"You have lost a lot of weight these past few weeks Yeon, do you feel all right? You haven't been this quiet since we lived together..." "perhaps it is just he springtime fatigue, I have been sleeping a lot lately as well." "Try to be more active, even if you do feel tired" he told me as he climbed into bed right next to me in his chambers later on that night." "We are al more likely to fall ill in spring time, i shall make you some ginseng soup in the morning. You frequently work late, so be careful for your health." "You haven't made me that for a while now…" "i shall give you a small portion of red bean with them, i know that you dislike the taste..." "My Lord, The Mistress Han has persistently sen her servants to inform you that she feels unwell, and she wishes to have your company tonight." "I am not her man neither am i a physician, so what can i do for her?" "You should go, we both know that she will not stop and it is not the right time to take her down yet." "Very well, but i am only doing this once, and you should stay here since it is far too cold outside." This was surely my karma for bringing The Mistress Han back into the fold to make Yeon jealous and finally open up to me, which it did work and i was slowly getting sober thanks to Moon-bok's efforts. I had already undone the damage that she did to keep me around, even if she was unaware of it. but as the same time, i needed her to continue to bully Yeon s that both of these women would be expelled from the palace eventually and i could marry her as soon as possible so that i could finally start living for myself and for my family. Then i could always come home from work to a hot meal, warmed perfumed rooms, hot baths, new silk clothes...and maybe the laughter and footsteps of little children who were waiting at the door for me just like Yeon always used to…
"Just what the hell are you playing at! Why do you keep making a scene this late at night? Have you lost your damned mind!" "How else was i going to bring you out to see me? I need you to believe me when i say that Yeon made up lies that day…." "…then you will not mind I if I have my son personally rummage through your home in search of these men?" "They are only my trusted aids…I assure you that…" "…then I suppose you wouldn't mind if we get a doctor to test you? Let us say…tomorrow?"
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He was trembling slightly and had his hand over his heart as if it was ready to pound out of his chest. The usually composed, self-disciplined and most mindful man I have ever come across now looked like he was locked in his own little world. He was…smiling? As in…there was almost a new twinkle in his eyes that I had not seen before, and he was much more better dressed when he was just as home as opposed to when he was out at work in the palace…or anywhere else really. It looked like he spent more efforts into being well-groomed than most young men his age who really could not care less. And lastly, when I returned to the manor, I personally caught his servant that i tried to get rid of placing those gifts in that girl's room. Did something happen between them whilst I was gone? Did that girl finally manage to seduce him? He wasn't even paying attention to the only person who favoured him in the entire palace. Exactly what kind of spell did that little girl put on him? Well I had had more than enough now, and I needed to find a way to rid myself over the greatest threat to my future husband's career that will soon become greater than any Royal Prince who lived off of their father's position as Emperor.
"Why am I the only one who has to be tested! What about Yeon?" "What about her? Do honestly expect me to believe that with all of the new interest my son is garnering in the palace, that he will pay any attention to a lame, disabled and penniless orphan girl?" "It is exactly because of her background that she is plotting something!" "She knows her place well in my life and…" "I am just worried that she is shamelessly clinging onto him in the name of this doubtful 'memory loss' of her's and using gratitude as an excuse to…" "I wonder exactly who was the one who stared seamlessly clinging onto me in the face of my…differences with her Mistress? Who is clinging here? Without a hint of shame at all." It was Seon-Ho of all people who made that comment that left me utterly speechless. And after all of this time, it looked like I still hadn't made much of an impression on him at all. "Some people just fill their heads with filth and sin. To them, no matter what the situation is, everything looks immoral."
"You have been irritable these past few days, does that mean you need another top up of opium? i know that i am incapable of meeting your needs otherwise as you still have not let go of Yeon yet..." "Without her in the place, i would have been considered unfilial by may seniors…" "what does that mean?" "Never you mind about it, now let me go...."
"Doesn't coming here already make you feel better? Being able to soothe you makes me feel like i am being put to some use…" "You are not the most modest nor mild woman that i have met, Mistress Han. You can be observant at times, but there is just something about you that is lacking, and i have no time to fix such a loose woman. I do not feel comfortable with you,…" "i have just made a new incense which is most effective at calming the mind. I have already lighted it, what do you think? i haven't been able to catch a glimpse of you lately, forgive me for being useless and unable to serve you…" "Yes, you have been rather useless so far, haven't you? You have run your curse for me now and we are officially done with each other." "But you are from a noble lineage, surely you want a woman of similar upbringing?" "The Seo's parents were children of nobility before they eloped together, and their statuses have been elevated ever since they helped take down my father." "Will you really pollute your blood with that of an epileptic?" "Her condition was never hereditary, so I do not have to worry about it, but in the event that it does happen, I know how to manage such a condition. Maybe it would be the price that i would have to pay for my sins against her. And as for a lowly and greedy kisaneg such as yourself, you are already greatly fortunate to have served me in the past...with you wit. i wouldn't have even hired you as a maid otherwise. so you should be thanking Yeon every single day that i have kept you alive so far, and stop trying to compete with her. You have already endured insults to the death so far; a bewitching minx To her Master The Third Prince. Disasters like her will be powerful enough to flood the country, you ought to have died a thousand deaths for seducing your Master! All of them, in fact!" "My Lord! Please! Wait! What are must i do…to keep you with me? Servant! Here, take this incense over to her right away, and do not forget! Absolutely nobody can see the contents of this urn! For if anybody were to find out about this, we will not have a burial ground for our bodies!"
As i watched the man I had put so much effort into just walked away without looking at me or saying anything at all, i felt myself fall onto the floor as karma seem to have struck me so hard that i felt my very soul being sucked out of my body. Why? Why did I keep rejecting him so viscously all of those years ago? Why was i holding out for a man that never loved me the way that i had loved him, even when we first met? How could i have landed in this position after everything that i had sacrificed for myself? How could i have not predicted Nam Seon-ho's potential? And the one that did, the only person in our village that shared the same money status that he diid, he now held a terrifyingly deep lasting affection for. But i could not just give up now; my life was worth living just as his was, so why should i give up? He was a lonely man before he became ambitious as he is now, so his personal feelings cannot be the only thing that he is holding onto her for. Even in her disabled state, he sees something in her that nobody else possessed, and i had to find out what it was before he discarded me completely. I wasn't going to live in poverty again; so what if i depended on my looks and Yeon depended on her intelligence? Just what was the difference when it came to womenfolk? We all utilise our advantages to secure what wish to attain…even if i was still trying to do just that. And the fact that Yen had minimal damage done along her journey and…I did not.
"…are you mad and upset about The Mistress Han and what she did to you? Or are you just jealous and that is why you are being this stubborn!" "Jealous? What does that have to do with me being tested by a doctor for such a shameful reason! Besides, I have always known my place and I will never be jealous of others!" "This is your only survival path now, you have to get this test done. Why are you freaking out about it to this extent? Unless…" "Unless what? Why are you looking at me like that?" "Do you have something to tell me?" "Like what?" "Is there a specific reason why you are so afraid of this test?" "Afraid? I am not afraid but this is an immoral invasion of privacy, especially when I have done nothing to prove that I could do such immoral acts! I am noThe Mistress Han who sleeps with anyone and everyone that she can use!" "So you are jealous, my sweet and gentle little flower…" "You jerk! You bully! You narcissistic, ego-maniac, heartless little…!" "Even if you are still bait to me in the palace, you are still mine!" "I have already seen enough of your acting Lord Nam, and I wish not to see it anymore. And i will run away from you if i see you ever again…wait! Let go of me! You are hurting me!"