it's nothing."
Aqua and Doctor are still the same person. I think it's because I'm starting to see a side of Aqua that he never showed me in his past life that I'm feeling this way.
I love A—!
I can't say it. It feels weird to say it. Why? Why?! I love Doctor! I love A—!
As Akari noticed my strange behavior, she asked, "Have you ever asked yourself, 'Is this actually love'?"
I looked at Akari, a bit confused.
Taking a breath, she said, "You know, I just ask those kinds of questions to lighten the mood, but judging by your expression, I asked something really deep, didn't I? I'm guessing what you think about love is complicated, isn't it? Deep down, it's not just about the person you like—there's someone else in your heart confusing you, right?"
Wait… why is she asking me questions I never even considered myself?
Akari smiled and continued, "People sometimes get confused about the word 'love.' Love is such a unique feeling that can bring out different kinds of emotions. And I think you already know one person who had a complicated story about love."
When I heard that, I knew immediately who she meant. "Mom?"
Akari nodded. "That's right. She did say, 'Lies are the most exquisite love,' didn't she?"
"That's right. After Aqua found the video about Mom's story, I realized she never truly understood love. I never even noticed that she never told us she loved us until the day she died." My voice trembled as I remembered the weak, trembling voice behind the door when I was young. "S-She said she lied so that those lies could become true someday. She was afraid that her love for us was a lie. And now, thinking about it... I'm afraid mine is too."
Suddenly, Akari pulled me into a warm hug, stroking my hair gently. "Everyone has something they're not proud of, something they think makes them flawed. I think I'm starting to understand how you feel about your mom. You feel confused, don't you?"
"Huh?"
The moment she said those words, it felt like my world stopped for a moment.
Was I confused? I asked myself that question over and over again.
Just as I thought no one could interfere in this space I was trapped in, I heard Akari's voice break through. "How did 'Ai' affect you? And how did your 'Mom' affect you?"
Ai… and Mom.
Ai.
Akari continued, "But don't dwell too much on your mother's story. That's what makes us human. What makes us better humans is our ability to grow, learn, accept, and change."
Akari looked straight into my eyes. "Do you really like that person? Or is the love you feel actually something else? Are you lying to yourself, hoping that lie becomes true, just like your mom did?"
Is my love just a lie?
Is it just a different kind of love?
Am I lying to myself?
Just like Mom?
"Ruby, remember this: You and your mom are two different people. What your mom thought doesn't have to be what you think as well. Why do you think she hid it in the first place?"
I muttered under my breath, "Why did she hide it in the first place?"
Ah… that's right. I always looked up to Mama, but mostly because she was an idol. Later on, I started seeing her as my mother, but the deeper I got into the entertainment industry, the more I lost sight of Ai as a mother.
I'm no different from that obsessed fan who killed her. I was so obsessed with my own mother's ideals that I unconsciously started following them myself, even knowing deep down they were wrong. When I first found out about her past—when Aqua revealed the truth to me—I felt something bitter inside me, like my admiration for Ai had crumbled slightly.
How stupid am I? If I felt that way, didn't I just see my own mother as an idol and not as a mother this whole time? Maybe I never truly accepted that I was reborn into a new life. Maybe I never fully accepted Ai as my mother or Aqua as my brother.
I clenched my fists, feeling hatred toward myself.
"Ruby?"
I started crying, overwhelmed by anger and sadness. "I-I think I only saw my mother as an idol, not as my mom. I hate myself. She must have been sad knowing she had a daughter who only saw her as an idol. Damn it!"
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! What kind of daughter am I?! A fan? A daughter? What have I been to her this whole time?
Then, I felt a soft touch. Akari held my hand gently, looking at me with comforting eyes. "What's wrong, Ruby? What made you feel this way?"
"I-I… I'm supposed to write a song about winter love because it's my theme, but I don't even know what love is right now. I'm confused. Every time I try to write it, I remember the day it snowed after Mama died. I tried my best to hide, but then…"
Then I saw Doctor's dead body.
"I got so mad and revengeful that I wanted to find the killer for taking the people I love. But after some time, things got better—until I found out about my mother's past. Even though it was a success, I just feel so confused about everything. I don't know if I'm a fan or a daughter to Ai now."
I started breaking down, questioning everything about myself. But then, I heard Akari giggle.
"You and your brother are so stupidly similar."
"What?"
Hearing that was the most unexpected thing from Akari. But it didn't hurt. Actually, it felt peaceful.
Akari smiled. "You're both dummies. You're doing all this because you love Ai so much. Didn't you act in the movie as Ai? Then you should already know how you feel about her. A fan? A daughter? Why not both? Who's stopping you from being both?"
Both? Can I really be both, Mama?
{Ahh! If my daughter becomes an idol like me, then let's both stand on stage together, Ruby!}
This feeling inside of me… is this—?
I looked at Akari and asked, "How do you know the difference between love and admiration?"
Akari's eyes widened for a moment before she gave a soft smile. "In my case, admiration does have love in it. 'He's so cool!' 'I want to be like her someday!' 'I love her!' Those kinds of words are normal when you admire someone. But do you love them enough to consider them family? To tell them your secrets? Love and admiration have limits that only you can set. Once you know your own boundaries, you'll know the difference. In the end, you're the only one who can answer that, Ruby."
