Last few days had been gloomy for me. There was no way I would encounter Kao anywhere at school because I made sure to avoid every possible ways of us passing each other. I mostly sat in the staff room and only went out when I had classes to take. Exams had arrived so school time had shortened. I would submit the papers in the head office and go straight home where I would lay on my bed and do nothing. I had thought of joining the society's gym but I was unsure if I could keep it up.
Exams went by and winter vacation began. Christmas was in two days. Naomi and Juni had asked me to spent Christmas with them. This would be the first Christmas I would be spending away from family. I had no will to go to my sister's Christmas party but I had no choice or else she would literally drag me out.
"Mr. Kwan, can I get my day off for Christmas?" Kristen asked as I was done with my lunch.
I looked at her in confusion. "Um yeah, definitely. Take two days leave. I will be fine."
She smiled, collecting the dirty dishes on a tray. "Thank you so much. My daughter has been pestering me to take her to the amusement park. This Christmas would be nice."
I smiled back. "Enjoy."
After she left that evening, I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling.
No matter how hard I tried, I ended up thinking about him. He said he was embarrassed and didn't want me anymore. That is why he decided to suddenly cut me off. But his words felt so genuine when he said he loved me. Maybe it was all just in my head. Maybe it was just illusions created by me. I couldn't remember well after all these years and that is why maybe I created another new version of him in my head. He did seem like a completely different person. Or maybe he had changed with time. I had no idea. The boy in my head was a happy and cheerful boy. But the boy that stood in front of me was cold and distant. I sighed. I didn't want to go in front of him anymore. It wasn't that I didn't want to. I had no courage to show my face again. He said he was embarrassed. And looking at me again would just trigger bad memories for him.
I got out of bed and called Jeremy to give me company for Christmas shopping. The last emotional talk had brought both of us more closer to each other. I felt like I could understand him finally. We both accepted things and decided we were better off as friends. Though we both know our relationship couldn't be defined by mere friendship but that was how we had decided to be. It was complicated.
"And so you thought it was a good idea to threaten to kill yourself to find Carlo?" I gaped in horror at his confession. Some people seated beside our table in the restaurant turned to give us annoyed look. I murmured them an apology.
Jeremy grinned with a nod. "It worked."
"Gosh, that's so toxic." I couldn't believe it.
He squared his shoulders. "It worked though."
I shook my head. "So where is he?"
"Russia, with his family. I never thought he would go to his family to hide from me. He knew it was the less expected place. I literally thought he went to Antarctica, living in an igloo." He laughed at his own lame joke.
But for some reason, I laughed at the lame joke too.
"He is coming back tomorrow. We are going to spend Christmas together." His voice came out low, almost whispering.
I smiled. I was happy for him.
He sipped on his coffee. "So do you wanna come and celebrate Christmas at Uncle Jack's?"
I shook my head. "Nope. I am going to my sister's"
"Oh, tell you nephew I said hi."
"Sure."
The next two days I spent most of the time either sleeping or reading a book. I just didn't feel enthusiastic enough to try anything in the city. Jeremy said there were a lot of things we could do but I didn't feel like doing anything. I had cleaned the house earlier that day and started to get ready to spent Christmas eve with my sister. I dressed up lightly, having no clue that it was actually snowing outside. I had to come back to my room and grab a warmer coat.
Noami didn't live far. It was just forty five minutes drive to her place. I prepared myself to face a lot of people which for some reason, I disliked the most. And so I made it there and walked in with the biggest smile I could put on.
"Popi!" Little Weini rushed from a corner to me. "You came."
I smiled down at him. "Yes, I did. Here is your gift." I handed him his gift.
"Yay! Thank you very much." He took the box and ran away. I shook my head at him.
I looked around at the unfamiliar faces who were indulged in their own conversations. I walked in near the tree and dumped my gifts on the table beside it.
"Kwan!"
I turned around to face my best friend grinning at me.
"Oh my god! Finally!" She hugged me.
"Yeah." I patted her back.
She pulled away. "How are you? How is your new job? You didn't even call me. How rude of you. I came to know everything from Naomi. I heard you have a hot friend. Naomi couldn't stop talking about him."
"One by one, Juni." I smiled at her.
She slapped my shoulder and wrapped herself on my arm. "Come. We have a lot to catch up on." She said, dragging me to the balcony where Naomi and my brother-in-law were.
The evening went by quick because for sure, girl's gossips never ends. Juni and I sat at a corner and she went on just talking and talking. We had our dinner at eleven and everyone gathered at the balcony for the clock to strike twelve.
"So what is your plan about settling down?" Juni asked, sipping on her red wine.
I shrugged. "I don't want to talk about that. My family is enough for that bother."
She laughed. "Sure."
"So what does Mr. Henry has to say? Is he going to propose you or not?" I asked.
"Oh don't ask. He is so sloppy. He is planning one but I already know. So when he gets down on one knee, I have to act surprised."
I widened my eyes dramatically. "Damn. You're getting married?"
She laughed, throwing her head back.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE!" Naomi announced loudly, with the crowd following to utter the same.
"Merry Christmas, Kwan. I gotta rush home to my Henry." She laughed, placing the wine glass on a tray.
"Merry Christmas. I have to go too. Should I drop you?" I asked.
"Um yeah sure."
We bid our goodbyes and left.
The snow had covered the roads, causing huge traffic. The fifteen minutes ride was taking an hour. I turned the radio on. The weather forecast predicted to snow for the next few days. I wasn't ready for that. It never really snowed back in my home town. It just rained there, frequently.
"Welcome to the city, Kwan. This is how it's going to be. Crowded." Juni laughed.
I sighed. "Yeah sure."
"You know what? My place is just around. I can reach faster if I walk."
I looked at her in ridicule.
"What? I am serious. The traffic won't lift now. Also your place is farther north and there won't be much traffic that side. Go home. I will walk."
"No, I can't let you go alone." I said.
"Shut up. I always walk from my work place to home so go home, tuck yourself under the warm blankets and sleep. Bye. Merry Christmas once again." She punched my shoulder lightly and opened the door.
"Be safe." I said after her. She threw me a peace sign before walking away. She sure was faster than the cars stuck in traffic.
I sighed and put some music on as I waited for the traffic to lift. After a few moments, I found an alley and turned around to the other street that had light traffic. I drove slowly. It started to snow again at one. And it was when I got a call from him.
"Kwan...take me. Take me with you...please." He whispered.