...
I certainly haven't had a monologue for a while.
But that's not the point.
Do you... Do you know what it feels like?
No, of course you don't.
You're still there, intact, with your neat morality and your certainty that the monster chooses to be a monster. But me... When did I have a choice?
When was I ever really asked for my opinion? Did I ever have choices? Were there alternatives to things? Could things have been different?
In the beginning, I just wanted silence.
A corner where the world wouldn't tear at my seams or rip my skin off for any mistake.
But the world doesn't allow corners. It corners you instead.
Sooner or later you lose more and more things that will take you apart.
Cutting. Pulling. Destroying parts of you.
Your personality becomes ruthless from one moment to the next. And one day you wake up and there's nothing left to lose except the fear of losing yourself.
I have committed horrendous acts, but are you going to judge how an animal bites when cornered?
Every life I took was a brick to plug the hole that was growing in me. At first, I just wanted them to stop hurting me. Kuzunoha and her group, for example...
But after all this time. No matter what I've been through since I've been reincarnated... I realized that there's something eoto in me.
And I didn't want to feel that way.
Then I just wanted to stop feeling so... empty...
Madness? Maybe. But isn't it even crazier to live in a world that demands you smile while you bleed to death?
Do I feel guilty for killing so many with my own hands? Stick that knife in my chest if it makes you sleep better. But don't tell me this isn't an equation.
How much pain can you inflict before you become the pain itself? Before your hunger for peace becomes a hurricane that wipes out entire villages? I just wanted to breathe. I just wanted things to stop hurting.
Was it me, or was it the string of zeros on my account, the closed doors, the nights listening to my mind cracking like a glass about to burst? Where does guilt begin and despair end?
(She woke up...)
(Welcome, Elise.)
(Welcome.)
(Don't die, please. We've only just begun.)
And now, if things hadn't been so stupid, I wouldn't be hearing these fucking voices in my head.
They're mine. But at the same time, no.
Even though I'm sinking into the emptiness of my soul, transforming into something else. Undergoing a pure metamorphosis to my entire constitution. These voices were born. And grew into complete beasts.
The voices know it. They laugh. They whisper that the question doesn't matter. That in the end, we are all accomplices: me, for holding on; the world, for letting go.
But here's the secret, imaginary judge: emptiness is never filled. It is only disguised.
Now, instead of silence, I have a choir.
Instead of peace, I have echoes.
And, amidst the cacophony, I ask: would it have been different if someone had heard me before these voices came?
Don't answer. There is no one left to hear your answer.
We are alone.
No. There is no "we".
Alone. I am alone.
(Ulykkens Arving...)
(The prophecy is true.)
(You are the Light. The Guide.)
(Ulykkens Arving. The Chosen One.)
(Arise.)
(Arise.)
(Ulykkens Arving... rises...)
[Orphelia]
Lady Elise could not resist the temptation, for Enigma's blood gave off an aphrodisiac smell, too sweet. Completely detectable for a vampire.
Having taken Enigma's blood was a gigantic problem, more so with having recited the incantation to transfer the status of "Primordial Entity" to another.
She asked me not to get involved, but it is simply impossible for me to stand idly by in this situation.
Lady Elise does not react, so now I have become the last line of defence.
I leap out of Lady Elise's shadow, freezing everything in my path, until I create a barrier of ice above My Lady.
Immediately Enigma and Belphegor step back, not expecting this sudden attack.
-Oh, we have a traitor! -. Belphegor shouts.
From Enigma's side, I can only feel his gaze piercing my soul, wanting to kill me.
I form a spear of ice between my hands, with the same permafrost that is from the ring that currently belongs to My Lady.
[Warning: Temperatures below -75 freezing points will destroy your cells, reducing your regeneration rate].
I ignore the words thrown at me by the [System] and stand my ground.
Enigma and I make eye contact. We are both as silent as hell.
And she, without thinking, throws herself at me with overwhelming speed. I absorb the first impact with the spear, managing to generate a dent in the black blade she created as she propelled herself.
-How dare you do this to Liz? Allying yourself with her damn fake replica!
I push Enigma away from me, and she yells that at me.
I push my hair aside, and simply reply:
-My allegiance is to Redhart. Whether he is an imposter or the original, I will not turn my ice against My Lady.
-We don't even know if she really is the heir. She may yet die if "The Void" does not reciprocate. And if so, it will all be over.
That is true... we have no idea how she will react to Enigma's blood.
She is the Mother of all Vampires, even the Vampire Lords would kill for even a drop of Enigma's blood, and she gave a whole spurt to Elise without worrying about spilling it.
Centuries ago I broke my bond with Enigma so that she would not be able to control me in any way. And I think she already realised that.