Boundaries and limits define the difference?
"I-I never thought about it that way."
I'm starting to understand. Little by little.
How do I think of my brother compared to the doctor I once loved? Do I trust Aqua with my secrets like I did with Doctor? Do I love Doctor enough to want to spend my life with him as his wife? Do I think the same way Aqua does?
Then, a memory of Aqua's letter resurfaced—the one he left when he planned to die taking Hikaru with him.
{Ruby, rely on your big brother for once. And be free from lies. That's my only wish for you, my annoying but amazing twin sister.}
I love Aqua because he's my brother. I tell him secrets because he's my big brother. And I never loved my doctor romantically. I admired him. That's all.
Ahh… I get it now.
Ahh... I get it now. They never saw me that way—as someone they could love romantically. They set boundaries while I didn't, and that's what confused me. I mistook admiration for love. It wasn't them who misunderstood—it was me. I was the one who let admiration guide every decision I made. But I'm not my mother, and my mother is not me.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I whispered, "I made so many mistakes. I was so stuck in the past that I never let myself grow or accept new things. I've been so stupid."
Yeah, I'm stupid. Very stupid.
"You're right."
I looked at Akari, and for a second, I saw my mother in her. "But being stupid is just part of being human. We make mistakes, we falter, and we make bad decisions. But that's okay. As long as we learn from them and become better versions of ourselves..."
She pulled me into a tight embrace, her warmth comforting me. "Then it's okay to be stupid sometimes. Because, after all, you have your mother, your close friends, and your amazing twin brother looking out for you. They all love you."
Ahh... I really am stupid, but I'm surrounded by so many loving people.
Ai, is this how you felt when you told us you loved us? Was that the moment you finally understood love? If it was, then I'm happy you got to experience it. I think I can finally move forward, Mom. I love you.
__________
/Akari's POV/
When I first found out that Ai had children, I was happy for her. Whether she had them young or not, I knew she wouldn't have done it unless she truly wanted to.
That is... if she was still the same person I once knew.
After watching that movie, I saw how much she had changed. And I couldn't help but ask myself, "Is this really the Ai I once knew?"
"Lies are the most exquisite love."
Did life push you so far that you ended up believing that?
Did you forget about me?
Why were you hesitant to become an idol in the first place?
Why didn't you understand what true love was?
Why did you cling so desperately to lies?
But no matter how much I thought about it, the thing that caught my attention most was your children. How were they? Were they eating well? Had they moved on?
When I saw the movie and how much you unknowingly loved them, I knew that even after all these years, you were still the same Ai—your eyes shining brighter than the stars in the sky.
I know we can never be perfect mothers, and I know you did your best to raise them despite your own shortcomings. But let me tell you this: they loved you so much. And seeing how Ruby is acting right now, it's clear as day.
I'll protect them, no matter what, Ai. Even if I think they've experienced the same "way" I did.
After all, they are still your children.
"You're just like your mother," I chuckled.
"You're teasing me," Ruby pouted as she wiped her eyes gently.
I noticed her hesitation, like she wanted to ask something but wasn't sure if she should. "What is it, Ruby?"
"Well... I just wanted to ask if you knew my mother before. I don't know why, but something about you feels different compared to her fans."
Did she notice?
"What makes you think that?"
"I don't know. It just feels like you knew my mom personally."
Ai was like family to me. A sister I once dreamed of standing on stage with.
"You could say I met your mom before."
"You met Ai?! When?!"
I can't tell her the truth.
"My mother was actually quite a famous idol before. Thanks to her connections, I was able to meet Ai at a party. And she..."
That party was the first time I ever saw Ai. And when I saw her, wearing the clip I made for her, I almost cried. If I had been the first to talk to her, I knew I would've broken down right there and then.
{Hi, pretty girl. You must be really loved by your mother, huh?}
{Yeah! I love her so much! I want to become an idol just like her one day.}
Just like you wanted to become an idol too, Ai.
{Really?}
{Yeah, I want to stand on stage and hear the crowd cheering our group's name as loud as they can, their light sticks glowing like stars in the sky.}
Ai paused before asking, {That sounds familiar. So you want to be in an idol group? But your mother is a solo idol.}
I didn't want to be a solo artist because...
{I want to stand on stage with someone like you by my side.}
I am sorry I used such words to test you that day Ai.
I remember the shocked expression she had that day. And through our brief interactions, I knew she had forgotten me. But that was okay. Whether or not we ever formed a group, as long as I could stand on stage with her even once, I would be happy. That's why I worked so hard to learn instruments, write songs, and build my presence on Youube—just to get her attention one day. But because of the mistakes I made in this life, I missed my chance to perform with her.
"And she told me to have 'courage.' If you really love being an idol, you have to smile and show your courage to prove how much you love it. Those words meant everything to me."
My existence was erased from her memories. I don't know if it was forced or natural, but as long as she remembered my words and the feelings we shared, that was enough for me.
"Ai really impacted you that much, huh?" Ruby smiled warmly. "She impacted me a lot too."
We smiled at each other, but suddenly, the alarm at my house blared. My phone vibrated with an emergency notification.
Panic surged through me.
"Ai!" I gasped, immediately grabbing Ruby's hand as we ran toward my house.
"What happened?!"
"I think someone broke into my house!"