-Orphelia, I don't really want to fight you. I'm currently in no condition to have a fight of attrition, you'd tear me apart with your mana reserves alone.
-... I certainly don't want to fight either, but...
I look out of the corner of my eye at Elise, she's staring blankly into absolute nothingness. She was subjected to the transference ritual without having been prepared.
Enigma's blood must be tearing her organs apart, entering every nook and cranny of her body, and ripping away every tissue in its path.
...
I have no idea if she's going to survive that.
-Leave My Lady alone... that's all I ask of you. She's not Liz, I want you to get that on tape, Vivian.
-I... I know... I know she's not Liz. The problem is... everything about her reminds me of Liz.
Vivian relaxes her shoulders, and so do I. And we both turn to look at Elise, who is lying on the floor, staring blankly.
Elise is soaked in a pool of her own blood. For her heart had been destroyed by Belphegor.
I have no idea where Belphegor went, though...
-I don't think any of us expected that after our long, immortal lives we would ever see Elise Redhart's face again.
I mention that, and Vivian nods at my side.
-I took it out on a poor, innocent soul...
Vivian kneels down, to lift Elise into her arms with no trouble at all. This scene...
It reminds me of the state I found Vivian in after the death of my first Mistress. She was about to want to tear the world in two.
I was of little use then because of my own weakness. Redhart urged me to comfort Vivian if things went wrong.
After the loss of my First Mistress, I went into seclusion. I was the only "Vampire Lord" who did not spread this disease we call "Immortality".
Occasionally I hunted animals to survive, it was hard to learn to contain my vampiric urges.
But I'm sure Redhart wouldn't have wanted us to infect others.
Before Vivian can take a step forward, I tug on her shoulder.
Vivian looks at me in surprise, her crimson eyes wide as saucers.
-Wait a minute, don't get too close to her without closing that wound.
I tell her that, to which she looks at me with a doubtful expression.
And then, from the wound where her heart was pierced, as there were no sources of magical energy so close to her until now, Yggsdrasil's roots burst through Elise's chest.
Vivian steps back, dropping Elise like a sack of potatoes. To which I immediately react to hold My Lady in my arms.
I am not worthy of this, forgive me, Elise.
The roots quickly become entangled between my hair, neck and arms. And in less than a second, the magical energy begins to be drained from me at breakneck speed.
It's painful, since I'm a monster, and my existence is just a derivative form of magical energy.
But I'm not going to die from this.
-What the hell is that...? -. Vivian asks.
I stand up again, lifting Elise in my arms and heading towards the adamantite throne belonging to the Empire of Ifgraine.
It is a trustworthy seat of My Lady.
It should not be too long before she returns from this state of lethargy, so I will have no choice but to wait while she awakens.
Maxwell left this curse on My Lady. I don't quite understand what he meant to convey with it, but there is one thing I am sure of...
This Receptacle is perfect.
It has already created a link with the "Void" and with the "Hollow Death".
From the moment I looked at her, I knew she was the reincarnation of Redhart. There was no aspect in which they were not alike.
Her ability to wreak havoc with so few resources was what convinced me the most. I have no idea how many other vampires she killed to get to us.
From my feet, I spread ice to freeze Ifgraine's throne, so I can take a seat with Elise in my arms.
I invest the last drop of my mana to rip the roots from their source, and seal Elise's wound with an ice floe so she can recover.
- - -
[You have entered the state of "Zero Mana". You will soon faint.]
- - -
With the last of my strength, I hug Elise, pulling her as close to me as I can.
I'm not sure I can defend her properly when she's unconscious, but I'll stay by her side anyway.
Before I fade away, I just reply to Vivian...
-What you wanted... Maxwell linked her to the Rift... she's... the monster you wanted...
I couldn't see Vivian's expression, for in a few moments, I fainted, without releasing my grip on Elise.
[Vivian]
...
Orphelia closed her eyes. The roots coming from the chest of the Receptacle consumed all the magical energy in her body.
She will be fine, she just needs to rest.
However...
I can't help but feel warm in my chest from what I just heard.
The flames that consumed the capital are beginning to fade... as my heart grows warmer and warmer.
The more experienced wizards have surely managed to repel most of my vampires. And now that the fire is extinguished, it's only a matter of time before this woman appears in front of me.
I turn around, my back to Orphelia and the Receptacle.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Dagda, who is stuck next to where Elise was standing.
...
Ulykkens Arving. Forgive me for my disrespect.
I should not have doubted you. I should not have attacked you. I should not have let myself be carried away by my impulses.
Therefore... let me take your place as the "Monster".
I'll be here waiting for my emerald executioner. Sorceress of Perpetuity who transcends divinity.
I must pay for the sins of all my inferiors.
Therefore.
Requiescat in pace, Elise.